AquaBliss Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 So, I have been divorced for going on six years now. My X husband and I have three children and were married for 11 years. I have two of my children living with me and my oldest son whom is sixteen lives with his father even though I have full custody of him. During the summer vacation we exchange our children lol sounds funny when I think about it , he has our 14 year old daughter and 10 year old son, and I have our 16 year old son. My problem is he has sat there degrading me to our 16 year old son , and my son was so furious that he felt the need to share it with me, and ugh I was so mad. Why in the hell does he after 5 years still feel the need to talk bad about me to our children none the less? I do not put him down in any way at all in front of our children. I grew up listening to my mother and her family talking crap about my father,and I remember how angry it made me so I wont do it . I have to drive today allmost 9 hours to meet my X husband and his wife to switch the kids and I am really trying to practice some self control here. How am I suppose to deal with this? I know I should keep my mouth shut and say to myself " its his problem he needs to build a bridge and get the hell over it" Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 I have the exact same problem with my X. I have custody of my daughter and she visits him every other weekend. While she is there, he and his GF talk badly about myself and my new husband - as well as discuss child support, etc. with her. This causes my daughter stress, but nothing I say can stop him. While he has been this way for the past ten years, it is hard for me to hear this man talk about my new husband who cares for this child better than he ever chose to. The way we handle it is, take the high road. Set the example. Your kids will notice not only that you are above this type of behavior, but that he is beneath you. Its sad, but really the better outcome of several evils. At least they have one parent setting the proper example. Any my daughter HAS noticed, after years. I must admit, I have slipped a few times and been verbal with him within my daughter's hearing (when he pushed every single one of my buttons). Later, I told my daughter I wanted to apologize to him - you know what she said? "Don't Mom." She loves him, doesnt respect his opinion of me, and believes he was raised by wolves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AquaBliss Posted August 7, 2008 Author Share Posted August 7, 2008 Thanks for sharing that with me. Its good to know I am not the only one lol... I saw him yesterday,but I did not bring it up... When he is around which is only during the summer because I live in Texas and he lives in Virginia he is polite and does not say anything mean , or disrespectful. He just does it to the kids when he has them during summer vacation, hell last year he was trying to talk my now 14 year old daughter into moving in with him, and she was very upset and was uncomfortable. Oh well.... Your right take the high road which is what I have been doing and will continue .. but sometimes OMG I want to say a word or two ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author AquaBliss Posted August 7, 2008 Author Share Posted August 7, 2008 [FONT="]Sounds troubling but the only thing you can do is talk about it or it won’t go away if the husband is not really a possibility I would consider the wife.[/FONT] [FONT="] [/FONT] [FONT="]Let me know how it goes.[/FONT] I dont think its his wife ..... unless she is insecure I mean why not I had a relationship with this man from the time I was 14 till I was 29 ..... Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 For all my "Take the High Road" talk...last night I sure had to apply it!! He has been out of work for quite sometime on disability) and has been cranky. My daughter (12) hasnt been wanting to spend as much time with him, but is unable to communicate this to him. I tried to be delicate, telling him I'm sure this would pass - and of course he ends up screaming at me that its my doing. He is losing her with his unfounded victim attitude and although I knew it was bound to happen (and sometimes looked forward to it) - it hurts my daughter. This is not the way it needs to be. I was dumbfounded by his accusations, did raise my voice, but basically said nothing that was heard. I wish she wanted to see him, I wish he could just keep his bitterness quiet once or twice a month so it didnt stress her. I could choke him all the way down the high road. Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 You are not alone. I have been dealing with this for the past 6 years, also. My ex-husband said the most viscious things about me to my 3 kids during our divorce. It cooled down the last 5 years, but oddly enough, started up again when my alimony ended this past June. ???? You'd think he'd be happy. I just got married (eloped) last Sat. (with my boyfriend of 4 years) and told my ex yesterday. He made it a point to stop over at my house, went outside and called me names in front of our 10 year old daughter. She told him to not talk to me that way, and he told her the 'truth hurts doesn't it' and laughed. I'll defend myself, but refuse to play the name-calling game with him-especially in front of the kids. And like you mentioned-putting you down in front of your son backfired on him. Keep taking the high road--your ex is only making himself look bad. Link to post Share on other sites
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