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affection, yes?


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First, I've been married for almost seven years. We were married young and didn't know each other fo long. My wife had a daughter who I adopted when we met. We now have two girls.

 

Our marriage has been a tough one. I was very selfish and mean. If I could say a mean thing, I did. I never meant to hurt her feelings, but I did, I think it had to do with control. We seperated last year for a few months. I found the lord and it totally changed my life, I don't carry any of the same behaviors anymore. I thought things were going well, until. I found out she has been cheating for about seven month, during which I had moved back in, making plans for our future. We all work in the same place.

 

My relationship with her is better now as friends than it ever has been. We never started as friends. She is moving out and moving in with him, he is married with two kids also. He has a history of cheating, about 5 times, and my wife is blind to the obvious, because they are in "love." She says this is her first. We still show each other affection,(hug,kissing on the cheek, even saying I love you, no sex.) I know her cheating was a way to escape, but the dynamics of our relationship has changed so much, I see so much hope.

 

Should I contiune to be her freind and show her affection and give her support? Is that too confusing for the kids? I never gave her the support she needed before. I forgive her, and still love her! I'm not going to wait for her, but I would take her back. Do I write her off, or wait and watch the fireworks and be there when she crashes? This stuff is so confusing!!

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First time being in love? I suggest you give her support, but don't wait around for her. She obviously feels that is is over between you two if she is moving in with another man. Sounds like to me she is not willing to put forth the effort in working things out if she is being intimate with another man. It is probably because of the way you treated her in the past. If you have changed, then be her friend, but I wouldn't hold my breath.

If you have found the Lord maybe you can get into a good church that has a group for you. You can get support and encouragement from others w/ your same beliefs.

No, it is not going to be confusing for the kids if you two are still friends. As a child of divorce I remember my father saying hateful things about my mom. I wish that could have been friends. Be there for her and if the obvious happens and she wants you back it is your decision. Good luck and just try to learn from your past mistakes so you do not make them again with you next partner.

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just because you changed, doesn't mean she did. sounds like she likes the familiar 'being treated like sh*t' thing, scared of being treated well'.

 

if nothing else, at least you reached down into your soul and discovered you didn't like what you saw and changed it.

 

that's most important!

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  • 3 weeks later...

If she has moved in with ANOTHER man, forget it. Just swallow what little pride you have left and move on and find another. I know it's hard, but it is best. Well, you don't even have to find another as of right now. Just go through the grieving process and live and learn. Take care of you man and don't be there for her. Let her deal with the mess that she has made.

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As sad as it is, you have a case of waking up a little too late.

Yes, I think you should continue to be her friend, her best friend, show her affection and give her all the support she needs.

 

Let's face it, there was a time when you were not such a good friend to your wife. It would be the best medicine in the world for her to see you as a changed person, ESPECIALLY now that she is forming what you and I will call, a potentially bad relationship with this new guy.

 

This new guy is married for one, they cheated for two, not to mention the guy is a repeat offender when it comes to extramarital affairs, it will never last. Your wife will wake up one day, as you, yourself once had to. You could be the guy to pick up the pieces and put it back together, should you decide to wait.

 

No, I do not think showing affection and being supportive of their Mother would confuse your kids at all. If you were having sex it might confuse matters, but as long as the kids see that Dad is still there for Mom, you will get the respect, love and appreciation from everyone involved.

 

If your wife actually does go through with moving in with this guy, don't put your life on hold. Get out, date and move on with your life, just keep in the back of your mind, she'll be back!

 

P.S. I am divorced from a guy who treated me badly. He woke up and realized what he did after we divorced. I am currently in a different "not so healthy" relationship now and there isn't one day that goes by that I don't think about my ex and what kind of relationship we could have this time.

 

You men don't know this, but as much as most women fall for the "bad boy", the "good guy" is always in the back of our minds.

 

Best of luck to you!

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