devastated, heartbroken, and cant cope

[xomissraddox]

im 19. he is 21. we rushed marriage bc i am pregnant. i am expecting in a month. things have been rough but i never thought it would end like this. yesterday i found out he has a new gf 3 weeks after moving out. we are still married. i am asking for annulment. its what i want and what is best.

he still has things here, and it kills me to look at them. he is ignoring my calls and texts and i just want his **** out. i still love him, and everything hurts. i have been putting together our wedding album to occupy my time but now, i just cant bear myself to see how happy we were.

this is soo hard for me and it hurts that after a year of being together he has found someone else and moved on so quickly. i am finding it extremely difficult to cope with and really dont know what to do. i feel guilty for wasting my fathers money on our wedding, and for wasting my time on him.

i had this whole "new family" thing going on in my head and had nothing but hope he was going to come back. i had visions of the three of us going apple picking and doing hay rides and playing in the snow and doing all this adorable family and now i see nothing but despair in my path.

i had never expected to be a single teen mom..

[karnak]

I've been reading your other threads...

 

Sorry if what I will write will seem to harsh, but I will give my honest opinion. Your husband is a mess. Emotionally and psychologically. He's a piece of ****, not only as a man but also as a husband. His action and weird fetishes proves that.

 

You haven't seen that yet, because you're too young and proabably a bit naive. You'll be better on the long run. Concentrate on the wellfare of your baby, and don't let this mess interfere on your pregnancy.

 

Keep posting. There are people on this forum who'll help you and advise way better than I can.

 

Hang in there and think of your baby. Your child will need you sane of body and mind.

[tornandmarried]

sorry to hear, sounds like u was happy with him.....u feel this way cuz u really did care and if he leaves u and a child for some 3 week gf then hes an idiot.....let it hurt and let him go and youll be better in time and better off, get your annulment and dont let him custody, be very careful there, get visitation set up in court before u let him take the child out the door, for real...if he wins full custody in court thats a different story, so stay on top of it and be strong...youll get over it soon enough, and 1 year together isnt much time wasted, your young yet, you will love again...and maybe his purpose in life was to give u a beautiful child, and u wont regret a thing or miss him one bit...best of luck with everything...it just takes time

[xomissraddox]

he would never get full custody. i live in a stable home with my parents and he lives out of his car. i am more mentally fit than he is, and he is having a lot of trouble getting any kind of custody of his daughter from a previous relationship.

i am clueless about the court system and the way it works for these kind of things. would i be able to have all rights and custody of the baby and him and i work out visits? i am planning on going to school out of state and i dont want this to interfere with my education. i need it not only for myself now, but for my son as well.

[tornandmarried]

i wouldnt advise working out a visitation agreement out of court...itd be different if u could really trust the guy...you would have full custody as soon as u take the baby home, leave the child at his house then he has full custody (not sure how that works state to state tho) his visitation rights might hault u from going to school out of state, u might have to replan your education...but who knows, work it out with a lawyer or talk to a local probono lawyer if u have it (ie legal aid)..sucks to be in this situation cuz some cheating jerk, selfish

[harrellst]

I only have to say that you are a very brave girl for posting your situation on here. No one at 19 expects to be going Thur what you are. It is hard I am sure but you are still young. You made mistakes and have to live with them. You need to learn to live with who you are before involving someone else in your life. Marriage is complicated enough then throwing a baby in on it is another ball game. Your still fantasizing about what life could be without actually living your own life. Don't be afraid of life, its yours, live it to the fullest. You have a child to consider now but just throw your M stuff out the window its his loss that he isn't there with you. Thats all apart of it. You will be better off figuring out how to become the woman you are without him. It is crucial for you to build your self confidence and be a strong woman to face the life ahead of you.

[willowthewisp]

Oh my! I read some of your other threads as well and you have had so much to contend with, much more than anyone one should and at such a young age. A drunk, emotionally abusive father, a husband who already has one child he has abandoned, has a porn habit, has fetishes and is a serial cheater. On top of that you are about to have his son.

 

This is an awful lot for anyone to cope with and I think it sounds like you are already doing a fantastic job, making plans to go to school. You should be proud of yourself and I have faith that you will do what you have to in order to make a good life for yourself and your son.

