Elizabrary Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 I have been with the same man for nearly 10 years- married for 5. Throughout the entire time he has treated me poorly, cheated on me and left me multiple times. If I were to write the entire story it would fill a book, and I really don't want to dwell on it all. At any rate, he came back 7 months ago for a new start. Things went well for a couple of months, then began to deteriorate- big surprise, I know. I threw him out just over a week ago and then found out he has been sleeping with my neighbor. She's the only one I know about. I'm sure there are others. I have had no contact with him, nor do I plan to. I have the divorce papers prepared and will file them Monday. I feel so stupid that I have allowed myself into this position for so long and that I took him back again knowing he would hurt me. I feel like there is something wrong with me that I would do that. I never cheated on him. I feel so sad, when I know I shouldn't because I know FOR SURE I am better off without him. It just hurts so bad and I wish it didn't. I wish my heart felt what my head knows. I could just really use some words of encouragement from anyone who has experienced similar situations. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Elizabrary, you've accepted more then you should have ever had to. I never cheated on my wife, never hurt her, did everything I could do for her to make sure she would never want for anything. I never got a second chance. He betrayed your trust, lied cheated and disrespected you, and you still respected him enough to give him a chance to make it right. What else could anyone ask of you. You did it because you loved him and wanted him capable of being a better spouse. Sadly some aren't. Be strong, you've done all you could for your marriage, now its time to do what you can for you. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Wow.. I've never been betrayed (I don't think).. so I'm not sure what kind of advices I can give you .. except.. do think about the 'bad' things.. not the 'good' things about him.. otherwise you'll end up feeling sorry for him again.. and might take him back.. Be strong.. think about YOURSELF.. you don't need that in your life.. he will never stop.. Dump him .. don't look back.. start over again.. (new fresh start).. and trust me, you'll be much much happier.. btdt.. it's not easy but a lot of women have done it.. so can you. Link to post Share on other sites
MrWhatever Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Wow.. I've never been betrayed (I don't think).. so I'm not sure what kind of advices I can give you .. except.. do think about the 'bad' things.. not the 'good' things about him.. otherwise you'll end up feeling sorry for him again.. and might take him back.. Be strong.. think about YOURSELF.. you don't need that in your life.. he will never stop.. Dump him .. don't look back.. start over again.. (new fresh start).. and trust me, you'll be much much happier.. btdt.. it's not easy but a lot of women have done it.. so can you. As a man, I totally agree with the previous advice. Dump him and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elizabrary Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 Thanks everyone for your words. Just hearing these things helps me feel better. I keep putting one foot in front of the other each day, hoping to feel better. It helps to have people like you cheering me on! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 do you have children? Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 you are an amazing lady. You gave him so many chances to redeme his awful behaviour and he right royaly screwd you over!! All I would like to add is well done for kicking him out. Well done for being a forgiving generous woman. Enough is enough and he needs to carry on being a dick on his own. Good luck for a very exciting future ahead of you xx Link to post Share on other sites
tnttim Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Knock his sorry ass off that pedistol you made for him. He's going to keep doing it because you enable him to do it. He might even get a sick thrill from it, like this crazy b*tch keeps taking me back, what else can I do. His self esteem is at an all time high. If you are as good as you say you are, then find someone who appreciates you. You might have a deep seeded pysch issue as well, don't take offense. Like munchausen syndrome, you get a rush off the pain and the attention you get from your family and friends when he cheats on you. Side note, once you give him the papers I'll bet the bank he wants you back. It happens in almost every story on here, read up on it. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 ouch tt OUCH harsh words I feel Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elizabrary Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 No, we don't have children- thank goodness. We each have children of our own from previous relationships- mine is nearly grown now, but his are a bit younger and I will miss them. I KNOW this has to be over and I have to move on. That's why I'm filing for divorce immediately. It just hurts like crazy and I feel like I will never find love. I started to say "find love again" but I don't think I really had love from him anyway! I'm trying to believe the future will be brighter. It's just hard being alone on the holidays. He even said we should wait until after Christmas and enjoy the holidays together. WTF? I figured I could be miserable with or without him, so I kicked him out and returned all his presents. I took the money and bought stuff for my dogs! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 good for you.. the dogs are more deserving... don't look back.. look ahead of you.. for a great future.. no children.. this is even easier.. you won't have to see his face again.. I promise you... being alone.. doesn't mean being miserable.. I rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable.. Link to post Share on other sites
nobmagnet Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 hahahaha good for you!!! i spent the money i would have spent on him on meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! two fingers up! future is what we make it love. Work on getting over him and making YOU happy. If you find somebody...great.....if you dont...........your happy. WIN WIN xx Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Elizabrary, I think you need to be your own cheering section. I miss my wife everyday even now. When it gets bad and I'm beating myself up, I take a drive down to the bar where I caught her meeting her EA partner. Sit in the same stool order a beer and remember who did this to our marriage. As for finding love.... You won't, real love finds you, all you have to do is let it in. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Elizabrary Posted December 31, 2009 Author Share Posted December 31, 2009 You guys must have really uplifted me with your comments because- I swear- I was asked out on a date! How crazy is that? I told him I needed awhile to get my head straight, but it was certainly an ego boost. Thanks for all the confidence building! Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted December 31, 2009 Share Posted December 31, 2009 Congrats Elizabrary, enjoy the attention! TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
tnttim Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 Congrats on the date prospect, huge step forward for your self esteem. A relationship happens when you least expect it. You should have said yes and went out and had fun though, you'd be surprised how easy it is sometimes. Plus imagine his dismay if he saw you with another man, priceless. REMEMBER: You are a Corvette that has sat in the garage for awhile, and when your husband see's you out with another man. He's gonna think, "hey that ******* is driving my Corvette, WTF." Link to post Share on other sites
tnttim Posted January 1, 2010 Share Posted January 1, 2010 ouch tt OUCH harsh words I feel The truth usually has that effect Link to post Share on other sites
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