lued700 Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 My wife just told me she doesnot love me the same as she did when we got married.She feels numb.She said there is only like a 1% chance she wants to try and make it work.She told me she does care about me and love me,but not like she did.I did mess up and make her feel this way.Well here is what i did.i did some lies to here about me when we where dating.I was scared of losing her.There was this other guys trying for her to and he was saying a whatever he could to keep her away from me and it was working.I loved her so much i started to do things and be someone i was not.I was trying to change.I did.Well we get married and what happens i fall back to my old ways of video gaming and watching lots of tv and football.I took her for granted and she was throwing hints at me to shape up,but i didnot.Now it is alittle over a year later after are wedding and i have finally stop doing the lying and video gaming and watching tv alot.I maybe play about and hour a week and watch like 6 hrs of tv now.It was way bad before.I have did this for like 2 months.I think the thing that really bothers her is i lied and she has told me that she cannot trust me anymore.She said if she knew i was lying before we got married she would of not wanted to be with me.I finally have seen the light,but i feel it is to late.Is there anyway i can get her to love me like she did or is it over.I love her so very much and i know i messed up.I told her i have changed,but she doesnot belive me.I messed up and iam really having a hard time right now.Help. Link to post Share on other sites
Gowithflow Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Just my opinion. I'm sort of in the same boat but without the lies. If there's already someone else then don't even bother. Her heart isn't in it and you will just sound dumb if you say you can all of the sudden change. Better now than years later! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lued700 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Share Posted November 27, 2008 Well she is not seeing anyone else and i know i can change,but it may be to late.I wish i knew what to say or do,but maybe i will just have to let her go as hard as that may be.I want her to be happy:( Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Tell her EXACTLY what you told us here. Keep being honest and stay away from the TV/video habits. She definitely still loves you from what she told you; plus you've only been together for a year. Ask her if this is how she is going to go through life and relationships: not give anyone a second (or third) chance and breaking off after a year. Nobody is perfect. It's not like you cheated or beat her or anything. If she loves you, trust me, she will give you a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lued700 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Share Posted November 27, 2008 Thanks for the support.Well i have told her what i have posted here and it didnot help.I wish she would give me a second chance,but one of the problems is she went threw a divorce before and keeps saying all men suck and she thought i was different.I know iam different,but dang my bad habits came back with little lies,gaming and watching tv.I am such a dummy for messing up with her.She told me how her last ex husband had lied and was very mean to her and almost broke her fingers.I should of knew better and showed her all the love i have for her and not took her granted after we first got married.iam such a bum. Link to post Share on other sites
LostHusband Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 First of all - ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! If she truly loved you she would want to work things out, something in her heart died for you, but it's because she is the type of woman who relies on others to make her happy. She expects to be married to a perfect man, a prince charming, a knight in shining armor who will worship her and make her live in constant bliss. Of course there is no such man, there is no perfect mate for anyone. But many of these walkaway wives are waiting for just that, and when you don't meet up with all of their unreachably high expectations, they begin to look elsewhere. I use to blame myself too, but really, when I thought about it, I was really good to my wife. I was kind, I never lied, never cheated, treated her well, made dinner for her, did the household chores for her, we had a great sex life, I took her out when we had a chance to go out, I tried the best I could to get along with her, but she had anger issues and out of control spending issues and it was hard. I realized that there really was nothing I could have done differently except be that "perfect man" for her that doesn't exist. Not your fault - if all the things you listed were the only problem, she would be giving you a chance to better things. But at this point she's gotten tired of the relationship and wants something more. Sorry it had to come to this, we are who we are, we all make mistakes, but if someone refuses to believe we can't learn from our mistakes and work on things, then let them try elsewhere I suppose. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lued700 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Share Posted November 27, 2008 Thanks.I been reading some other posts on here tonight and it has helped,but iam still sad as can be.I am thinking of calling some of my buddies up and see if i can crash at there place for awhile and give my wife here space.Maybe she will miss me and want to work things out or maybe she won't.I will miss her like crazy,but i donot know what else to do. Link to post Share on other sites