 

Your husband sounds very immature. He is unwilling to face his responsibilities and you deserve so much more. Focus on yourself and your son and making the best possible life for you that you can. Keep posting here, we're listening.

[xomissraddox]

thanks everyone- all your help and understanding and support is well appreciated. i feel so dumb letting this happen to me. i told him he has until friday to get the rest of his things from my house. its so hard going through "our" things and taking his out. it sounds really dumb but i really really love him. he was my world. and now that he is gone i feel like my world came crashing down around me. what is even worse is that this random girl came in and took him away from me and our son. we still dont have a name for him :/ and it is even moree worse this girl works down the street from me. and lives a good 30 mins away. i have to deal with them driving passed my house, and running into them in stores and at the mall and it literally murders me inside. i get all shaky and the baby starts moving around which makes me feel even worse. i lock myself inside the house all day and never go out in fear of seeing them again.

i havent slept since he moved out about a month ago.. i miss him by my side. now its even worse knowing its over. and to top it all off, i have heard she is nasty, and has stds. i have no insurence so i havent been to the doctor in a month. my aunt from out of state said if i spend a few weeks up there she can at least get me to a doctor and get insurence. she is only like 4 hours away, and my medicaid doesnt kick in under my H's insurence until the 1st of november when my due date is the 17. plus, im showing signs of hpv and i was totally clean before all this. all this is soo bad, i told his mom but i havent the courage to bring it up to my parents yet. i know i am going to have to if it really is hpv and cant do a vaginal delivery :[

 

this is all too hard, and all i wanted was to be happy. i feel like i screwed myself over bigtime with this guy.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

thanks everyone- all your help and understanding and support is well appreciated. i feel so dumb letting this happen to me. i told him he has until Friday to get the rest of his things from my house. its so hard going through "our" things and taking his out. it sounds really dumb but i really really love him.

 

My question to you is how many times are you going to refer to yourself as dumb? In my opinion, I would start replacing and or substituting the word "dumb" for something else. Maybe instead of saying "I feel so dumb" maybe you can say "I might have a lot to learn, but I'm getting smarter every day"! Start changing your vocabulary around, start giving yourself some credit, start telling yourself good things.

 

Next, in my opinion, I would start to concentrate on yourself more, and this 21 year old guy....."so called Husband" less! He has made his choice, regardless of the speed he has done it in, he has made his choice and is moving on. And I wouldn't try to go around deceiving yourself, I seriously doubt that this new girlfriend of his just jumped into the picture. I have a funny feeling that this girlfriend has been lurking in the shadows of your relationship for a good long time!............."sounds like a cheater if you ask me" !

 

Next, put that f**king wedding photo album down, put it down, don't look at, don't work on it........if need be, give it someone else to work on, someone not so emotionally vested on it. For me, it's been little over 2.5 years since my divorce was finalized. Sometimes, even now, when I come across what is left for my wedding album, at least the photos my ex-wife left behind, after butchering it up real good, even now I can get a bit misty eye'd and somewhat emotion just looking at it. You, it hasn't been long enough for the real sting and pain of all this to subside to a point of manageability, leave the album alone!

 

Next, in my opinion, I wouldn't "head trip" to much about the so called "wasting of your Father money" on the wedding. Things change, things happen, life gives us forks in the road, life sometime gives us speed bumps and pot holes that no one can for see. Everybody, Fathers included sometimes just have to take it on the chin and understand that there are no guarantees in life, and everything is subject to change.

 

Also, don't give up you notions and ideas of a "new family" concept. Just because this "new family" thing as you put it, didn't work out with this guy, doesn't mean it can't work out with someone else! When the time is right, and you have moved on the best you can from this situation, and you meet the right type of new guy........who knows......this "new family" thing might work out just right!

 

Also, in my opinion, if you haven't started to get some legal advise from an actual attorney or the like, I would start seeking that now. I don't want you setting yourself up for another "major blow" to your system. By operating on the premise of "presumptions" of how this all is going to play out. Unless both of you are willing to enter divorce equally, and all parties are being fair and understanding to the other, than you might be able to operate on presumptions of how this is going to go. But don't fool yourself, even the best laid divorce plans can change in a moments notice in a court of law. Start getting legal assistance, if you have not done so already.

