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I am not spiritual enough


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notspiritual

I (29) met my wife (25) 4 years ago and we have been married for 2 years. 2 weeks ago, she said she wanted to leave me: “I don’t love you anymore”, “You don’t deserve me”, “You are not spiritual enough.

 

I have been studying and working hard to get a job on Wall-Street and now earn more than 150k a year and live in a nice apartment in Manhattan. I worked a lot and have neglected her. She does not work; she has never worked for more than 2 months in a row, so she does not understand that I am completely dead after a day of work and need to play video games to relax and disconnect. She says “you are not spiritual; you only read books about how to make more money and become rich”. I read so many books on personal finance while she was reading spiritual books. I have also developed an addiction for video games for the last 3 months.

 

She has been attending a weekly meditation class for the past 4 months, and since then she thinks that her life is empty with me. She says I don’t need us to be rich. So she wants to live on her own and meet someone more spiritual. I suspect this meditation group to be a sect because I am not allowed to attend. So I pretended to be really interested, I might be able to infiltrate it in 2 weeks. I am also learning that there is another meditation session at the apartment of one of the male member. I won’t be able to attend this one because it is for “advanced” practitioners. If they want my check at the end of the month, they better let me in. I believe they brainwashed my wife away from me.

 

The posts here helped me to improve on myself and I was moving on. Seeing that I was having so much fun with my buddies, going to nice restaurants with belly dancing show, smoking hookahs, getting rid of my video games addiction (I really miss it though), reading some spiritual books and completely ignoring her but being still very nice and civil, she started to revert her behaviors. One night, she came with new bought lingerie (she was gorgeous) to seduce me again and say she wants to stay with me. I was happy she changed her mind.

 

However, I feel I have changed this past few days. I love my wife but I cannot forget how nasty and ugly she was towards me when she announced mercilessly she wanted to leave, it was during a nice holiday I booked for both of us in Quebec, needless to say, the trip was a completely nightmare for me, begging, pleading, trying to reason her etc. I love my wife but when something goes wrong it is always my fault, she accepts responsibility for nothing. She tries to control what friend I can see and which one I cannot. I have lost so many friends listening to my wife. I am so angry at her for being so stupid to listen to this sect.

 

So though we were back together, I could not help but remaining indifferent so she decided to leave me again. I won her back again with reasoning.

 

I am afraid she might change her mind again and told her I am not a thing you throw a way and take back at your own convenience. Now she wants me to give up my career and move with her to London. She also wants to borrow 30k from me to pursue graduate studies. I am afraid after I pay it she leaves me and I will be left with 100k of debts, my student loans and hers combined.

 

For the moment I am refused access to the sect, I need to fake my interest a little bit better. I need to get in because she said all the male members like her and they are so spiritual and intelligent. I will get in and destroy everything, I hate these religious *******s

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Chrome Barracuda

Yo she wants you to give up your career where you make over 150k???!!? is she smoking crack?? God doesnt pay the bills! Hard work and tenacity pays the bills. If I was in your shoes I'd run. All things considered she does not understand how the real world works. Look at all these preachers and reverend's and church guru's they spout off all these things like spirituality, believing in christ, and being true to spirit. but yet they the most richest hypocritical bastards ever to put on a sacrimonial robe.

 

They be the first ones asking to donate to the church, give us your tide's (10% of your weekly check!!?!? are you serious?) every week I gotta pay you with my hard earned money for a BS sermon, when your just a liar anyway?

 

Your wife is real foolish and doesnt see the bigger picture. Money may possibly be the root of all evil. But it damn sure makes the world goes round. lol.

 

Also you know that london is one of the most expensive countries per capital in the world. How is she gonna live there? what does she do for a living? what is her educational background. I'd bet you'd be footing the bills right?

 

The choice is yours but you need to think long and hard about the path you choose. You will come to an answer.

 

Holla back.

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sounds like she's using her "interest" in spirituality to see how fast she can make her little monkey dance!

 

while I understand completely how a wife can feel neglected by her husband's job or outside pursuits, I also realize that things don't change unless you're both willing to address them, not give ultimatums. However, I am curious how someone as "spiritual" as she justifies making you quit your job, give her money to pursue a degree she doesn't want to help foot the bill for AND move to a foreign city.

 

again, it sounds like she wants to see what kind of control she has over you. Are you sure you want to remain in a marriage with someone like this?

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notspiritual

Thank you for your opinions.

