Children's feeling's during Seperation and Divorce.

[Meaplus3]

I am recently Seperated after 15 year's of marriage. I have 3 beautiful children from ages 3 to 8. I am worried that they are going to conclude that the seperation is some how their fault. What I would like to know is what's the best way to instill in them that's it not their fault at all and has nothing to do with them? I expect they will have question's and I would like to be able to give them the best answer's. Thank's.

 

 

AP:)

[Blue Eyed Brain]

I tell my son (12) that it is a decision that Mom and Dad made about their relationship and that loving him is truly the one thing that we agree on and maintain to be the best thing we have ever accomplished. I let my son know what's going on (not in detail) to assure him that he has nothing to fear. He knows and understands and I can only hope he will not blame himself for his parents lack of interest in each other.

 

I come from a divorced family and I never blamed myself. I knew my parents to too different of individuals to last long term.

 

Kids are much more perceptive than we give them credit for. Even the young ones know that a happy life apart is better than a miserable one together.

[littlekitty]

There is a wealth of great information out there on the web on this subject and also some fantastic childrens books which allow you to read them with your children and reinforce that the seperation isn't their fault.

 

Most of all children need a lot of love. They'll need a HUGE amount of reassurance that both parents love them. That they aren't going to 'loose' either parents. That Mummy and Daddy still both love them, but that they can't be together anymore.

 

Make sure you tell them it isn't their fault. That they don't need to side with either parent or try to keep the peace.

 

Just keep an eye out for changes in them and try to communication open so that they can talk about their feelings.

[Meaplus3]

I tell my son (12) that it is a decision that Mom and Dad made about their relationship and that loving him is truly the one thing that we agree on and maintain to be the best thing we have ever accomplished. I let my son know what's going on (not in detail) to assure him that he has nothing to fear. He knows and understands and I can only hope he will not blame himself for his parents lack of interest in each other.

 

I come from a divorced family and I never blamed myself. I knew my parents to too different of individuals to last long term.

 

Kids are much more perceptive than we give them credit for. Even the young ones know that a happy life apart is better than a miserable one together.

 

Kids are much more perceptive than we give them credit for. Even the young ones know that a happy life apart is better than a miserable one together.

 

This is exactly what I want to convey to them..I know for my 8 year old he has seen a difference in my upbeat attitude he has remarked on it.I did not have that while SBTXH was still living in the same house...so for him I know he's understanding.. My 5 year old seem's to have a touch of anger toward's me like she's blaming me, this hurt's. I guess it will just take time for her to understand.

 

AP:)

[JamesM]

If it was me...since I am a guy who researches everything (probably to the extreme ), I would read a book or two myself, give them a book to read, and discuss their feelings as they come up. I would also think that a talk from BOTH of you would be better than simply a talk from you. Remember, their world has been dumped upside down, and they have no clue why really.

 

I am guessing that what they say and what they think may not always be the same.

 

Also, letting their teachers know would be good.

 

Here is a link to Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/002-8465727-4530466?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=children+divorce&x=0&y=0

 

Here are some links online.

http://www.crisiscounseling.com/TraumaLoss/DivorceChildren.htm

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Sophy2.html

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/tips-for-helping-children-handle-divorce/

 

And there are many more.

 

Here is one devoted to all aspects of children and divorce.

http://www.womansdivorce.com/children-and-divorce.html

[Meaplus3]

If it was me...since I am a guy who researches everything (probably to the extreme ), I would read a book or two myself, give them a book to read, and discuss their feelings as they come up. I would also think that a talk from BOTH of you would be better than simply a talk from you. Remember, their world has been dumped upside down, and they have no clue why really.

 

I am guessing that what they say and what they think may not always be the same.

 

Also, letting their teachers know would be good.

 

Here is a link to Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw/002-8465727-4530466?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=children+divorce&x=0&y=0

 

Here are some links online.

http://www.crisiscounseling.com/TraumaLoss/DivorceChildren.htm

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Sophy2.html

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/tips-for-helping-children-handle-divorce/

 

And there are many more.

 

Here is one devoted to all aspects of children and divorce.

http://www.womansdivorce.com/children-and-divorce.html

 

James, I like the idea of purchasing some book's on the subject..I really think that could be a wonderful way to explain thing's better. Littlekitty mentioned this too in her post. I am going to do just that and get some book's. Thank's for the link's.

 

AP:)