begood Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Been with guy for five months. He is seperated. Says he is over her. But talks about her and how he will always care for her and the kids. Breaking plans to make her happy and feels he is doing the right thing. Still doing family stuff together even though she has a new boyfrnd too.. Says they are just frnds and wants to get along.. she left him... I know this... He says he is just a good guy and wants her to be happy. seems like he is trying to be the good guy to earn browny points.. Says he is in love with me But I wonder how things would be if i were not in the pic.... Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Been with guy for five months. He is seperated. Says he is over her. But talks about her and how he will always care for her and the kids. Breaking plans to make her happy and feels he is doing the right thing. Still doing family stuff together even though she has a new boyfrnd too.. Says they are just frnds and wants to get along.. she left him... I know this... He says he is just a good guy and wants her to be happy. seems like he is trying to be the good guy to earn browny points.. Says he is in love with me But I wonder how things would be if i were not in the pic.... Are you certain he and the W are "separated"? That she has a BF? I've known too many men that will tell the OW these kind of things to keep them in the pic. (and in the bed?) I would suggest NOT being with a M man. There are millions of good single guys out there. you don't know the whole truth of what you're getting in to, do you?. You could be contributing to the breakup of a salvageable marriage - would you want to live with that? Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I tend to think that seperated doesn't mean a whole lot, especially if it was against his will. Has he filed for divorce? What is he is proactively doing to sever ties? Is he acting more like a concerned father or more like a husband? Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 If his ex has found another man, I think the chances of a reconciliation are slim to none. And his wanting to amicable towards her may be a good sign. The only sure way to tell if it's over: Once they get a divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
shh120 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 If they are only separated for five months you ought to realize that you could just be a rebound chick or someone he is stringing along until he is 100% certain there is no reconciliation with his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 If they are only separated for five months you ought to realize that you could just be a rebound chick or someone he is stringing along until he is 100% certain there is no reconciliation with his wife. Yeah, there is a lot of people on these boards that have gotten back together with ex-es or soon-to-be-exes after seperations of a year or more. Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Yeah, there is a lot of people on these boards that have gotten back together with ex-es or soon-to-be-exes after seperations of a year or more. Sarcasm, I presume HH? Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 (edited) Sarcasm, I presume HH? Not at all. It happens. Awhile back there was a guy on the OW forum that went back to his wife after almost a year of seperation. I worked with a woman whose husband left her for another woman but they were still sort-of together. After the divorce she got pregnant, and they are back together. It does happen, sometimes. When I got divorced, it was final for me. But I keep seeing that it's not final for men quite often. It makes me wonder why some people even bother getting divorced when they stay so "enmeshed". So, in short, I wouldn't trust that a guy seperated for only 5 months is really truly ready to move on. Edited October 28, 2009 by HarmonyHope Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Not at all. It happens. Awhile back there was a guy on the OW forum that went back to his wife after almost a year of seperation. I worked with a woman whose husband left her for another woman but they were still sort-of together. After the divorce she got pregnant, and they are back together. It does happen, sometimes. When I got divorced, it was final for me. But I keep seeing that it's not final for men quite often. It makes me wonder why some people even bother getting divorced when they stay so "enmeshed". So, in short, I wouldn't trust that a guy seperated for only 5 months is really truly ready to move on. OK - fair. I got it. Are you saying that women that cheat and leave are less likely to return than men who cheat and leave? Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I'm about 8 months seperated. I'm not interested in serious dateing yet because I really don't know when the divorce will be finalized. I have no desire to take her back. I could sleep with her any time & choose not to. I won't break any plans for her either. I will for my kids & kids alone. Even though we are not divorced I treat her as if we are. I am cordial to her for the kids sake but she has ZERO influence over me & what I do. She tries, mind you but fails. I don't think your man is ready to move on. I think he feels if he drops everything for her at a moments notice he thinks he's showing her his worth. My buddy did that when he seperated. She used him big time. Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 (edited) OK - fair. I got it. Are you saying that women that cheat and leave are less likely to return than men who cheat and leave? I didn't mean to imply that I was talking about cheaters persay...I think generally women (cheaters and non-cheaters) are less likely than men to come back if they are the ones leaving. Men that leave the relationship seem to have a harder time closing the door, and tend to go back -especially if they leave because they are cheating. I've seen that many times in real life. I think it may have something to do with old stereotypes - women know their husbands can survive just fine without them, but men- particularly men who like "taking care of" their wife have a harder time with seperation because they seem to feel that they are shirking their duty to provide for their "damsel in distress" wife. Edited October 28, 2009 by HarmonyHope Link to post Share on other sites
