I think I've hit rock bottom....

[Lost_in_TN]

Hey all, it's been a while since I posted anything on here. I had just been occupied with getting my life back on track after my ex cheated on me and dumped me. I knew she was making a huge mistake, but there was nothing I could do. Everytime I saw her I knew she was miserable, but again, there was nothing I could do. I also knew there would be a day when she'd be in my face again, because that is her style.

 

Well last week it happened, and instead of me turning her away like I said I would, I tried to comfort her. She recently lost her sister, and I can only imagine how horrible that must feel. Plus her new man is not the dreamboat she thought he was, far from it. I already knew he wasn't, because most of her friends have told me he was a deadbeat, involved with drugs, and just a shady character all the way around,

 

She confides in me that she is miserable, to the point she has seriously wanted to kill herself. ( she has attempted before) I told her that as long as she was alive she had a chance to turn things around. She told me how huge of a mistake it was for her to do me like she did, and that I was the only man in her life who ever truly cared about her and treated her like a lady. I told her there was nothing we could do about that now, and that she didn't need to worry about that. I told her she needed to focus on getting her life straight once and for all, before it was too late.

 

She tells all her friends she is leaving this guy, and one of her friends offers her a spare room at her house. She needs help because her finances are in ruins and she is on the verge of losing what little she owns. But her friends were going to band together and help her. She asked me for many favors, but I declined because I just couldn't be tied to her breaking free from this other guy. I didn't want her to get the wrong idea, and I didn't want him to get the wrong idea and try to retaliate. She said she understood, and I told her I'd give her all the moral support I could. I hate to see someone down on there luck, especially someone I still care for.

 

So everyone is worried about her, they are worried of what this guy is going to do when she tried to leave. She tells the guy she is leaving, stays gone a day and a half and goes back to him. She doesn't even have the decency to call any of her friends, or even me, to tell us what she has decided to do. Her cell phone had been cut off, and nobody really knew where she was, or if she was even alive. With all the crazy talk about suicide, and how this guy was dangerous, anything was a possibility.

 

A friend and I located this guys house, and verified that she was there and was ok.

 

But all of this has drug me down. I can't hardly sleep, and I am furious at her for getting everyone all worked up and concerned, only to dive right back into a bad situation. She has no regard for anyone else's feelings, and really knows how to play on people's emotions, especially mine. I am also furious with myself for even speaking to her, much less getting caught up in the situation like I did.

 

I was doing ok, minding my own business, and getting my life back in order. Now I have taken leaps backwards, can't sleep, nerves are just shot, and I am very depressed about this whole deal.

 

To make matters worse, I decided I would go speak to her today and tell her just how furious I was about the whole thing. She wouldn't open the door, and then got on the phone with someone and was telling them I was there. So I cut out before anything really crazy happened. All I asked for was 5 minutes of her time, now who knows what trouble that is going to bring me?

 

Though karma has already proven it will take care of her, I am still very pissed at how she sucked me, and others back in, only to do what she did.

 

She even asked me if she could come back home, and I told her no. I know all she was trying to do was use me to get away from this guy, help her get back on her feet, then she'd have been gone again. Her friends are saying that they don't know if that was her plan, but that they definitely knew her motive was to wind back up with me, and when she saw that was going to happen she decided to go back to the other guy.

 

I honestly do not know how people can be so careless and inconsiderate. Though I didn't roll out the red carpet and say "Yeah, come on back", I offered up my friendship and advice to help her. I didn't owe her any of that, but I am soft hearted and hate to see anyone down on there luck. Now I am the one who feels devistated....................

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Lost in TN,

 

Sorry to hear this. She caught you in her tentacles and dragged you down just when you were near the surface of the pit.

 

This has happened too often now, though, don't you think? Each time you've almost freed yourself from her, she reels you back in. You have to make a conscious decision to not respond to her...no matter what happens.

 

Suicide threats are last-ditch efforts to get attention. Not all of them, but most. Next time around, no matter what she threatens to do to herself, don't pay any heed. If she does attempt something, too bad for her. You'll need to be heartless in this case.

 

 

This woman is the parasitic variety. She lives off of the attention of others. She'll make you and everyone else work hard to ensure that she's safe and happy - but in return, all you'll get is more of her screwed-up attitude.

 

Perhaps she does need help. But let her figure that out, she's an adult.

 

Keep away from her forever, that's the only way you can hope to recover from this mess.

