LuCidiTy Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 how pathetic was that? I wonder if I win the prize? Yep...that was me. My so-called marriage. Guess it was one of the prices I paid for marrying a man I didn't love the way I thought I should have and then staying for the child. Link to post Share on other sites
mysocalledlife Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 Well you beat me by a year or so, so you may win the prize, but you're not the only one in that boat. And if you read enough posts here on LS, I think you will find the situation is actually more common than you think. What is going on now that you decided to post? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LuCidiTy Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 Ah...so many people putting up with so much...well What's going on now...hmmm. Well the divorce will be final next month. I attempted to hang in there until our son graduated high school, but, due to escalating abuse (about 14 years mental...the last 13 months of that absolute hell due to an affair he started...and three times physical in the last month before I had him arrested and banned from the family home and me and my son at the end of November), missed that goal by about six months. It wasn't a secret that we were going our separate ways at the end of May 2008. For 14 years he told me that he was going to "make me stay" until that point...until I was too old and too ugly to ever find another and so that I would die lonely and alone. I think the abuse escalated because the end was near and he wasn't comfortable with that or ready for it and he knew it was inevitable and that I was looking forward to it and the rest of my life without him, out from under his control, which I always recognized but never caved into. I stayed, but for my own reasons, under my own terms, taking responsibility for my own choices, and accepting the sacrifices. I made my plans and my peace with it all long ago, and got very strong during those years. But now I find myself looking back saying...wow...how could I have gone that long without any intimate contact? Where did the time go, and what has that perhaps done to me that I'm unaware of? I had many, many opportunities for such contact but never felt right about it as my focus was elsewhere and I frankly did not want to further complicate the situation. Last June, 8 months after I found out about his budding affair, which lasted at least a year that I'm aware of, I met someone online. We became friends, and being involved in similar hells at home, with his child being much younger and his SO being what he termed a girlfriend and not a wife or partner, we grew very close. For 8 months we spoke on the phone everyday, sometimes two or three times, talked for hours and hours in IM, sent thousands upon thousands of texts. Then in January, we met, and I had the second first kiss of my life. But this is a whole other story...separate and compartmentalized and possibly over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LuCidiTy Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 p.s. mysocalledlife...i'm sorry you went through that too. it sucks, doesn't it? how did you cope? Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 He told you for 14 years that he would be leaving you in May 2008? Because that's the time by which he thought you'd be ugly?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LuCidiTy Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 He told you for 14 years that he would be leaving you in May 2008? Because that's the time by which he thought you'd be ugly?!?! Yes. He said over and over and over again through all those years that he would keep me in the marriage our son graduated from high school because by then I would be old and ugly and no other man would ever want me and that I'd spend the rest of my life and die alone. Then I believe he freaked when I called his bluff after about 5 years of this. But he never stopped. Oh and that was among the nicer things he said to me in the marriage. I'm 7 years older than he is, and to his great astonishment, I kept myself busy and active and didn't get older and uglier. Quite the opposite in fact. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LuCidiTy Posted March 18, 2008 Author Share Posted March 18, 2008 just checking in to see if i'm still ... um ... winning Link to post Share on other sites
julkat Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Hi Lucid, Sorry to usurp your prize - perhaps we could share it. I went without sex since 1993! We do what we have to do at the time we do it. I'm separated now for 7 months, have started divorce proceedings, and I will survive to live again. You are amazing to have struggled through what you did. I wish you all the very best and hope you have a great rest of your life! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LuCidiTy Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 sure we can share. halvethe burden except we did have sex a few times over those years...maybe 4 times? just sex though...no real well love or anything. and definately no kissing. sigh. i so missed that. you're so right about doing what you need to do. ever look back and wonder what possessed you to live that way? or gave you the strength to? no sense regretting it, but it's an interesting thing to analyze. i guess nuns and monks do it all the time... I have a feelng you're pretty amazing too. Good luck with the divorce...I have a feeling you'll not only survive but thrive. It's very freeing. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
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