 

Money is not the root of all evil but the lack of money is

 

I pay for everything as I am the only one who works. Being in the US, I am the only one with a work visa. She makes me feel guilty for stopping her career. But she had no career in the first place. She says I will find a better job in London and have more days off. She has a university degree in soft sciences and will have work permit in UK. But since she is planning to go to graduate school, I will have to finance everything the first 18 months including her studies.

 

I have been doing research on her meditation group and found some articles that the guru was a sexual abuser. So I anonymously sent her web links to the articles because she would never believe anything I say against her religion. Unfortunately she guessed it was me. She said she does not believe the articles anyway. She does not seem too upset so far.

 

But I am tired to worry if she is ok and won’t dump me in the next minute.

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I'm sorry if this sounds like male chauvinism......but what in the world is wrong with you man???

 

She is your WIFE......

 

She either follows your lead, or she hits the pavement.....

 

End O' story.....

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notspiritual

I want to her to choose to be with me, not staying with me because she does not have money. So I tried to make her financially independent, encouraging her to pursue a degree in a more practical field in NYC. I even agree on writing to give her 20k if she wants the divorce even though my net worth is negative 70k due to my student loans. I made everything easy for her to walk away, so that I am sure it is her sincere decision to stay with me.

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reading your responses to ours, I'm getting to thinking that this woman is going to stick around and treat you however she wants because you're not going to tell her to shape up or ship out. Harsh way of putting it, but she really doesn't sound like she has much respect for you, just is staying around because she knows you'll keep funding her lifestyle, whatever it may be. If she's deadset on going to London, tell her to work out a financial plan of how SHE will make it work with minimal support from you (as in, "if we move, I'll provide a roof over your head and keep you fed, you're on your own for the rest of it") because as I pointed out before, she's only interested in seeing how she can make her little monkey (read: YOU) dance. And frankly, that's a pretty warped attitude to bring to a marriage.

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I want to her to choose to be with me,
She already does, but not for the right reasons.
So I tried to make her financially independent
For future reference, what I highlighted in bold is a HUGE no,no in ANY marriage or relationship. Encouragment is ok, but promising her money as an incentive is NOT.
I made everything easy for her to walk away, so that I am sure it is her sincere decision to stay with me.
No....see, you made it easier for her to stay with a light conscience......

 

You've put in a series of events that'll be hard to reverse. It's my advice that you put a skreeetching halt to all of this nonsense, and tell your wife to straighten her act out.....or get out on her own.....

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annabelle75

She is using you !!!!! Get out now before it is too late. Don't give her anymore money. Your logic about how giving her 20K will make her financially independent makes no sense at all.

 

She is getting everything she wants from you and getting to live her own life (with the cult) without any responsibility to you. She has you so scared that she will leave that you are doing whatever she wants to please her. This is a very bad situation. You sound like a very intelligent and reasonable man. You shouldn't allow anyone to treat you like this. As let as you let her do it, she will never stop.

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notspiritual

She often says: I have sacrificed 2 years of my life to join you in the US, supporting you morally through your studies and work search but now that your career is at the top, you won’t even help me finance my studies. You are so selfish.

 

Well, I don’t know why she thinks she helped me morally; I would have been able to concentrate better on my studies if she weren’t here to disturb me. She was supposed to first complete a master degree in our home country while I got my master degree in the US but she dropped out. She accused me that I ask her to drop the master, but I only told her to join me in the US because she found the master uninteresting and was sad being separated

 

Besides, it is not like she wasted 2 years, now she can speak perfectly well English thanks to the lessons I paid for her. But she keeps saying I got her the worst quality English school. True, it is not the most expensive, but it is still $200 per month (8h per week). I try to limit the expenses until I am out of debt. Also, she’s the one who picked the school, not me! She says she chose the cheap school because I complain about my debts.

 

Now she wants to take acting classes, singing classes and painting classes. She wants me to pay a usd 1500 retreat in Europe for her religion.

 

I think I have to stop this insanity, thanks for giving me some external perspectives.

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Chrome Barracuda

I would give my left pinky toe to make how much money you make. Where I come from many people dont get the pportunity to go to school. because their are no schholarships to be awarded and college is hard enough with working with a full time job.

 

But that's besides the point. I think you funded her pipe dreams for too long. You fund her education and pay for the bills and she acts like she's still entitled to doing what she wants with this cult, religion? Is it scientology???

 

Those wackos are crazy!!!