[Lost_in_TN]

I agree 100%, but right now my main concern is coping with the damage that has been done. I am really concerned about what is going to result from me attempting to contact her today. I can only hope she doesn't try to make a big deal out of it, and cause me any trouble. The sad thing is, I think she really gets off on hurting me.

 

She wanted me to let her see my son this past Saturday. I am SO thankful I didn't allow her to.

 

I am just at my ropes end right now. I can't believe I was weak enough to actually show her compassion, and lend her a shoulder to cry on.

 

I guess she knew all along I would...........

 

For now I guess I'll start climbing back out of the hole I am in

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Well, hopefully she won't drag it too far and you'll be spared of more of this mess.

 

You already know what the solution is. All you need to do is stick to your resolve.

 

 

I believe that shouldn't be too difficult, considering what just happened

[Lost_in_TN]

I believe that shouldn't be too difficult, considering what just happened

 

 

Yeah, I think I have been played enough,....more than enough actually.

[Gunny376]

Listen up there you!

 

Listen up loud and freaking clear!

 

Do you hear me! Are you freaking listening to me?

 

DON'T YOU BUY OFF ON THIS CHEAP B.S.!

 

You deserve better than this!

 

You're entitled to better than this!

 

Do you freaking hear me!

 

 

HER problems are NOT your problems!

 

SHE made her bed hard to sleep in ~ not YOU!

 

Where in the Hell did you get it in your brain housing group that this was the best you deserved? Where in the Hell did you get the idea that this was the best you could have? Answer me that!

 

She's dumped you for a "deadbeat dad" a crack-head? A piece of crap that can't hold down a job? WTF? What the f**k are you? Chopped liver? Rule One! Trade up!

 

You drove a Chevy ~get your azz a Lexus!

 

Retired Marine?

 

College ed?

 

Read bookoo books about marriage, relationships, romance, seducation, men and women, dating, etc?

 

These days I look at the ladies and I think? What have you got to offer me?

[Lost_in_TN]

Gunny, you sure have a way with words. LOL

 

Trading up is a great way of looking at it for sure, and that is just what I intend to do. I made a bonehead mistake. Once again it has proven to me that there are some people that are just "bad", and no matter what they say, you can't trust them.

 

Right now I am just trying to get my head back where it was prior to this last incident. But in all honesty anywhere will be better than where it has been these past few days,....which is up my azz!!!!

 

I guess in the grand scheme of things it happened for a reason, and though it was a setback, and I am still feeling the sting of it, at least I didn't give in to her and let her come back home. For that I can be thankful.........

[Gunny376]

Gunny, you sure have a way with words. LOL

 

Trading up is a great way of looking at it for sure, and that is just what I intend to do. I made a bonehead mistake. Once again it has proven to me that there are some people that are just "bad", and no matter what they say, you can't trust them.

 

Right now I am just trying to get my head back where it was prior to this last incident. But in all honesty anywhere will be better than where it has been these past few days,....which is up my azz!!!!

 

I guess in the grand scheme of things it happened for a reason, and though it was a setback, and I am still feeling the sting of it, at least I didn't give in to her and let her come back home. For that I can be thankful.........

 

I'm telling you my Man! The days going to come when you're going to look back and thoughts such as,..........

 

"What was I thinking?"

 

"What did I ever see in her?"

 

"MAN! That was a close one!"

 

will run through your head!

 

You know some of God's Greatest Gifts are un-answered prayers!

 

And you did a great job of manning up in not taking her back! In recognizing that she's got problems and issues that she's going to have to solve before she can be in a mutually healthy, happy, loving, nuturing, relationship with you or anyone else.

 

And, yea after a trainwreck like this happens you, a person tends to be astonshied to find not only his head up their azz, but that they're head and azz isn't wired together anymore. Its takes time to extract same, and get it all wired back together right and proper.

 

:( For awhile there I felt like CPO (Starwars) toting my left arm around in my right hand, with my head slung all the way back over my shoulders. But, I'm straight now! :lmao:

[Lost_in_TN]

Gunny I can say without hessitance that I am far from being "wired together right". This whole drawn out ordeal has blown me to pieces, but I will come back a stronger and better person I know. Just being able to turn her away last week let me know how far I had come. I got lured in though, and for that I am ashamed. It has brought me down, cost me a lot of sleep, and made my nerves a wreck. Not easy to swallow when it is ALL my fault.

 

Again, I now realize just how far I had came out of it. Because I sure felt a whole lot better before this last go-around. Now I am a bit blue by anyone's standards.

