stepka Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 I spent the entire weekend working on paperwork: job hunting apps, divorce paperwork, and financial aid papers for my daughter to start college in the fall. Of course the stbxh isn't doing anything to help and I needed some vital info which he won't release b/c he doesn't really want the divorce, though he initiated the whole thing in the first place when he came out gay. Then the internet apps won't work out and the financial aid papers won't work out b/c there's always some screen blocking me and I think menopause is starting too. Help! Actually I think I might go see a lawyer after all and have them send him the bill--I was going to DIY since our situation isn't that complicated, but it is for me when I'm trying to find a job and deal w/ everything else too. Oh yeah, I do work FT too--I just need a better paying job and don't have much hope in this economy. Actually I'm glad the SOB left--he was being a jerk for the last several years anyway--I just regret that I spent half my life with someone who couldn't possibly have loved a woman--talk about a sicko feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 1, 2010 Share Posted March 1, 2010 Actually I'm glad the SOB left--he was being a jerk for the last several years anyway--I just regret that I spent half my life with someone who couldn't possibly have loved a woman--talk about a sicko feeling. yea good riddance i say Link to post Share on other sites
Author stepka Posted March 1, 2010 Author Share Posted March 1, 2010 yea good riddance i say You've got that right--in another year I'll be thinking this was all worth it, but right now I'm just so irritated. And pissy. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 The first thing that you need to do is regain your faith! Not just in God nor your relgion? But yourself! That's so important! Link to post Share on other sites
Author stepka Posted March 2, 2010 Author Share Posted March 2, 2010 The first thing that you need to do is regain your faith! Not just in God nor your relgion? But yourself! That's so important! Gunny I think you're right, but I never had much faith in me to begin with. I have severe AD/HD which I only just got dx'ed a few years ago, and it makes paperwork abysmally difficult, and jobhunting too. I will just have to work very hard at not taking it personally if I don't get a better job in this rough economic climate but thanks for that--like you I'm working on it. As for my faith in God--yesterday I sounded like Jeremiah having a pity party and I finally understood the meaning of the term "jeremiad"! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 That's OK kiddo! When you think of me, think Bruce Willias and WhippieKiiiAii! Semper Fidelis ~ ALWAYS FAITHFUL Link to post Share on other sites
Author stepka Posted March 2, 2010 Author Share Posted March 2, 2010 That's OK kiddo! When you think of me, think Bruce Willias and WhippieKiiiAii! Semper Fidelis ~ ALWAYS FAITHFUL Gunny, in some strange way you made me feel better--must be the visuals. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 (edited) I haven't been through it all, but I've been and seen a lot I cannot explain it ~ its a state of mind you must acheive! "I"m OK, Your OK! We're OK!" Thank God! I made it through this! Edited March 2, 2010 by Gunny376 Link to post Share on other sites
LisaUk Posted March 2, 2010 Share Posted March 2, 2010 Oh wow hun, that is tough! Gay? How does one even begin to come to terms with the man they married and spent many years with and fathered their children is gay? I just don't know what to say to you to offer advice, other than we are here for you and listening. *Hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author stepka Posted March 2, 2010 Author Share Posted March 2, 2010 Oh wow hun, that is tough! Gay? How does one even begin to come to terms with the man they married and spent many years with and fathered their children is gay? I just don't know what to say to you to offer advice, other than we are here for you and listening. *Hugs* Well Lisa, in many ways it was preferable to having him take off with another woman. If he had've I might have blamed myself for getting too plump or something, but with this I take almost none of the blame or guilt which is a good feeling. The bad part comes when I realize that this 23 year marriage was never real--it was always a sham. At least if he left w/ another woman it would have been real at one time in the relationship, but this never was--he was using me to fit into society. Well I wouldn't be the first--his g-pa was also gay and married and made the poor woman miserable and divorce wasn't common w/ that generation. As bad as divorce feels, let's all be glad at least that we have that option. Link to post Share on other sites
tnttim Posted March 3, 2010 Share Posted March 3, 2010 My good friends dad is gay, and he has 2 ex wives, and 2 kids. He said it was very hard on him in the beginning, because it was 2 problems rolled into 1. My dad left my mom, and my dad is gay. He just saw a school pysch and I don't think she helped him. He is very angry all the time, and it hasn't really wavered much as he got older. The older brother seemed to be able to cope better. I would get kids, if any, some help. As for you, it seems like you at least able to come to terms with his choice. I am a firm believer that you are born gay, and some people just try to conform to society, or parents outrage. I am very sorry to her that, I hope only the best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stepka Posted March 5, 2010 Author Share Posted March 5, 2010 Thanks tnttim, I also believe that people are born gay--I don't believe the fundamentalist crap that it is a lifestyle choice. I'm kind of angry over being used, but I think the thing that has burned me the most is how quickly he was able to move on after he dumped this whole thing in my lap. He has been totally insensitive--he even brought his lover over one night to meet me w/o calling ahead to warn me. And now he has dumped the whole burden of filing the divorce papers onto me b/c he really doesn't give a shyt whether we divorce or not--it's all the same to him b/c he can get dates either way, but the kind of men I want to date will care whether I'm still married or not. As for my kids, one of them is also gay--it really does run in this family anyway. The other one is angry and holding it in, so I'm thinking I do need to get her help though she denies it vehemently. Link to post Share on other sites
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