 

I would consider giving her an LSA and tell her to let this church fund her activities and education. She's had it too easy and you need to make her realize how much you are worth to her, whether financially or emotionally.

 

You dont need the nonsense. She threw you away and all that other nonsense and for what?! for this religion, this cult thing. if it is so important she can throw away her life but wants you to join?

 

What do you want to do!?!?!

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annabelle75
She often says: I have sacrificed 2 years of my life to join you in the US, supporting you morally through your studies and work search but now that your career is at the top, you won’t even help me finance my studies. You are so selfish.

 

Huh? Two years? She thinks spending two years with YOU SUPPORTING HER FINANCIALLY some how earns her the right to have you pay for her college education or what not? Ummmm ..... two years is nothing even if you hadn't been paying her way. Wow ... I am just speechless. This girl has some serious entitlement issues. Stop enabling her.

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Between your marriage and the "Titantic" is the Titantic had a band playing when "she" went down under!

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notspiritual

Thanks gunny, I must say that all your posts in other threads have been helping me a lot to become stronger.

 

I know that the articles on her sexual abuser guru somehow distrubed her but she does not want to see the truth. A good thing is that she keeps wondering who the hell has sent her the weblinks to these articles. When I asked her if she can forward me the articles she refused.

 

She says not everyone has the good karma to see an authentic spiritual leader. She says I have a bad karma. She is ashamed that she has to introduce me to the meditation group next week. She said that she would not hesitate to leave me for the handsome and spirtual men in her meditation center if I stop giving her my full attention.

 

She said this morning that she wants to leave me. She doesn’t know why she would be with someone as immature (I used to play video games, I tell silly joke, I only think about my career) as me while there are so many spiritual and handsome men in her meditation center. I don’t care what she says since she will probably change her mind again tomorrow.

 

I am glad I will get into the religious group and strike at the right moment.

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I know that the articles on her sexual abuser guru somehow disturbed her but she does not want to see the truth. A good thing is that she keeps wondering who the hell has sent her the weblinks to these articles. When I asked her if she can forward me the articles she refused.

 

Hey, she's so in touch with her spirituality and all maybe they came from the spirit world?

 

She says not everyone has the good karma to see an authentic spiritual leader. She says I have a bad karma. She is ashamed that she has to introduce me to the meditation group next week

 

I asked her to come up on the dope and share some with me? That must be some good stuff they're smoking over there!

 

 

Shes aid that she would not hesitate to leave me for the handsome and spiritual men in her meditation center if I stop giving her my full attention.

 

 

If it were me ~ she wouldn't have to say that but once, and I'd be up and packing her trash and dropping her off at the guru's place on the first thing I could find "smoking" be it car, taxi, bus or train! Gunny Rule #1, first time some woman gets to making threats about leaving me ~ I'm going to make her dreams come true! I don't play that game!

 

I am glad I will get into the religious group and strike at the right moment.

 

WTF Man? You've got an MBA, you're pulling down 150K a year, you live in NYNY for crying out loud ~ the number one place to be an eligible man looking for a GF(s), your in the prime of your life ~ some of the best years of your life and your throwing them away on some hippie love child that can't get her head out of the clouds, chasing after (yet another) false messiah, who's talking this big time ~ disrespectful crap.

 

Look pal ~ the ROI on this investment of time, effort, energy and money just isn't there, cut your loses and go find yourself some greener pastures. It'll take a couple of years of being used, abused and lead astray for she'll wake up to the David Korish phony.

 

Take fool's advice and don't waste some of the best years of your life on this nut job! Go find yourself some women that apprecitate you and what you've got to bring to the table and offer. The one you've got? All she's bringing to the party is herself and a trainload of crap. :mad: She's not part of the solution ~ she's part of the freaking problem? She's not part of the answer ~ she's part of the freaking question?

 

Besides? At your age you shouldn't be getting into a serious relationship anyway. With your up-side potential at such an early age you should be concentrating on your carrer. This is the time in your life when you should be making an investment of time, putting in those long hours, learning your trade and honing your skill set.

 

Look at all the men that have great bodies in their 50's and 60's and look ten or twenty years younger? You know why? Because they laid down the foundation, and so as they age, they don't have to bust their ass to stay fit. They only need to do maintenance exercise to keep what they've got/

 

Look at all the men that have been successful in their choosen field. Almost everyone of them didn't marry until late in life.