[butterfly37]

The mountain climbed is most difficult at it's summit. You will reach the other side.

[Gunny376]

Don't be so hard on yourself about it.

 

You like all of this have this thing called the id, the ego, and the superego. The id is our inner child and it wants what it wants ~ when it wants it. The id gets all of us into a lot of trouble, often more than we can handle!

[Lost_in_TN]

Thanks for the advice guys. I'll come out of this fog in due time. Right now I am again looking at it and saying to myself "What lessons did I learn here"?

 

Top of the list is "DON'T EVER DROP YOUR GUARD AROUND THIS WOMAN AGAIN, SHE WILL KNOCK YOU OUT"!!!!!!

[Lost_in_TN]

The mountain climbed is most difficult at it's summit. You will reach the other side.

 

 

I like that.......... and it usually holds true. I am ready to reach the other side, believe me.... I AM READY!!!!!!!

[Gunny376]

Right now I am again looking at it and saying to myself "What lessons did I learn here"?

 

Top of the list is "DON'T EVER DROP YOUR GUARD AROUND THIS WOMAN AGAIN, SHE WILL KNOCK YOU OUT"!!!!!!

 

In this your on the verge of realizing one of the greatest lessons in life ~

 

"That no one person, let alone any one woman has any greater power or control over you other than you give them!"

[Lost_in_TN]

I know gunny, but I've got to be honest. I've realized it before, only to somewhere down the road make the mistake again. Which is exactly what happened this time. I guess I am a hard headed SOB, or just plain ol' dumb. LOL

 

I know the deal though, I am a sucker for a pretty face, and I absolutely cannot stand to see a woman cry. She knew all the right buttons to push.

 

But had I stuck to my guns, and never gave her a moment of my time, it wouldn't have happened. That's the bottom line..........

[PWSX3]

I know the deal though, I am a sucker for a pretty face, and I absolutely cannot stand to see a woman cry. She knew all the right buttons to push.

Aren't most of us guys a sucker for a pretty lady so don't feel like you are any different & I have to agree most all woman know what buttons to push to get us guys to do what they want.

 

The difference is like Gunny has said; we have to believe in ourselves & understand that we are in control of ourselves.

 

I understand how you feel, you have to remember us guys are "fixers", when something is broke we want to fix it but with your X there is nothing you can do, there is nothing "you" can fix, that is something she is going to have to learn on her own.

I know what you will say; but she won't be able to make it on her own, she needs help but it is up to HERto find the help, she has to hit rock bottom & she hasn't done it yet.

 

I also feel there are some people, men & woman that will always need the help from others, they won't get the help they need, they just rely on others...

I worked with a guy who put his wife thru school & then she divorced him because she wanted to party instead of be a wife, mother, etc. It's been over 7 years ago & his X has been in jail, can't hold down a job, has had more boyfriends then you can count on two hands, etc. etc. & he still feels sorry for her, but he understands there is nothing he can do or should do, this is the life she has chosen to live.

 

Sorry you fell off the horse, but it sounds like you are back in the saddle & you learned what happens when you let your guard down......

 

Like Gunny said; down the road you will look back & wonder why you worried so much.....

[Woggle]

Men are suckers for a woman's tears so you meed to train yourself not to fall for it so easily. She is playing you like a guitar and as long as you let her she will continue to do so.

[riobikini]

re:

 

LIT: " I offered up my friendship and advice to help her. I didn't owe her any of that, but I am soft hearted and hate to see anyone down on there luck.

 

Yeah -and she *knows* that and she's actually counting on your soft (dependable) heart.

 

Just look at the facts -she's first using you to make him want her- then she's using him to make you want her- and she's using everyone around her, too boot (friends, acquaintances, etc.) to help construct this appearance that she (somehow) needs "protecting".

 

What a laugh!

 

She's like a bobcat at home in her own environment!

 

She's good!

 

But God help her- we shouldn't be so harsh on the girl (Smile)- she's only using the skills she knows that work the very best -manipulating the human emotion- to accomplish the ends to whatever malfunctioning thought that happens to cross her brain.

 

Steer clear, my friend, these types of people abound and flourish the whole world over (always depending on the soft-heartedness of others) and all but ban together in a national tax-free society club complete with annual dues, a softball team, and a chili cook-off!

 

(Smile)

 

Run (like hell) in the other direction!

 

-Rio

[sumdude]

re:

 

 

 

Yeah -and she *knows* that and she's actually counting on your soft (dependable) heart.

