sissy2go Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 I was married for 9 years, he had a son that I raised, and after 7 years of marriage we had a daughter together. We shared very many highs and lows, but were always volitile with one another, as years passed, tensions built, problems came and went, as did our doubts and concerns...we discussed divorce many times throughout the years, but always opted to "make it work"...we both worked a full time job, he had several boughts of unemployment, and after a back injury, had to change professions, and decided to be a truck driver...we became perfect strangers, he changed when he went on the road, I knew he would, it sucked him in like I have seen it do so many....now I am not blaming the "road", but there are a lot of differences in living life at home, and living on the road....I had always been the one to keep the books, tend to the yard, take care of the children, everything, all he had to do was go to work, then come home...I made his life so simple, and I was a good wife....I was devistated that he gave me (and the kids) up for that God awful truck....drugs became a problem(to help him get down the road, so he says), he was home maybe 1-2 days a week, slept the whole time he was home, never played with the kids, and was absolutely unmotivated to do anything but talk about his journies...he started being unfaithful, and I began asking him about his "friends" long before I found it he finally caved in to one of them...I would check his messages once in a while when he wouldn't call home to see where he was headed, and started coming across messages from women....I let him know that I felt like there were enough men out there to make friends with....as we were having pronlems at home, and I knew they would not be helpful...to me anyway...when he did get caught, we decided it was time to end the hurt, and let one another go before we began to hate one another...bounced that back and forth for a few months, as he didn't want to let me go, and I finally took my baby daughter and left, the fighting was starting to show it's effect on her.....question is...he will not sign, talk to me about, or agree to anything....he has not paid me a penny of child support, has not offered me a dime, and will not opt up any suggestions about how we should handle our separation contract....I am trying hard to be nice to keep the fighting to a minimum, I can't bear to argue with him anymore....I feel so bad about giving up, even though I know I had longed for more for many years, he loved me as a trophy, not as a person...anyway, he has everything, and I have not sued for CS because I want custody to be mine....and if I sue him for CS he will freak the heck out...he doesn't pay CS for his other child either/you wouldn't believe what he went through to get over that hurdle, and he claims if I sue him for it, he will have no contact with our daughter, and she loves him dearly....why, with all my leneancy, why is he still so beligerant....or am I really just getting railroaded, which my boyfriend feels is the case....I just want to get the papers signed so that we can move on with our lives, we both have other partners now, and have no intention of resuming our relationship...any suggestions? Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted June 25, 2003 Share Posted June 25, 2003 First of all, if this is the kind of "father" (and I use the term loosely) that would punish his own daughter to teach you a lesson...perhaps it is best that he doesn't get to see her. If your daughter begins to ask questions about why she doesn't see Daddy, then let him try to explain! And as far as your separation agreement, have you gotten a consultation from an attorney yet? It depends on the laws in your particular state, but you should be able to write up your own. Getting him to sign it, however, might be a problem! In my state, a contested divorce becomes legal after two years regardless of whether or not either partner refuses to sign...just so long as you don't spend one night together under the same roof. If he can claim the two of you have had sex within that amount of time, the waiting period starts all over again. You should be entitled to half the equity in your home (if you have one) and 50% of any bank holdings, IRA's, Stocks, Life Insurance, etc. that the two of you acquired during your marriage together. Anything you had "prior" to marriage, or were given as a "gift" (such as inheritance...I think) will remain your sole property. The only thing you will might loose if he refuses to sign the agreement, would be alimony payments (if the judge decides you are entitled to them.) But since you've been pretty much running the show on your own anyway, I hardly see what difference it would make. And as far as child support, you CAN and WILL be rewarded that until your child reaches the age of eighteen. He can't fight it, he can't contest it, you can dock is pay and have him put in jail if he refuses. And any judge would reward you with custody since they like to see the child remain with their mother...particularly in your case when her father lives on the road and is never home. And given his past history, he doesn't stand a chance in hell! Please, please schedule a consultation with a lawyer, preferably a FEMALE one. You have all kinds of rights here and things you are entitled to that you aren't even aware of!!! You can even have the attorney fees and court costs worked into the agreement so that he has to pay half! Don't let him brow-beat you. You're holding all the cards, Sissy! PS...I apologize in advance to all the "male" members out there who might find offense with this post Link to post Share on other sites
Author sissy2go Posted June 26, 2003 Author Share Posted June 26, 2003 I have sought a lawyer, and she was female, I figured a male would not understand certain things, or may push me to do things I don't want to do...I told him(ex) that I would pay the grand to get the papers properly filed...I mean all he has to do is sign...I do not want the house, I think that it should remain intact as his home for the children....I even carried insurance on his son till a month ago, and I moved out Oct. 7, 02. I have done everything to help him....I guess I elt obligated to because I had always taken care of these things...but he took total advantage of it...what bothers me the most is that he does not call his daughter....she sees him about once a month now for 2-4 days, depending, and in between, she gets nothing, no call, no message, no nothing, and I hate that all I want from him is for him to at least be the best Daddy he can be,even if it is over the phone, or in a teddy bear...she recognizes any gesture of love, and he starves her, thank God for her future step father....he fills such a void for us both.....anyway, if anyone has any suggestions as to how to make this happen without getting ugly, please let me know...I just want out, I don't want it all, or any of it for that matter....I had much rather Not blow a wad of cash to argue over what I prefer he keep for the kids anyway. I have already written a self-made seperation agreement, that was very, very lenient, not requesting anything at all other thatn some personal effects still maintained in our home...and he wouldn't even sign those....said there were too many loopholes, now he jsut keeps telling me he needs time to think about it.....think about WHAT???HELP Link to post Share on other sites
Author sissy2go Posted July 22, 2003 Author Share Posted July 22, 2003 Haven't heard much response from the post.... $2,500. later and he is still non responsive to anything.....I am assuming that he hasn't picked up his certified mail yet, otherwise, I am sure I would have been cussed out by now. ANY idea why he is so elusive......what's the thought process behind this.....I just want to settle unfinished business between us to dissolve our marriage....he's well aware... any input would be greatly appreciated.... sissy Link to post Share on other sites
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