 

You understand the concept of investing early on and reaping greater rewards later on. Do you really want to invest all this tme, effort, money and energy in this one girl when the same or lesser investment will yield you ten other women who actually appreciate you and don't give a damn if your spiritual or not?

 

You need to get Carlos Xuma e-book "Secrets of the Alpha Male"

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maybe it's time to have her honestly answer what the hell she's sticking around for if you're such a bad deal?

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annabelle75
maybe it's time to have her honestly answer what the hell she's sticking around for if you're such a bad deal?

 

Exactly! What is she doing with you if all these other men are so great? Probably becasue they don't make as much money as you.

 

You really sound like a decent guy with a great career and a solid future ahead of you. Why are you wasting your time on this woman? Are you addicted to being with her and don't know how not to be? If I w3as treated the way that she treats you I would have walked out a long time ago.

 

You sound like quite the catch. Don't waste your time or money on her anymore. Give her what she wants and leave her. There are plenty of women out there willing to treat you with the care and respect that you deserve.

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notspiritual

She told me she does not understand how she has wasted 4 years of her life with me. She feels so happy now that she is liberated from me and will be able to grow spiritually. I replied that I have never emprisoned her but that I am glad that she is happy now. Maybe she is just angry and does not really think what she says and want to see my reactions.

 

But I am indifferent, what she is doing is decreasing my love for her bit by bit. But part of me still wants to protect her. I will not do anything stupid to jeopardize my future, but I need to infiltrate the religious group and see what can be done. I feel guilty I neglected her so that she had to find happiness somewhere else.

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She said this morning that she wants to leave me. She doesn’t know why she would be with someone as immature (I used to play video games, I tell silly joke, I only think about my career) as me while there are so many spiritual and handsome men in her meditation center.

 

Well I very well could be wrong.... heh... but this sounds like there ALREADY IS a spiritual and handsome man from the center... Why do you think she keeps going? Either they've already hooked up OR are looking forward to a possibility... I'd say let her go, sounds like a liability to me. Forget about infiltrating the group or playing private eye... you'll only make it an 'us against him' thing and make their bond even stronger. You'll drive yourself crazy in the proces. Let them have each other and take control of yourself and what happens from here on.\\

 

Don't let her make you feel guilty! If you made some mistakes in the relationship take responsibility for them. But never ever let soemone make you feel responsible for their own selfish actions!

 

Funny, at one point just before my wife left me she got involved with a sort of self help group. Now this group is usually considered to be pretty helpful to people. They set up folks with an advisor or sponsor. At one point I gave her an article where this group was said to be anti-marriage at times. It's frowned upon for opposite sex sponsors and newbies to work together. But this is what ( if I believe her words) happened. However the fact that she now lives in a house with this man, her 'sponsor' from the group says a lot...So the group was either real and she met this guy there OR the whole thing was a front she came up with. Either way she left... and I'm pretty sure that the 'group' helped her decide what was best for her regardless of other involvements. So her new commitee decided for us..

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notspiritual

gunny: i will get the e-book.

quankanne, annabelle: good question, I 'll ask her next time she speaks about how great the guys in her meditation center are.

 

As I predicted, though my wife threatens to leave me every day, she also changes her mind the following day. Today is a day where she decided that we are back together.

 

I really don't care what she says, I just ignore it. I hope she will become more stable in her head.

 

Maybe I am just getting a little paranoiac but I got a bad stomac ache and thought what if she poisoned me? The thing is, she would get 400,000 usd from the life insurance if I die. I really care for her and was worried she would be without resources if I happened to die. However, if she died, I would get nothing because she refuse to take the medical exam. I never obliged her because I can take care of myself alone.

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Plain and simple, what she's telling you is abuse. If she's not happy, she should leave. There's NO excuse for her to tell you that she wasted two years and that she could get someone better, and all the other nasty things she's said. Why are you allowing her to abuse you? Do you think she'll have respect for you if you cant stand up for yourself? We respect the people we love, we dont love the people we dont respect. If you want her love, then you must make sure she respects you, and that means standing up for yourself even if it means losing her. If she's unhappy, she's free to leave. That's her choice. But to leave and kick dirt in one's face is absolutely uncalled for!

 

I think the more important thing in your life right now is focusing on your debt. Moving to a new country in pursuit of happiness is foolish if you've got 100K debt! You are making damn good money and you shouldnt have such a debt. Yes, money is not everything, and you do need to make time to enjoy life, but you dont need money to relax and enjoy life. Cut your debts down, and I think one of the highest debt in your life right now is probably your wife.

