Weird situation

[Guest]

I need some advice....badly. For the past week ive been under a TREMENDOUS amount of stress. (Started a new job, decided to take my ex husband back to court to enforce child support issues, daycare issues, etc) This past week has been literally almost more than i can bear. I am married and my husband has been trying to be supportive by telling me things like dont worry, everything will work out, ive got your back, etc etc. Well my issue is last nite we were asleep and he turned over and was touching me which started to lead to something else..u get the picture. Now he was half asleep still and for him to talk in his sleep is very normal for him..he does it often. But he called me an ex gf's name. I was wide awake. I didnt say anything at that point in time. This morning we get up for work and i told him what he did. To say he flipped is an understatement. He got so mad at me and said i was lying that he didnt say that etc etc. As i was leaving for work i told him bye 4 times, he ignored me..i walked out and i slammed the door VERY hard hoping that he would hear that and it would trigger a response, nothing. I get down the rd away and i call him, he wont answer. Finally after about 4 tries, he answers and is like WHAT!!?? I try to talk to him he gets mad and hangs up on me. I call back (i probably should have let him cool off, but i didnt feel i did anything wrong for him to be yelling at me) finally he answers again and is so rude and hateful. He starts crying and yelling and i hear him kicking things around in the house then he starts saying i married a woman NOT a kid, he cant handle this, he cant do this anymore...just all this stuff. Im trying to get a word in edgewise but i cant. He ends it by saying that he was moving out tonite that he was thru. He said he didnt need to hear me bitching first thing in the morning. I was hurt by him calling me her name, didnt i have a right to say something? Anyway, during that last call he started saying u keep accusing me of this and that etc etc. Which i admit, lately i have...maybe not so much accusing him, but asking him about certain things, not once have i came right out and accused him of cheating on me. Ive been feeling REALLY insecure lately due to this whole child support issue and just the damn stress in general. My ex husband is a complete snake and will stop at NOTHING to hurt me because of this. When i get under stress, i seem to become needy for whatever reason. Maybe i need the reassurance that everything will be ok. Regardless, i did NOT expect my husband to say these things to me. I ended up coming back home and saw my kitchen chair across the floor, the trash can kicked over his computer monitor on the floor...he really went off. Why would he go this ballistic because i told him he called me another name last nite? My gf seems to think there are underlying issues at play..and i realize he is under stress as well due to having to pick up the slack of my ex husband not paying all of his child support.

 

Anyway, ive called him twice since then and text him twice and he wont return my calls nor text me back. I apologized for starting drama with him this morning although i still feel i had a right to say something to him. Let it be known too, that i did not yell or scream at him when i told him what he did this morning. Im terrified he is going to come home from work (if he is even at work, i have no idea) and pack all his things and walk out. We just got married a month and a half ago and all ive heard up until now was how much he loves me, how he would never let me go, how he would do anything to make me happy and to keep me with him..etc etc. Please someone shed some lite on this for me because im a nervous wreck and with everything else going on, i dont know that i can handle anything else.

 

Sorry so long and if anyone needs more info or clarification, let me know.

[quankanne]

sounds like a trust issue: That you maybe said that thing about his ex because you don't trust him. With as much stress as you're facing, it's easy to understand how some innocuous thing like him saying her name in his sleep could set him off.

 

just let him cool off, and when things are calm, very unemotionally tell him that you're not angry (if you werent, that is) but just thought it was a curious experience. Period. He'll prolly be pissed off because he thinks you don't trust him, but he'll eventually have to come to terms with it. Better yet, just drop the whole thing ... he's not going to be happy about it no matter what you say, people get funny over things like that even if it doesn't necessarily bug you.

[Gunny376]

I realize that this may be hard for some of your regulars to believe ~ but I use have a bit of a temper.

 

I try hard to live a honest, honorable, ethical life by my own personal code. To this day, if you want to get me fighting mad? Question my honesty and integrity, I believe that's what occured here ~ along with all the stess. I mean come on? You've been married for a month and a half?

 

You're living life way too fast!

[Confused0872]

I hope he just needs time to cool off...(btw im the "guest", it wouldnt let me reply without registering). He isnt home from work, never called all day, nothing. He is off work tomorrow and im scared he wont come home tonite and will come home while im at work tomorrow, pack his things and leave. Dont get me wrong...its not like ive been questioning everything he does. Its not like that at all. Maybe 3 or 4 times total in the last five months ive asked him questions regarding going to a few places and with good reason. I know better than to hound a man about things like that, and i promise u i dont hound him. Of course im going to ask him why he called me her name, especially when he was trying to have sex with me. Most women would have probably pushed him totally away...i didnt do that. I brought it up very nonchalantly this morning then he snapped. I just feel this is totally insane to even be going thru this. *sigh* I am so upset. I cant even believe this is happening over something this trivial. This is our first big argument since weve been married and our first one in the past 6 months or more. Just doesnt make a lot of sense to me i guess.

[Confused0872]

Well he came home last nite. I tried to talk to him and all he said was to leave him alone he didnt wanna talk about it. I did ask if he wanted a divorce or if he was leaving and he said no. He didnt say 2 words to me hardly and he got home around 730pm. I left him alone and i told him that i did wanna talk about this because i dont want it to just be swept under the carpet...he said he didnt know if he wanted to talk about it.

 

I cant believe that all of this got turned around and blamed on me. He called me another freakin girls name during sex..i have GOOD reason to be pissed off because i feel ANYONE would be upset about this..male or female. I feel as tho ive done something terribly wrong just because i asked him why he called me that. Yesterday i was hurt and sad, today im fuming over this.

[Teeky3]

Your husband is extremely immature. Thisis not a mean thing to say...just honest and trust me when I tell you, if it is not resolved now, it will not improve. He somehow feels he has the right to control the situations by not talking and by not adddressing things. He is so predicatable by now...even I can see that and I am not married to him. You already can predict what kind of mood he will be in....I'd turn the tables so quickly, I'd make his head turn backwards.

 

I'd get dressed, and casually walk to whatever room he's in and say.."see you later I'm going to go out for a while" and I would DARE him to ask me where I was going. Afterall, he hates to be asked that right? Give him what he gives you. When he pisses you off...(he does know how to do that..you taught him how) as hard as it is, keep on moving...make plans with your family or friends, or just get in your drive and drive around to get away. He knows how to affect you...change it. Again he is very immature and really needs to learn how to treat his wife (like the queen that you are). You deserve respect, his love and his trust.

 

And stop letting him see you sweat...I think this in a way thrills him. Watch him sweat instead. It's amazing how quickly you can turn this around if you stand up for yourself, and give him exactly what he gives you. A taste of their own medicine is what is called for in this situation.

 

Good luck! p.s. I wish I could be you for 1 day. i'd have this man kissing your feet every second of the day!