 

Just look at the facts -she's first using you to make him want her- then she's using him to make you want her- and she's using everyone around her, too boot (friends, acquaintances, etc.) to help construct this appearance that she (somehow) needs "protecting".

 

What a laugh!

 

She's like a bobcat at home in her own environment!

 

She's good!

 

 

-Rio

 

 

Oh yeah, the old "Damsel in Distress" act is a tried and true classic. Man if she ever does herself major harm to herself you can sleep and know you did the best you could. Don't ever blame yourself because you have gone above and beyond many times. If she calls on you again about suicide give her the number to social services or drive her there and drop her off. Nothing else you can do.

[Lost_in_TN]

Yeah, she's good alright. No arguments here, but this last ordeal drove it home for me more than ever. She was totally going to use me up if I'd have let her. I'm so glad that I didn't allow that to happen.

[riobikini]

I'm glad you stopped it, too, LIT.

 

You could have wound up like a couple I saw over the week-end.

 

We has just fueled the car and were waiting our turn to leave the parking lot yesterday, when an old beater with the side busted in and bald tires sped off the highway and swung sideways onto the station pavement.

 

Within a millisecond a young lady peeled out of the passenger side -yelling and crying at the same time- and went stomping off down the side road from the station.

 

She was dressed in jeans too tight for her that caused her lovehandles to squish way up and an old t-shirt that revealed most of her midriff -exposing a big demon butterfly tattoo in the back.

 

Immediately, the young male driver -shirtless- slammed the car into parking gear, and leaving the motor running, stumbled to his knees just a few feet away, rocking back and forth on the pavement and began yelling her name, crying and with snot bursting from his nose, and holding his hands in a praying/pleading position -obviously distraught that the girl- again, obviously, someone he "loved" was -apparently- walking out of his life.

 

She didn't seem to care -didn't seem to be persuaded, never turned around- and kept walking while he snotted and cried some more and -finally, in desperation- leaned forward and banged his head several times on the pavement.

 

What a display!

 

At this point, (I think when the pavement didn't cave in) he raised up (the pain of banging his head, perhaps being the greatest incentive) and yelled something to her through all the snot and slobber and tears that made her stop dead in her tracks.

 

She turned around and tossed her hair, leveling her gaze on his pitiful carcass, and taking the time to roll her eyes dramatically towards the sky, shook her head, stared at the ground, mumbled something that sounded weak and helpless and began to cry uncontrollably.

 

The young guy said something else -a more sincere plea, it seemed- because he held out both his arms towards her and echoed in an identical voice a weak and helpless reply with his face all twisted and crumpled in anguish and with his head slightly trickling blood down his face.

 

They just stared at each other for a few monents, both with tears streaming down their faces.

 

Ah -the drama!

 

Roadside drama can give you a picture -a slice of life- that sticks with you and with every frame of it -every nuance of emotion- makes you realize a handful of very important things that, probably, belong in your prayers at night.

 

All this happened in just the time it took to finally ease onto the highway leaving the gas station and seen through my rear view mirror, but the impact of it made me keenly aware of how lucky I am -and instantly cultivated new appreciation of how I choose to live my life -and how perfectly undramatic my life has become.

 

I am thankful.

 

The car in front of me pulled onto the road and the young man in my rearview slowly stood up as the girl finally made her decision to walk back to him.

 

He tried to walk a few steps -barefoot- to save her the distance but was impeded by his jeans which were about five sizes too big for him and fell -as he walked- to below his buttocks and stopped his advance.

 

The girl walked towards him -then past him, purposely- and leaned into the car and took out a cigarette (first things first) -and he reached to light it for her.

 

She let him.

 

It was their kind of drama -and their kind of making up.

 

They were holding each other and kissing, leaned up against the dented side of his old beater as I turned onto the highway.

 

Such is life for some.

 

But as you are beginning to learn, LIT, this is not the stuff of fairytales and castles far away.

 

Maybe, there are no real castles, or real fairytales, or romantic epics comparable to legend that await you in your future -but I believe there is someone for everyone.

 

Just try to make sure they wear pants that fit, can afford their own lighter, and have better taste in tattoos.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[Ladyjane14]

What a great post, Rio. :bunny:

 

The highs, the lows... I laughed and I cried.

Not really. I'm just appreciating the DRAMA of it all.

 

Sorry to say it... but no cup 'o joe has a thing on a Drama Queen in Fine Fettle for waking a man up to his latent ability to cry like a little girl.

[Lost_in_TN]

Drama Queens SUCK!!!!!!