iglooboo Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 I have been dating someone for several months who is not officially divorced. His ex wife filed and we met soon after that. It turns out it was never finalized because she did not pay her lawyer. He had been separated for a year before we started dating. We are no longer seeing each other until his divorce is final. While I appreciate that he has enough respect for God, me, and marriage to cut off ties completely I am also a bit angry and hurt about the whole situation. I guess I just wondered what everyone thought about this and if you think this will help the relationship or do more harm than good. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 I am not sure why it wasn't an issue to date before- but it's become an issue for him now? Link to post Share on other sites
relationship-advisor Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 Hi, Everyone is on the look out for security in a relation and certain bondings in this case provide us the same.So dont proceed with it untill divorce is finalized. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyAgain Posted September 16, 2009 Share Posted September 16, 2009 You sound like a friend of mine. She started dating her guy less than 2 months after he separated and is now living with him although he never divorced his wife either. He keeps making promises that he will and then comes up with excuses that it costs too much. His wife has been begging for the divorce and is not looking for any alimony but she is financially strapped right now. I honestly don't know what to tell my friend since I don't feel much sympathy for her and i believe the guy is not serious about marrying her so he's okay with the situation as it is. However, waiting until he is officially divorced is probably the best choice for you or he might just string you along until he finds the woman he really wants to spend his life with and marry. That's when he'll actually go through with the divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I'm with D-Lish. After dating you for several months, it seems a tad suspicious/disingenuous that all-of-a-sudden he's concerned about "respecting" you, God and marriage...doesn't it? In any case, it doesn't sound as if you felt "disrespected". And his marriage is over, anyway. And, I really can't envision God waiting on this guy's Decree Absolute before pronouncing, "Go forth and date." Could be that he's having a tough time dealing with and/or communicating his deeper feelings, fears and whatnots...but a finalized divorce won't resolve that problem. If you're still in contact, why not call him on it? May as well find out sooner than later if he really sees you in his future, or if you're more of a back-up plan. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 A definite rule to abide by: don't date men in the midst of divorce or are separated. Not only are they legally attached to other women by law, but they could be coming out of a mid life crisis where they rather play then settle. Link to post Share on other sites
Thornton Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Why did he decide to cut ties with you? He didn't have a problem with dating you before, so why does he suddenly have a problem with it now? Could it be that he's looking for an easy get-out from your relationship? Perhaps he just saw you as a rebound fling while he was going through his divorce? If I were you, I'd feel angry and hurt too. I agree with xpaperxcutx: it's a bad idea to date men who are in the midst of divorce and still legally married to someone else, especially because they might see you as a rebound fling, or the divorce might drag on and never be finalised. The best thing you can do now is to stay away from this man until he's legally divorced and is single and free to date, if indeed that ever happens. Link to post Share on other sites
howcouldInotknow Posted October 4, 2009 Share Posted October 4, 2009 Oh girl this was my exact experience. I began dating a man more than a year after he and his wife had separated. The divorce process had begun long before I entered the picture. We dated for over a year. Got engaged. We never moved in together. Then we ran into his wife's sister and then his wife started contesting the divorce settlement and just in general created tons of issues and at that point I was ready to leave he begged me not to go then a month later he left me to go back to her. So while not all men who are separated have this issue the majority of them do so just stay away move on with your life it isn't worth the heartache Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I am seperated & months away from a divorce. The most i've done is talk to a woman on the phone or hang out with them. I've no real desire to date anyone seriously & wouldn't use somebody to get some action like the OP's ex-man probably did. Link to post Share on other sites
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