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A NEW kind of divorce...easier on the heart and the wallet!

Separation and Divorce Considering ending your marriage? Going through a divorce? Let us know!

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Old 1st August 2010, 8:19 PM   #1
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A NEW kind of divorce...easier on the heart and the wallet!

Seems like a lot of people are opting to just get far from each other but remain married, for lots of practical reasons. Some even start living with other people but eventually get on good terms with their married spouse....even involve ALL THREE in special occasions. Hell, human beings are capable of just about anything.

Look here:
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Old 1st August 2010, 9:17 PM   #2
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ExH and I could have gone indefinitely separated - we were living like that for five years. The only thing that made divorce practical is that I am pregnant and am going to start a family with someone, and exH's girlfriend is wanting to do the same with him.
Take what is handed to you, and hand it back twice...
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Old 1st August 2010, 9:27 PM   #3
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Jack Klugman and Brett Sommers legally separated in 1974 and remained separated but not divorced until she died in 2007, some 33 years. He subsequently remarried in 2008. His marital dynamic is probably the most well-known to me since I grew up watching them as a couple, and then separately, on TV. He even got her a job on Match Game as they were splitting up.

Stbx and I could easily have legally separated, but we would have had to do all the same legal stuff we're doing for our divorce, wrt to property settlement/support/etc. For myself, since I want to marry again some day, there's really no question. Had I been in a position, like Jack, to survive a 54 year marriage and re-marry, perhaps.

I've already paid the price at the wallet and we're not even divorced. Knocked about 15 years off my net worth, since we settled our affairs prior to filing. That would've happened regardless, either paying lawyers or settling out.

Anyway, one perspective. Perhaps it can work for some people like it did for Jack and Brett. Good on 'em
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Old 1st August 2010, 9:50 PM   #4
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This actually is nothing new....happens all the time really - for many different reasons. In some cases, it's because of the continuation of medical coverage benefits. In others, it may be due to the one left behind refuses to accept the divorce and won't file and the walk-away doesn't have the money to file because he is entertaining the new love in their lives (I keep this ambiguous because it can be either gender in both cases.)

In most cases of younger couples separating....eventually someone will file as they move on with their lives. If the person who walked away does not file but partakes in the benefits of another man or woman's company I wouldn't see it as compliance or even being married to that person anymore. In some cases...some couples decide not to go through the expense of divorce until they are ready to marry again.
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"....but the struggles make you stronger, the changes make you wiser, and happiness has its own way of taking its sweet time. Life isn't always beautiful but it's a beautiful ride."
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Old 1st August 2010, 11:07 PM   #5
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I could *definitely* see doing this. My "STBX" and I get along very well now. I don't see myself getting involved with anyone else in the near term and the financial complications of divorce are a deterrent. I think my STBX wants more "closure" though which I understand so I'm not opposed to a divorce. But I'm in no rush to file. Mainly I'm concerned with how an official divorce would affect our teenager and also insurance.
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Old 1st August 2010, 11:18 PM   #6
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Here's some Cali-related stuff regarding insurance:
If both parties do not have health insurance benefits available and if the cost of obtaining those health insurance benefits for the other party after a divorce become prohibitive, there is one way to continue benefits without additional cost. That way is to enter into a separation agreement, but delay the divorce. That way, the parties actually do remain married and they can stay on the same health insurance plan even thought they are separated. The parties can consent to waiting for one, two or more years before either one files for a divorce.
While the parties will remain married, their property, custody, and support issues will be addressed in their separation agreement. Under some circumstances, this is an optimal resolution. For example, what if both parties want one spouse to remain at home for several more years with young children, but they do still want to separate and divorce? This option works for them. They can separate, agree upon getting a divorce and all of the terms that they have to agree upon, but delay the final divorce so that they can keep cost effective health insurance benefits in place.
Also, it's possible to use COBRA as a strategy, albeit an expensive one.

Also, though perhaps not an issue for celebrities/wealthy people, a married couple's joint filing status can be affected after a certain period of legal separation. If it is required that the couple file married filing separate, as stbx and I did for 2009, this precludes electronic filing (a paper return is required) and, of course, some tax benefits are lost.

Matters of property, support, and custody are adjudicated during the legal separation process.

The above pertains to Cali statute and most of it I learned from my attorney during the Plan B process.
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