How did you deal with ex/other person after seperation/devorce

[BlindbyLove]

I probably could of read to find an answer but not up to reading alot right now. But, just wanted to know how others dealt with this terrible feeling when you have to go back and deal with your ex when there's children involved. Also seeing her now with another person.....

 

After 12+ years together we broke and already after 4 months she has moved on and being there's another person involved just lets me know that we aren't going to be a family again. It hurts, its depressing, and brings forth a lot of anger but what can you do.

 

Having to now attend activities with my son, seeing her with someone else just has me going nuts with the emotions. Sometimes I feel the tears coming and other moments I just want to get up in anger and bash this person. But that's not the way to deal with this.

I love my kid an all but I'm tired of walking away looking like an idiot/wimp, because I think i'm doing both of us a favor and the kid doesn't need to see it.....

Any input to what others may do to deal with this type of situation would be appreciated.

[tojaz]

I probably could of read to find an answer but not up to reading alot right now. But, just wanted to know how others dealt with this terrible feeling when you have to go back and deal with your ex when there's children involved. Also seeing her now with another person.....

 

After 12+ years together we broke and already after 4 months she has moved on and being there's another person involved just lets me know that we aren't going to be a family again. It hurts, its depressing, and brings forth a lot of anger but what can you do.

 

Having to now attend activities with my son, seeing her with someone else just has me going nuts with the emotions. Sometimes I feel the tears coming and other moments I just want to get up in anger and bash this person. But that's not the way to deal with this.

I love my kid an all but I'm tired of walking away looking like an idiot/wimp, because I think i'm doing both of us a favor and the kid doesn't need to see it.....

Any input to what others may do to deal with this type of situation would be appreciated.

 

Your doing the right thing by walking away and shielding you kid. I know it hurts, and you know you got a raw deal. Just do your best to protect yourself by not having to see it all unfold in front of you whenever possible and just keeping your cool when you have no choice.

 

TOJAZ

[HopelessinDTW]

I probably could of read to find an answer but not up to reading alot right now. But, just wanted to know how others dealt with this terrible feeling when you have to go back and deal with your ex when there's children involved. Also seeing her now with another person.....

 

After 12+ years together we broke and already after 4 months she has moved on and being there's another person involved just lets me know that we aren't going to be a family again. It hurts, its depressing, and brings forth a lot of anger but what can you do.

 

Having to now attend activities with my son, seeing her with someone else just has me going nuts with the emotions. Sometimes I feel the tears coming and other moments I just want to get up in anger and bash this person. But that's not the way to deal with this.

I love my kid an all but I'm tired of walking away looking like an idiot/wimp, because I think i'm doing both of us a favor and the kid doesn't need to see it.....

Any input to what others may do to deal with this type of situation would be appreciated.

So are you divorced or just separated? Sounds like just separated? If that's the case then she's being really irresbonsible in bringing the OM to your kids activities. In fact this is something you should tell your lawyer. Any therapist will tell you that kids really should not be exposed to an OM/OW until they have gotton used to the changes they are already dealing with you not being there all the time. This situation just sucks, and I will probably be in a similar situation in a few months! Unfortunately, since she's not being the adult, you have to be the adult in all this. That means doing what your doing, and not letting the emotions getting the better of you in front of your kid. I know this must feel like your guts are being pulled out of your body, but this is what you need to do. Your son will appreciate this when he gets older...

[alphamale]

Any input to what others may do to deal with this type of situation would be appreciated.

finding another woman would be of utmost priority

[trippi1432]

I probably could of read to find an answer but not up to reading alot right now. But, just wanted to know how others dealt with this terrible feeling when you have to go back and deal with your ex when there's children involved. Also seeing her now with another person.....

 

After 12+ years together we broke and already after 4 months she has moved on and being there's another person involved just lets me know that we aren't going to be a family again. It hurts, its depressing, and brings forth a lot of anger but what can you do.

 

Having to now attend activities with my son, seeing her with someone else just has me going nuts with the emotions. Sometimes I feel the tears coming and other moments I just want to get up in anger and bash this person. But that's not the way to deal with this.

I love my kid an all but I'm tired of walking away looking like an idiot/wimp, because I think i'm doing both of us a favor and the kid doesn't need to see it.....

Any input to what others may do to deal with this type of situation would be appreciated.

 

BlindbyLove - you are not alone in this...many of us here are going through the same thing, having to eventually share our children with the OM/OW too soon. My first realization of this was only 8 days after my ex tried to make a feeble attempt at recon (aka - booty call!!)

 

Over time, I have agreed to let our son live with him due to our son's want of attending a different school...you can imagine now how the tables turn. I was faced with the Open House call from the ex the other day. I do not see anything wrong with standing your ground when you are not yet divorced when it comes to the kids. It may not always protect them like you would have hoped but I did inform the ex that this is our son, not her son. I will attend open house as I have done for the past 11 years (two years were Head Start) and she is NOT welcome to attend while I am there.

 

This is not due to any jealousy to let you know...it's more of a respect thing. "You might piss in my playground but stay off my swings"...aka, these are MY children, back off bi*ch. It doesn't have to come down to fights or arguments....just let each other know where the line in the sand is drawn. I allowed him to bring her around our son when I thought it was too early, this is where I draw the line because I refuse to be "replaced". That is where the Walk-Away thinks.

[Steadfast]

 

finding another woman would be of utmost priority

 

 

Alphamale, I respect your position and even agree with this somewhat, except...

 

...'another woman' at this point might bring this fellow more stress than the oneupmanship is worth. But, I have to admit a certain sanctification the first time I got my pipes cleaned after my divorce. A man's desirability and self worth cannot be taken lightly.

 

And this friend, is where I see you suffering. You feel inferior on so many levels, but try to understand that you're not. At some point, you'll have to come to grips that she does not want to be with you anymore. That may sound harsh, but this 'breaking down' is actually critical in your healing. By accepting the obvious you're eventually humbled, you take yourself a little less seriously, and in time will start to allow some joy back into your life.

 

When this occurs, women will become attracted to you. It helps (btw) to be single if you start responding to these advances. In the same way, your child/children will also see the change and will emotionally move closer to you. You'll see it when it happens, and you'll like how it feels.

 

Oh yes. When her power over you fades, that's when the (soon to be?) ex will change her tune too. Even if she's involved with someone else. She will wonder why/where her power went, and will become curious to the steps/reason that got you in that healed place. That'll notch up the self esteem a couple more clicks...

 

BTW, my daughter told me recently she heard her mom arguing on the phone with her BF. Seems he's not happy with the way she 'describes' me to him and does not like my 'place' in her life. I didn't even know I had one!

[cavedweller]

Blindbylove,

 

This is all part of life..

 

You need get out and find someone..