NotOverTheHill Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 In the past he has played on my sympathies and my "need" to make things all better. This time, the sympathies were not there - I was firm. He started talking about hurting himself. Part of me says it was for attention, part of me may think he is serious. Today he has taken himself to the emergency room. Part of me still thinks it is a bid for attention. I feel like sh*t, but I need to go through with the divorce. Has anyone else been in this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Granted! This more than likely is just a "play" out his playbook to bring you back into the fold? Thing is? This is a desperate act, the act of someone who is desperate! With that said? Why did he check himself into the ER? Suicidial? If they're suicidal ~ then they're homosicidal! That being the case? You need to and should take any and all necessary precautions! Time to change the locks, if not your address. Phone number, cell phone, take out an RO, etc. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure! As far as the divorce goes? The person that's responsible for making you happy is none other than yourself! Your the one that's responsible for that department! You and you alone ~ an no one else! "Dear Abby" ~ "Ann Landers" and everyone else says get marriage counseling. Me? I don't put a whole lot of stock in the stuff. IC before, during and after is the way to go IMHO. People need to find out who and what they are and what they're about before they get involved with someone else's life?! And you're pretty much who you are and are ever going to be, by the age of six? Most definately by the time you've reached your twenties. Granted? There will be subtle changes here and there through the years? But, you're pretty much all your ever going to be by the time you've reach adulthood. If your an @sshole ~ you're always going to be one ~ more or less?! Just that plain and simple! Money? Drugs? Alcohol? Just make you more of what you already are! The best predictor of furture behavior? Is past behavior! And, all the counseling in the world isn't going to change an @sshole from being an @sshole! You can pretty it up? You can "dress" it up? But an @sshole is still an @sshole! Albiet! A pretty @sshole! But an @sshole ~ none the less! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotOverTheHill Posted October 8, 2007 Author Share Posted October 8, 2007 I can't change the locks, legally he still lives there. can't get a RO - has not threatened me "enough" to get one (according to police) I got a security system installed last week while he was out of town, so I can change the code - but that is as far as I can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Then be carefull! Wish I could do more to help! Do be aware! Do be carefull! Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 Why dont you just tell him straight, that his cheating and neglect has been too painful and you would like him to either leave or y'all both sell the house and split things down the middle. Why is he putting such a fight to stay? What is the background story on you two? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotOverTheHill Posted October 8, 2007 Author Share Posted October 8, 2007 He just called me. I pretty sure he is lying now, he is on his way home. What emergency room would keep someone only 3 hours who claims to be suicidal? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NotOverTheHill Posted October 8, 2007 Author Share Posted October 8, 2007 No cheating. Why is he putting up a fight to stay? I am bread winner. He has no job, which means he now has to go be an adult and earn a living. He is manipultive and has always played on my sympathy and my (as my thereapists puts it) need to please people. We have not had sex in 9.5 years. I want out, I want to be happy and I may (jury still out) want to have kids! Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 My H did the same thing when we seperated. I left for about a month and he kept talking about hurting himself and would call me just before work or sometimes in the middle of the night telling me that he was going to shoot himself. Then one night he actually went into the ER, I still hesitated to move back in. Since this happened in Feb/March he has been IC three times and we have been to MC twice. I just recently mentioned I want to go back to MC and he said he does not see the need for it. He did say he wanted to go back to IC and that there are things in his mind he need to work on, but would not tell me what they were and I did not push the subject. He said only some had to do with me. I say, you should take it seriously, but make sure he knows you want him to take actions to get help. If you want to leave then let it be know that you will help him as a friend. I sometimes still want to leave even though I love my H, I will always wonder... Link to post Share on other sites
Melovator Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 No cheating. Why is he putting up a fight to stay? I am bread winner. He has no job, which means he now has to go be an adult and earn a living. He is manipultive and has always played on my sympathy and my (as my thereapists puts it) need to please people. We have not had sex in 9.5 years. I want out, I want to be happy and I may (jury still out) want to have kids! He's threatening suicide because he's manipulative- even if he was to decide to top himself it would have nothing to do with you, it would have to do with him and his emotions, you are not in control of how he sees the world. You are not responsible for him. He is an adult, who is behaving like a child. If he actually stayed around at the hospital to see a Dr or Psych Nurse they would have done an assessment of mental state... but 3 hours? Doesn't seem like enough time to me... unless the mergency dept. was REALLY slow. Can you leave the house- didn't you say before it was rented in his name? Seriously, I'd pack my **** and go if I was you. If you can't keep him out of the house then you have to get out. It will protect both physically and emotionally from him, if you're both in the house he's just going to keep up the manipulation. Link to post Share on other sites
hellspawn Posted October 8, 2007 Share Posted October 8, 2007 NOTH, In reading your situation all I can offer is that by this guy has admitting to the possibility of harming himself then he is also admitting he has little to no self respect, and that is a dangerous combination. If he has no regard for himself why would he for you? This sounds like an unstable situation in which you hold the cards, and know what needs to be done...DO IT and be safe. Let others around you know your intentions and whereabouts in case this time bomb detonates early. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 I know how you feel, my stbx is/was doing the same thing. I felt so bad for him (my situation is a little different, if regards to I was the jerk, he wasn't) eveyone tells you to get a RO, change the locks ect. but it is hard when you love someone and don't want them to hurt themselves, I would suggest IC to him, going to a doctor and getting some anti-depressent but nothing would work. It has stopped some what over the last 1-2 weeks, (went on for 2 months) I don't know if he drinks, but I found that this is what I would blame it on with my H, he didn't drink that much, so I don't know if this was the reason, but it seemed like a good thing to blame, as to I wasn't nagging "his" actions but the actions of the drinking..(hope that made sense) anyways, what I did was pull all the articles on-line that had anything to do with depression and drinking and such and talk with him about that, I tried to keep the conversation off of us and off of how he should be feeling because of us Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Have you reported his suicide threats to the police or Mental Health government agencies? Anyone that would hold another person as emotional hostage over suicide, needs help. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Just this plain and simple! Find your Happy azz SOMEWHERE to Go! This suicide BS is exactly that! BS! I don;t know what you call this? Marriage/ a relationship! But what I'd call it would be .......................... QUITS! SEPERATION! DIVORCE! OVER! :mad::mad: Link to post Share on other sites
marsbars Posted October 15, 2007 Share Posted October 15, 2007 It is more than likely emotional blackmail. I know cause I said the same thing when my wife left me 3 months ago. At first it was just a knee jerk reaction to the feeling of losing her. But as time went on it became a real thought. Several times I was so emotionally disturbed that I almost did off myself. I would dream about it. But with friends and family I recovered. Got some antidepressants and things are good. We are going to MC and IC. But from the sounds of your posts it is just emotional blackmail. He has some reason to hold on so dearly. He thinks that by sparking your emotion you will change your mind. That is one of our MC first rules, No emotional blackmail! It is hard not to do, especially when tensions and emotions are high. I also agree that someone that is capable of hurting themselves is a threat to others. I agree that being alert and taking any precaution that you can is wise advice. I am not a believer in divorce unless it is for very specific reasons. But I won't go into that. Just stick with your resolve and do what you need to make yourself happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts