Out of left field ,never saw it coming

[rod24773]

My wife of 18 years has been going through what appeared to be menopause symptoms for some 5 months now .We have seen a doctor and she is on an anti depressant .we have spoken to our minister about her hormone problems. On Nov1st she informed me she has been having an affair with a man for a few months who she "Has a special bond with ". I was totally shocked and destroyed by this .It came completely out of left field .I had no reason to suspect my wife of cheating as we were very happy together. She has been a zombie since she went on the pills . She has paid little attention to either myself , our two young sons or our neighbors since being medicated . She is moving out next monday and I am absolutely destroyed . I don't know how I can go on but I must for my sons . Any inspirational words would be of use thanks .

[spupwc]

Sorry to hear this and I feel your pain, My situation is similar except it was going on for a while. she was with him for 2 mths then we got back together for two only for her two sneak around on me then throw me to the curb for good. it hurts bad... let her go in my opinion and give her time too think about her behavior and maybe she will stay or if she goes maybe she will come back that is if ur willing, what u shudn't do is beg and plead to her cause this will only push her away more...trust me and many peopl here on ls, we did the begging and pleading and it doesn't work and it only makes u suffer more and feel like a fool..

[skinman]

rod24773,

 

I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I am going through something similiar. My wife of close to 16 years decided a month ago that she no longer loved me and couldn't see spending the rest of her life with me. I dont believe there is someone else in my situation but you never know. Our life seemed pretty good before all this happened granted we had our problems but i never dreamed she would ask me to move out and want a divorce. As with your wife mine has been going through the menopause symptoms herself and I assumed it was a mid life crisis fueling all of this but dont really know for sure..I feel for you man.. I know exactly how you feel that the life you knew is over all of your hopes and dreams have been dashed there will be days that it is tough so keep plugging away for your boys. I have 2 daughters that are caught up in this and my heart breaks for them.

 

Best advice I can give is give her space and let her have time to work out her feelings. Dont beg and plead with her or try and contact her to much. I did all of that and it ended up pushing my wife farther away.... your in my thoughts buddy I hope it works out for you.. If you want check out my thread "she asked for space and I gave it to her" there have been some really nice people that have offered me plenty of suggestions on how to cope and try and get through this... Know this there are many people going through the same stuff as you man so hang in there and try and be strong for your sons... They are going to need you..

 

best wishes

skin..

[ilmw]

We who have been "dumped" tend not to see it coming... we are happily living our lives... unaware.... and/or the last to know.... a bomb is about to drop....

 

It scrabbles your brain.. and shatters your world....all that you knew/know.... it about to change.... and it seems possibly for ever??

 

Its true.... you must not beg plead... whine.... any of that which would make you seem weak.... Never sink to that..... as others will tell you.... Stay strong.. if not for yourself... for your kids!

 

Did she tell you why she is unhappy... has she told you anything other than.... she is done with you??

 

Tell us more... and you will get more advise... and words of encouragement...k

 

Gotta go...

 

Be strong....

 

ilmw

[rod24773]

Thanks for the kind words and support to all who replied .My wife gave me no explanation other than "She and this man have a bond no one can understand". She no longer loves me like she should . During the last five months she has been in a state of depression with hot flashes and anxiety .She has made some totally out of character poor decisions regarding the care of our children .She went as far as to plan to sell our house without me knowing or agreeing and buy some huge mansion we couldnt afford .I took this as another way to try and make her feel good and find happiness .She was confused and very confusing .She then started to buy new clothes and such . A sure sign of an affair if not for the hormone parade we were already on . Everyone around her other than one sister is angry at what she has done .She says she feels horrible and is the worst person in world .I asked her if she hated me .She said no that she still has feelings for me .I asked how she could destroy me so if she didnt hate me . She quickly left so as not to face the music. I know it will gte better once she leaves but I still cannot believe this is happening .I am so lost !!!!!!!!!!!

[What Now]

I hear ya and feel your pain, just know that you're not alone!

My wife of 14 years is doing a similar thing except there isn't another man, she just claims she doesn't love me anymore.

I know the situation is different but I still think that you need to keep your life together with your kids.

I cry everyday, this relationship stuff really sucks!!

[rod24773]

I know what you mean "What Now". I could curl up in ball and just cry the rest of my life away .If not for my sons I dont know what I would do >I am trying to be strong for them but at the same time show them that it is ok to be a man and show emotion. My wife shows very little. My counsellor says that this is due to the guilt she is feeling .She has immersed herself in a world of denial. When she is willing to look me in the eyes I see the pain but msot times she avoids any confrontation or honesty at all.