MrMayI Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 i'm 5 months in, already divorced, and still would explore the possibility of reconciliation if it presented itself. i don't think this guy is over it yet. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 OK - fair. I got it. Are you saying that women that cheat and leave are less likely to return than men who cheat and leave? I believe long term the woman will not return, but she will offer sex to keep the man on a leash. My wife did. I figured out she was still cheating & am ending it. Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I didn't mean to imply that I was talking about cheaters persay...I think generally women (cheaters and non-cheaters) are less likely than men to come back if they are the ones leaving. Men that leave the relationship seem to have a harder time closing the door, and tend to go back -especially if they leave because they are cheating. I've seen that many times in real life. I think it may have something to do with old stereotypes - women know their husbands can survive just fine without them, but men- particularly men who like "taking care of" their wife have a harder time with seperation because they seem to feel that they are shirking their duty to provide for their "damsel in distress" wife. Maybe I should have said "cheater" OR "leaver". My 47 yr old STBXW left a VERY comfortable situation re: money, security, support, ... and a pretty good M too, I would say we were better than the average couple. MLC hits her and now she is now moving on to live with an 18 yo BF. (yes, I said 18!!) She has no skills, no education, no prospect for a decent job. She just started a clerical low paying job. She will probably be 600-700$ short every month when expenses vs. income is considered. And for that she did not want to try to work out the M - though she everything to gain IF she worked it out and nothing to lose but sharing a bed with an 18 yr old boy. Go Figure ... Link to post Share on other sites
FeelingLonely98 Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I believe long term the woman will not return, but she will offer sex to keep the man on a leash. My wife did. I figured out she was still cheating & am ending it. "Offered" sex to you? Wasn't she getting it from the OM? Isn't that why she left? I'm confused ... Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I believe long term the woman will not return, but she will offer sex to keep the man on a leash. My wife did. I figured out she was still cheating & am ending it. I was always very careful not to send my ex-husband mixed signals when we were divorcing. But I know that some women do this. Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 Maybe I should have said "cheater" OR "leaver". My 47 yr old STBXW left a VERY comfortable situation re: money, security, support, ... and a pretty good M too, I would say we were better than the average couple. MLC hits her and now she is now moving on to live with an 18 yo BF. (yes, I said 18!!) She has no skills, no education, no prospect for a decent job. She just started a clerical low paying job. She will probably be 600-700$ short every month when expenses vs. income is considered. And for that she did not want to try to work out the M - though she everything to gain IF she worked it out and nothing to lose but sharing a bed with an 18 yr old boy. Go Figure ... Could be that she's just stubborn too - doesn't want to look like she made a mistake, so she's sticking with her decision. Based on the text message the boy sent you, he sounds pretty immature. I'm guessing she likes the fact that she can easily control the relationship because she's the only adult. That'll get old, and I can pretty much guarantee that relationship won't last. But she's going to have to lie in the bed she made, and when she comes crawling back, I hope you insist she stay there. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 "Offered" sex to you? Wasn't she getting it from the OM? Isn't that why she left? I'm confused ... Well, you arn't the only one. LOL! I rang her bell. always could from the start. She wasn't faking it either. The sex was good. Even though she claimed she "loves him" & he was her "mirror image" I guess he just wasn't as good as me in the sack. Otherwise she is more messed up in the head than I could of imagined. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 I was always very careful not to send my ex-husband mixed signals when we were divorcing. But I know that some women do this. she isn't sending mixed signals. I was with her for about 7 yrs. I can tell by her body language & how unessisarily close she stands next to me. (especially when i'm next to a piece of furniture & can't easily back away) to know what she wants. Her boobs arn't that big yet she somehow finds a way to press them onto my body. I'm not imagining this either. Link to post Share on other sites
HarmonyHope Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 she isn't sending mixed signals. I was with her for about 7 yrs. I can tell by her body language & how unessisarily close she stands next to me. (especially when i'm next to a piece of furniture & can't easily back away) to know what she wants. Her boobs arn't that big yet she somehow finds a way to press them onto my body. I'm not imagining this either. Ok, so she's clear that she wants both, a cake eater. YUCK. Link to post Share on other sites
Blindsidedagainalive Posted October 28, 2009 Share Posted October 28, 2009 she has a new boyfrnd too.. Says they are just frnds and wants to get along.. she left him... I know this... He says he is just a good guy and wants her to be happy. Sure, this is the way a man behaves. His wife dumps him a gets a boyfriend and he wants her to be happy. RIIIIIIGGGGGTTTTT. How idiotic does this sound to you. When this happens to man, who cares about his wife he: Is absolutely devastated Takes YEARS to recover from Is EXTREMELY angry HATES the boyfriend GOES into DEEP depression He is NOT okay with this at all.....yeah. my wife dumped me and has a boyfriend, no big deal...I still want to spend family time with her. Don't you smell a little bull****. This is a very typical. What floors me is your inability to see it...HOW OLD ARE YOU? Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 Ok, so she's clear that she wants both, a cake eater. YUCK. Yepper. I only hope she is happy for the sake of my kids. Otherwise I hope she see's how friggen' happy I am without her. I hope everytime she drops the kids off she realizes that 1800sq ft house with oak trim, hardwood floors, tile floors, berber carpeting & a shaded back yard was her home & she pissed it away as she turns the key on the deadbolt going into her 2 bedroom apartment with shag carpeting, linoleam, missing trim & the sounds of all 10 people living around her through the paper thin walls & relizes how stupid & selfish she was. Am I bitter? maybe just a tad. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 begood, I didn't read the entire thread but if you want to know for certain, suggest that the four of you have dinner together. His body language reaction to this will be more than a thousand words can express. Link to post Share on other sites
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