Ready 2 Go

[ready2g0]

I met my husband in High School and married him. We have been married for 14 years and about 3 years ago I started to fall out of love with him. He is a good guy and will do anything for me, but has his faults (He doesn't not argue fair). I am in the military and was away for a year and in that year I felt like I did not need him anymore. That I can live by myself and enjoy the freedom of doing whatever I want. I told him the day I got off the plane that I did not love him anymore. He cried because he did not see this coming from me. He is currently taking anger management classes and go to counseling to make himself a better person for himself and the marriage. I don't know if I am willing to stay; there could be someone out there that I am more compatible with and I want to experience life. I feel like he is holding me back even though he says he wants us to do it together. Am I wrong for not giving him a chance? Is it possible to fall back in love with him?

Edited December 10, 2010 by ready2g0

[karnak]

At the moment I don't have a good advice to give you. But, as stupid as this may sound, let me congratulate you for having the courage to tell your husband about your true feelings and not doing what most women in your situation usually do: stay in the "comfort zone" and wait until they find a new man and then dump the husband.

 

This kind of emotional honesty is so rare nowadays that I congratulate you.

[tojaz]

I met my husband in High School and married him. We have been married for 14 years and about 3 years ago I started to fall out of love with him. He is a good guy and will do anything for me, but has his faults (He doesn't not argue fair). I am in the military and was away for a year and in that year I felt like I did not need him anymore. That I can live by myself and enjoy the freedom of doing whatever I want. I told him the day I got off the plane that I did not love him anymore. He cried because he did not see this coming from me. He is currently taking anger management classes and go to counseling to make himself a better person for himself and the marriage. I don't know if I am willing to stay; there could be someone out there that I am more compatible with and I want to experience life. I feel like he is holding me back even though he says he wants us to do it together. Am I wrong for not giving him a chance? Is it possible to fall back in love with him?

 

Ahhh what a sad familiar tune. I think your answer lies in why you married him in the first place. You say you where away and realized you didn't "need" him anymore. Is that why you married him?

 

I ask because it turned out that is why my wife had married me. I loved her, she just played along because she needed me. When she no longer "needed" me any more, she "fell out of love", said pretty much exactly what you said here, and never looked back.

 

Im not saying that was you, most people in a LTR look and wonder what else is out there, greener grass, blah blah blah. Most single people who are free to do as they like, see who they like etc, miss the care of a committed relationship.

 

The need to "experience life" another cliche around here. Life is what you make it! Period. The only thing you can do single that you shouldn't do married is date other people. Otherwise the only thing holding you back is yourself and how you look at marrriage.

 

So take a look, why are you incompatible all of a sudden, what are you missing out on, thats where your answers are. Many people throw away a good thing at a bad time, without truly getting to the root of what it is they are seeking.

 

TOJAZ

[2.50 a gallon]

Right or wrong, does it matter at this point in time?

 

What is meant by the word Freedom? What is preventing you from doing and experiencing these things with your husband? Or is it an OM?

 

I suggest that you reread the vows that you took. Do they not mean nothing to you?

[imagine]

Marriage is hard work.

 

You both need to meet each others emotional needs. This means that you have to find it and that he has to respond.

 

You may find yourself becoming hopelessly in love with your husband again. He will have to learn not to lovebust by arguing unreasonably. Find a councilor who is a marriage builder rather than one who will make you feel good about divorce.