Wendyrock Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I'm waiting on the divorce to be final, we have been apart since October 2007. I am having a very hard time dealing with the anger and grief I'm feeling. As a history, we were married 25 years last August. About 10 years ago, I was feeling very lonely and rejected and I told him I was unhappy and wanted a divorce. His answer to me was that he'd hate to see me go bankrupt as I didn't have enough money to support myself and the children. He was right there, so I stayed, and it was strained for a short time, but we got better. I thought. Our relationship has been bad the past three or four years. He became sexually abusive with me. He withdrew emotionally even more. But on to the main reason for this post. The kids are grown now, the youngest 20. I left in October because I couldn't take it anymore. Since then, I was starting to heal, I had quit crying daily. Then I stumbled on to a post here that he did here in 2002. He thought two of our three kids were not his, and he secretly had them tested. The were his, I NEVER fooled around on him. I found out in his post he was only staying married for the kids, but that if he ever had any "proof" he'd leave me. Well of course he never had proof as I wasn't cheating. But he never confronted me with his suspicions, we could have either worked things out or divorced and saved us both many years of pain. Things make since now that I know his opinion of me, but it sure does hurt. It opened the pain and anger again, and I can't stop crying. I'm sure he's said things to the kids, my daughter barely speaks to me. My sons are very nice, but turn into a brick wall if I mention anything about him. I would NEVER tell them these things about him, it would only hurt them. Any advice would be helpful, I need to get over this anger and pain. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 Why the anger and pain? Did you not want this divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wendyrock Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 Good question. When I left, I had hoped he'd realize how he had hurt me, and would at least try. I didn't want a divorce I wanted a separation. He went to the lawyer the next day. I think I want a divorce, but that doesn't stop how I feel. So I guess maybe I'm not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted August 17, 2008 Share Posted August 17, 2008 I suggest you stop playing games. Your husband sounds like a no-nonsense guy. Does he have anger issues? I get a feeling of resentment and anger floating around there from both of you. Are you passive aggressive? Do you typically hold back? Does he have to elicit more information or feeling out of you? Is he bossy? etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wendyrock Posted August 17, 2008 Author Share Posted August 17, 2008 I don't want to go over crud that went on. I just want help getting over how I feel. I'm not the one playing games. I recently discovered that he thought I was fooling around on him and was using him. It led him to be sexually abusive to me. Yea, real stand up kind of guy. I had no idea why he was acting this way toward me because he never told me. I didn't even know this when I left, I just knew I couldn't be in that house or bed anymore. It makes me angry that he feels this way, it would anger anyone. Until just a couple of days ago I had no idea what he was thinking, so this is a fresh pain for me. My purpose in posting here is to get tips on positively dealing with anger. Link to post Share on other sites
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