Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 I've been married for 4 years. He works 3 hours away and would only come home one week a month.. Ok so the marriage has gone to S**T.. He as asked for a divorce. Comes home a week later I get a hold of his phone. Found out he is seeing some girl. Says he is in love with her after seeing her only 2 weeks. Ok... So yes I'm hurt crushed depressed.. Atleast I know for sure its over. He is just pulling my strings constantly. He has all the control. I am a homemaker he makes the money he can do whatever he wants. So he tells me no I'm not over you but I will be. He says hurtful things how everything is my fault. One minute he says he loves her then he dose'nt He is a jerk one minute and the next apologizing saying he feels bad. But not for what he did only because I am hurt. Ok ya move on I get it yes its hard. Yes I am trying. But why is he still being a miserable jerk to me I did nothing to him. Now he is saying he wont give me a divorce because he dosent want to pay spousal or childsupport. He says he will pay bills and rent for 6 months and thats it. Then he tells me I still love you but not in love with you and I wont let you struggle. I guess my question is why the mind games really. Why treat me like crap hasn't he done enough? I know the best option now is not to speak to him anymore. Yes we have kids he says he will come to see them then never does. I will give him his divorce but I dont understand why he is being such a nasty person. This is the third time he has cheated on me I have done nothing but forgive him. That WILL NOT happen again. I know not talking to him will hopefully get my point accross that I am done with his abusive games. I just dont know why he is doing it.. Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 wow! i am always amazed at how ON SPOT all our stories are... your post sounds like my OP months ago.. my stbx had an online EA for 3 weeks, was in love with OW and wanted a D... long story short, OW broke it off with him, he still wants a D... here is the thing you need to understand...all of these things everyone here helped me understand and get thru this devastation the last 2 months... your H is re-writing the marriage, to make himself less guilty and Gas Lighting you...(google Gas Lighting) he is also being mean cause he is trying to make you hate him and vice versa, so as to make it all easier... to reason in his OWN head why he is having this A...justifying the A, so there is NO guilt to bring him down from this A high, the FOG he is in... he is messing with your mind about wanting you, then NOT...etc... it is called "cake eater"....he is hanging on to you while he plays with this OW...just in case? YOU file the papers...he will flip out...also, you have rights too. he keeps saying he loves you etc...cause he doesn't want you to file for D, and stick him with COURT ordered alimony and child support payments.. and believe me, those payments will be for longer than 6 lousy months;) BUT you have to really mean it and just do it, and get on with YOUR life...i SO get how hard it is... it has been 2 months for me. most days i am OK, and moving on with the D and my life, and i even laugh and go out now , but some nights i do sit in my bed and cry and remember the 13 years we had together...and those years were NOT as bad as HE is making them sound, like i said above, cheaters have to justify the A, so they are mean to us non-cheaters, even as far to make up stuff that never even happened in the marriage... please get yourself into IC, divorce care groups, and keep posting here..everyone here has wonderful advice, as soo many of these members have been thru exactly what you are going thru and they take time to care and help us that are still going thru it... so if this is the 3rd time he has cheated...make this one the LAST! you go file, get those papers filed, get your alimony and child support and be done with this mess...YOU make it happen...don't wait for him to do;) Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 why's he doing this? easy---you let him do it 2 other times,he's use to walking all over you and you take him back.no offense quit being his doormat.do the female version of manning up, and get rid of his azz. Link to post Share on other sites
delajoonal Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 p.s this is what everyone here told me...sometimes IT stung... but sitting around wondering WHY he is doing what HE is doing..is a waste of time for you...use this time to get emotionally healthy and take care of you and your children...they need you to be healthy and happy...and STRONG. so just do one hour at a time, i still can't even do one whole day ..LOL... but one hour and keep a journal of your hours and days...so when you look back, you will smile HUGE at the amazing progress you will make thru this devastating time... i would only advise what i have done myself, i do practice what i preach...it is hARD, but IT can be done... take care... Link to post Share on other sites
Juristhea Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 I've been married for 4 years. He works 3 hours away and would only come home one week a month.. Ok so the marriage has gone to S**T.. He as asked for a divorce. Comes home a week later I get a hold of his phone. Found out he is seeing some girl. Says he is in love with her after seeing her only 2 weeks. Ok... So yes I'm hurt crushed depressed.. Atleast I know for sure its over. He is just pulling my strings constantly. He has all the control. I am a homemaker he makes the money he can do whatever he wants. So he tells me no I'm not over you but I will be. He says hurtful things how everything is my fault. One minute he says he loves her then he dose'nt He is a jerk one minute and the next apologizing saying he feels bad. But not for what he did only because I am hurt. Ok ya move on I get it yes its hard. Yes I am trying. But why is he still being a miserable jerk to me I did nothing to him. Now he is saying he wont give me a divorce because he dosent want to pay spousal or childsupport. He says he will pay bills and rent for 6 months and thats it. Then he tells me I still love you but not in love with you and I wont let you struggle. I guess my question is why the mind games really. Why treat me like crap hasn't he done enough? I know the best option now is not to speak to him anymore. Yes we have kids he says he will come to see them then never does. I will give him his divorce but I dont understand why he is being such a nasty person. This is the third time he has cheated on me I have done nothing but forgive him. That WILL NOT happen again. I know not talking to him will hopefully get my point accross that I am done with his abusive games. I just dont know why he is doing it.. Don't delve into the things that he's done to you but rather on the things that you should help you recover from a broken marriage and relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted May 2, 2009 Author Share Posted May 2, 2009 p.s this is what everyone here told me...sometimes IT stung... but sitting around wondering WHY he is doing what HE is doing..is a waste of time for you...use this time to get emotionally healthy and take care of you and your children...they need you to be healthy and happy...and STRONG. so just do one hour at a time, i still can't even do one whole day ..LOL... but one hour and keep a journal of your hours and days...so when you look back, you will smile HUGE at the amazing progress you will make thru this devastating time... i would only advise what i have done myself, i do practice what i preach...it is hARD, but IT can be done... take care... Thank you all for your comments.. I dont mean this rude at all so i hope it dosent come out that way.. Of course I am worried about how he is treating me. Its effecting the kids. If we cant be civil then it just makes it harder for them. No I cant forgive him. No I dont want to be his friend. However I can be civil for the childrens sake. It just strikes me as so odd how someone could be so cold to someone they said they once loved and who is taking care of there kids. Its definetly hard to go through this and I suppose usually someone in the divorce always makes the other miserable. I wish they had drive through divorces. Yes I will take one divorce with and order of alimony and 2 sides of childsupport.. Thanx Link to post Share on other sites
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