I regret breaking up with "the one" because of all we went through

[jessiroo]

I am utterly confused, depressed and lonely. When I was 16 I felt the closest to being "whole". I dated "soulmate" and let myself go. I lost my heart, head and soul. Being 16 and 18 was very young and I don't think he could handle it so he broke it off. I was devastated. I lost everything that my life had purpose for. I built my life again, but it wasn't the same. We dated again for a while about a year after, but it didn't work out because he was aftraid again, I found out a little later on about this. It lacked that "feeling". I dated off and on with other guys and met a guy "the one". We began on the internet and just talked. It's where I met him. I didn't know his name for like 6 months. We found out at the time that I was friends with his friend and we decided to talk on the phone instead. We never started to date, but the content was there. The feeling and the security. He had cancer and was going through chemo at the time as well which is why he didn't want to meet. I was friend's with another friends brother, "the prospect". "the prospect" told me he was interested. This was the guy that I wanted to be with so I had broke it off with "the one" even though I was very confused about him and cared a lot. I decided upon "the prospect" and went into full throttle. I moved in with him and now three years later we got married and are starting a family. I don't feel like my husband gives me the love I need, that I yearn. This must sound very selfish, but I crave the kind of love I had with "soulmate". I haven't seen him with a girl he was dating for a while so I assume he's single but don't know for sure. I regret breaking up with "the one" because of all we went through. I know I felt fake to him when we broke up. Now I live with my husband and find myself feeling sorry for the relationships I've lost when I know that "the prospect" is likely the best. He respects, loves, cooks, cleans, shelter's, protects, etc. He is almost perfect except I don't get that "lovin' feeling". It's good though, I am happy to a point. I'm just afraid, what if I leave all this and lose everything? What then? Should I leave or should I stay???

[quankanne]

what if you just put the past behind you and concentrate on your marriage for the time being? No man will ever be able to compete with this fantasy soulmate you've created ... not even the guy you've identified as this person! You want something that's not real, I think we all do at some point, but there comes a time when you stop spinning this alter life around your fantasy man and start living your real life.

 

Yeah, your husband is human, and will disappoint you, but unless you give yourself the chance (and him, too), you're never going to know how good it can be. Walking away from your marriage to pursue some dream relationship without trying to make a go of what you've got (i.e., the husband who respects, loves, cooks, cleans, shelters, protects you) seems like a shame, but on the other hand, it's a shame that this near-perfect man is stuck with a woman who doesn't seem to care about their marriage.

[slurpee]

I too married the one that was "best" for me. We've been married for 17 years and, although we have a good life together, I miss very much the relationship I had with the guy before him--the one I didn't choose. From experience I can tell you that if you are like me, you will always wonder about "what might've been". Please do not start a family until you figure this out. Children only further complicate matters and if you do decide to leave, it's not fair to them.

 

Don't get me wrong because I do not take divorce lightly. I just know from my own experience that it is a living hell to go through this. Mine's been going on for over 20 years. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

Good luck.