 

Last, in my opinion, I wouldn't make any hasty decisions about your un-born child yet. I wouldn't discuss custody, child support, child visitations......nothing, until you meet with an attorney and see what your legal options are. If there is to be some sort of "pre-court" agreement for anything dealing with your child, I would make sure all agreements and understandings go through an attorney's office and are spelled out in simple "black and white" and signed by the attorney and witnesses. Keep that child safe, do not operate on the premise of "presumptions" in regards to the appearance or the lack there of with trustworthiness with your "soon to be ex-Husband".

 

Be good to yourself the best you can during this trying time in your life. Start focusing in on you and your child.

 

Hope some of what I said helps.......

[xomissraddox]

so the other night i found this girl on face book and sent her a message asking her how could she live with herself knowing what she is doing to me. well she sent me a no reply back and he sent me a text this was out conv. :

Him

listen. stop doing whatever your ****ing doing right now. this is just another thing that ruined out marriageit was allready ruined long agothrough no ault of my own. with all these issues and infedility you trying to save it in the scummiest way possiblebc your depressed and you cant have me isnt getting you any brownie pts, so stop

 

Me

allright your right it is pointless chasing after something that doesnt want to be caught you moved on i see thati just want you to have a relationship with your don is that okay with you

 

Him

i havent moved on but i know being with you is unhealthy for me i cant stay with youwhen all i want to do is hurt myself bcimnot happy anymore i never wanted to hurt you and now it hurts me that i had to of course i am goint to have a relationshipwith our son. if you move far away i wont have the best one but ill never not be there

 

i dont get it...he is sending mixed signals and idk if i should let go or not.

[The-Zen-Warrior]

Him : I haven't moved on

 

xomissraddox :

 

What might I ask is so "mixed signal" about your previous post? I mean, unless you were just born yesterday and don't know how the world works, I would say your statement of "mixed signals" would be correct, for no other than reason of not knowing any better.

 

But come one here, don't fool yourself, "mixed signals", yeah right, just look at your quote above, see the nice bold words, how mixed signal is that? Here might I remind of you of your very own words to start this thread off....

 

"i found out he has a new gf 3 weeks after moving out"!

 

Don't believe this so called Husband of yours, what he is saying about not moving on is a lie! Lets see, he says he hasn't moved on, well than answer me why he felt compelled to secure a new girlfriend only after 3 weeks after moving out? Which by the way you know is another lie, you know this right? He has this new girl waiting in the wings, she was waiting on him to close things out with you, as so she could jump in! Not moving on he says, interesting, sounds like moving on to me.

 

I would really hate to see you dabbling in the world of delusion here, by feeling confused by his words. I would hate to see you buying into what he says and start "second guessing" your original gut feelings about this. I don't even know you, and I probably could guess with about 65% to 70% accuracy in regards to what truly happened here!

 

Don't fool yourself, don't deceive yourself, he has moved on, regardless of his "words" it is his "actions" that prove it! Just focus on you and your child within! Don't waste time checking up on him, stop talking to his Facebook girlfriends, don't following him around like a good parent would do to a 14 year old child, stop everything that doesn't pertain to you and your child.

 

In the end, it all boils down to what you really want to do here! If you want to take back this "broken down" boy of a man, than be my guest......."good luck with that", you will need it! If you just want to keep yourself in a "holding pattern" and keep waiting for the day of a miracle, like cats and dogs living together in harmony, all the nuclear weapons are removed off the planet, East loves West, the Untied States has a 10 Trillion dollar surplus of money and Jesus Christ has come down to save us all. If your holding out for a miracle in regards to your situation that's great......."good luck with that"! Or are you going to decide that you can do better! Are you going to decide that you are way to good of a person to be put throw the mill. Are you going to choose "life" and not choose "repeat", it's up to you!

 

In the immortal words of my dead Grand Father, when people he knew were "riding the fence" on a life's choice, he would tell them to......

 

"Sh*t or get off the pot"

 

 

Think about it...............

Edited October 6, 2010 by The-Zen-Warrior

[xomissraddox]

i went to my aunts house out of state last night, just to get away. but i kept dreaming of him. and when i woke up i couldent get him out of my head. he hasent been very nice to me lately, actuially he has been a straight up a**hole. unless he wants something. i hate how this is happening to me, i dident do anything to deserve the way he is treating me, and i know that. i barely talk to him and idk... i am just so mad that i let this happen to me and i miss how things were.