 

You are young enough to bounce back from this marriage, and if she's so unhappy and abusive at such a short time into your relationship, how on earth do you think you'll make a 20/30/50 year marriage? I hate to advocate divorce, but she sounds extremely shallow, abusive and manipulative. Yes, you have done wrong and you probably neglected her at times. But her solution to that problem is to control you and hold it against you instead of forgiving you? It wont work.

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Plain and simple, what she's telling you is abuse. If she's not happy, she should leave. There's NO excuse for her to tell you that she wasted two years and that she could get someone better, and all the other nasty things she's said. Why are you allowing her to abuse you? Do you think she'll have respect for you if you cant stand up for yourself? We respect the people we love, we dont love the people we dont respect. If you want her love, then you must make sure she respects you, and that means standing up for yourself even if it means losing her. If she's unhappy, she's free to leave. That's her choice. But to leave and kick dirt in one's face is absolutely uncalled for!

 

I think the more important thing in your life right now is focusing on your debt. Moving to a new country in pursuit of happiness is foolish if you've got 100K debt! You are making damn good money and you shouldnt have such a debt. Yes, money is not everything, and you do need to make time to enjoy life, but you dont need money to relax and enjoy life. Cut your debts down, and I think one of the highest debt in your life right now is probably your wife.

 

You are young enough to bounce back from this marriage, and if she's so unhappy and abusive at such a short time into your relationship, how on earth do you think you'll make a 20/30/50 year marriage? I hate to advocate divorce, but she sounds extremely shallow, abusive and manipulative. Yes, you have done wrong and you probably neglected her at times. But her solution to that problem is to control you and hold it against you instead of forgiving you? It wont work.

 

{Caveman gruntal} ~ Arrrggghhh, arrrggghh, arrgggh! :p

 

The dear, gental, senseable, reasonable, logical, balanced dgiirl we've all come to know, love and appreciate has got some "spit, whiskey and vinegar" in her veins as well! True grit! ;)

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Chrome Barracuda
Plain and simple, what she's telling you is abuse. If she's not happy, she should leave. There's NO excuse for her to tell you that she wasted two years and that she could get someone better, and all the other nasty things she's said. Why are you allowing her to abuse you? Do you think she'll have respect for you if you cant stand up for yourself? We respect the people we love, we dont love the people we dont respect. If you want her love, then you must make sure she respects you, and that means standing up for yourself even if it means losing her. If she's unhappy, she's free to leave. That's her choice. But to leave and kick dirt in one's face is absolutely uncalled for!

 

I think the more important thing in your life right now is focusing on your debt. Moving to a new country in pursuit of happiness is foolish if you've got 100K debt! You are making damn good money and you shouldnt have such a debt. Yes, money is not everything, and you do need to make time to enjoy life, but you dont need money to relax and enjoy life. Cut your debts down, and I think one of the highest debt in your life right now is probably your wife.

 

You are young enough to bounce back from this marriage, and if she's so unhappy and abusive at such a short time into your relationship, how on earth do you think you'll make a 20/30/50 year marriage? I hate to advocate divorce, but she sounds extremely shallow, abusive and manipulative. Yes, you have done wrong and you probably neglected her at times. But her solution to that problem is to control you and hold it against you instead of forgiving you? It wont work.

 

 

It is abuse, emotional and mental abuse. Why are you putting up with this behavior? is your wife bi-polar is that the reason she keeps changing her mind back and forth? Is she just saying these things to get a rise out of you, sounds like she's playing a game.

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It is abuse, emotional and mental abuse. Why are you putting up with this behavior? is your wife bi-polar is that the reason she keeps changing her mind back and forth? Is she just saying these things to get a rise out of you, sounds like she's playing a game.

 

 

Sounds like a child... somewhere around high school age emotionally. She's never had to take care of herself or face real consequences for her actions. Let her have this imaginary super life with all that spirituality where you don't need a job or anything.

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Sounds like a child... somewhere around high school age emotionally. She's never had to take care of herself or face real consequences for her actions. Let her have this imaginary super life with all that spirituality where you don't need a job or anything.

 

Sumdude, you're really coming across all day strong here today ~ I do believe you've turned the corner! :);)

 

Glad to have you back from the Land of the Lost, Dazed, and Confused! Put your Ray Bans on and go out and rub some sunshine on your face! :cool:

 

You're just way too Kool! :cool:

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