confused71 Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 First of all - ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! If she truly loved you she would want to work things out, something in her heart died for you, but it's because she is the type of woman who relies on others to make her happy. She expects to be married to a perfect man, a prince charming, a knight in shining armor who will worship her and make her live in constant bliss. Of course there is no such man, there is no perfect mate for anyone. But many of these walkaway wives are waiting for just that, and when you don't meet up with all of their unreachably high expectations, they begin to look elsewhere. I use to blame myself too, but really, when I thought about it, I was really good to my wife. I was kind, I never lied, never cheated, treated her well, made dinner for her, did the household chores for her, we had a great sex life, I took her out when we had a chance to go out, I tried the best I could to get along with her, but she had anger issues and out of control spending issues and it was hard. I realized that there really was nothing I could have done differently except be that "perfect man" for her that doesn't exist. Not your fault - if all the things you listed were the only problem, she would be giving you a chance to better things. But at this point she's gotten tired of the relationship and wants something more. Sorry it had to come to this, we are who we are, we all make mistakes, but if someone refuses to believe we can't learn from our mistakes and work on things, then let them try elsewhere I suppose. Listen to this man.He knows what hes talking about.I too still blame myself but I treated my wife well like lost husband.I dont know what happened but it was like a switch was flicked on my wife and she became this selfish different person who didnt care who she hurt.I would definately delve deaper and see if your wife is seeing someone else.I mean wanting a divorce just because someone watches tv a bit is a touch extreme.I used to be a musician but since being with my wife gave it all up to keep her happy.Didnt make the slightest bit of difference.There will always be some other reason why she feels you are not good enough for her.But the truth usually is shes met someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lued700 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Share Posted November 27, 2008 Well i talked to a friend.He said he has and extra room in apartment.He said i would just have to pay half the rent.The only bad things he lives above a bar.I will have to get my ear plugs ready.I ll let my wife know tonight that i am thinking of move out and give her sometime and space to decide what she wants to do.I hope she wants to work it out,but if not i will try make it.Thanks for the help everybody. Link to post Share on other sites
alwayssme Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 when you love somebody you forgive them. God says forgive to be forgiven! And I know how you're feeling because I went through a similar situation. I hurt my ex and he never let it go, before he broke up with me, he brought up everything. I felt liek it was my fault untill finally it just came to the conclusion that he was not in love with me anymore...Great now not only did i feel rejected and unloved but also GUILTY...i still feel that way but what is there to do now? you cant go back and fix the past and i learned the hard way that we need to let go of what we have no control over--and that's other peoples actions and emotions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lued700 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Share Posted November 27, 2008 Yep thanks for the advice.I wish i could go back in time,but i can't.Ill just have to live my life and hope things work out and my wife gives me a 2nd chance. Link to post Share on other sites
TeaAbraham Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 I made mistakes in my relationship too that I wish I could change. I know now I would never make the same mistakes again, but she has already found another man, and it is too late. Unfortunately little hints don't really make you change your behavior. Big events like this do! So maybe in the future we will all be able to respond to those little hints, and know what can come if we don't. But for now it is difficult for her to believe you if you say you will change. You have been acting a certain way for such a long time, those words mean nothing! Your actions do. The only way she would be able to trust your words is given time and adherence to your new ways. But really, that shouldn't be too hard! TV, video games, and lying are not really that great! So the only way is for your wife to have faith in you and in what you tell her you will do. You've really got to make it known how sincere you are. And IF she does give you that second chance, don't let the eye of the storm soften you up. You have got to be serious about changing as you said you would. It's too easy to revert back to how it was when things calm down. Constant vigilence! So it seems to me like all you can do is really show how much you want to be that man for her, and hope that she has enough faith in you to give you a shot. And if she does, you've got to show her she had a reason to have faith in you. Anyway, I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 27, 2008 Share Posted November 27, 2008 Your best bet is to cut your loses and run like Hell. If it wasn't the "gaming" gambling, and watching TV, it would be someting else. No matter what you do, how much you give, it will never be enough. You will always come up short and lacking. I've meet more than one woman since having been divorced eighteen years ago, who have told me my XHEX was crazy for cheating on me / divorcing me. A lot of women / men (not all) are selfish and want it to be all about them, thier wants, thier needs, their goals, their ambitions. No one can subjugate themselves totally to that of another, but that's what a lot of people are looking for. With my last LTR GF after being together six and half years got to bitchin', moaning and complaing about my drinking. "Wait one damn minute? Where did your happy azz meet at?" "In a bar." "And what was I doing? That's right! Smoking and drinking!" Sheezzzh! Link to post Share on other sites
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