She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 My wife and have have been together for over 16 years, and have been married almost 15 years, and at this point I am distraught, and considering working towards separating and/or divorcing. Even if I wasn't considering it personally (the way it's worked in the past is that by this time next week I won't be), I wanted to get opinions on the best choices and decisions to make in regards to emotional, mental, and financial fitness, and maintaining these things in during the separation and/or divorce... So, is there anything you can think of that you wish you'd done differently? Anything you wish you're ex (or stbx) had done differently? Something that you have done (or are currently doing) that has worked well for you? It could be anything relating to the kids, and/or money and/or taking care of yourself, etc, etc. If you could do it all over again, what would you change? Link to post Share on other sites
Ronni_W Posted March 28, 2009 Share Posted March 28, 2009 The one thing I do wish I'd have known about BEFORE making my decision to leave is the 'emotional needs' and 'love busters' questionnaires over at marriagebuilders.com (okay, maybe those are two things .) It's hindsight, so I can't even tell you exactly what/how I think those would have made any real/significant difference. I just know they did offer me some comfort when I found them...about 1 year after separating. After the fact, it worked well for me to stay true to my own values, and to work to maintain relationships with my former in-laws (and help my ex to do the same with my family.) And I'm glad I joined a divorce support group, in addition to being part of an online community. For mental/emotional health: humour, compassion, forgiveness, understanding and patience -- for/with myself and my ex and our family and friends. Also stress & anger management workshops. I didn't start individual therapy until 3 or 4 years later. My divorce was the worst...and the best...thing that happened to me. But the "best" part only came after much really crap stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
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