I found the person made for me...or made to ruin me

[Guest]

I will try and sum this up the best that I can.

 

Almost 3 years ago I met and instantly fell in love with this man.When I say I fell in love, I mean I had something that people will live their whole lives and never experience. From the second night that I hung out with this man and he put his arms around me, I literally felt that he and I became one and the same person. Words cannot explain this and I know that no one will understand what I am talking about unless they experinced it, but something surreal and unexplainable happened where time stood still and I literally felt that he entered straight into my heart and joined himself to me. My heart even physically tingled, which I never felt before or since. I am not stupid, either and I know this sounds very odd.

 

At any rate, from that moment on I could not stand to be away from him. It was so powerful, like an unexplainable magnet pulling me to him. I never wanted any other man but him and even if Brad Pitt or the sexiest man in the world was to want me, I would never want anyone but this man I loved.

 

Well, as time passed it turned out that he was living with another woman, and he turned out to be a drunk who became abusive, etc. I loved him so much, but the more I saw him I felt like I was loosing myself. He was a porn king who loved some of the raunchiest things imaginable, and between that and the abuse and the woman he lived with (who he claimed he would leave if I would live with or marry him) I almost had a nervous breakdown.

 

I moved about 3,000 miles away to get away from him because I knew that being with him would only drag me down. For over one year I have not seen him. I went through an emotional nightmare though, even to the point where I thought I would jump off of a bridge because I loved and missed him so much but he had made me feel so miserable all the same.

 

No one understands how I can love someone who made me so amazingly happy but so incredibly miserable at the same time. I still, to this day, feel that he was made for me and I do not think I will ever meet anyone who I will have such a connection for.

 

A point of the connection that I feel I have with this man: in February of this past year I was 3,000 miles away and falling asleep in my room. I suddenly felt that I had to pray for him and not stop. Something told me something was very wrong and that he needed prayer and help. I kept praying and was so concerned. Somehow I knew that something had happened. Turned out he was arrested that night, and taken to the same jail where 10 years ago he had been jailed and witnessed a man that he knew hang himself in the jail and where the police forced him not to help save the mans life and mocked the man as he was hanging there dying.

 

At any rate, I am going out of my mind. Night and day all I think of is him. He has contacted me quite a few times via email in the last year, telling me he loves me. I do not write back.

 

I know I will never have this with another man, this connection that I cannot explain in words. Yet I know he is so messed up and needs help. What should I do? If I do not see him, I continue to live in misery. But if I see him, I am so afraid that he will ruin me with his abuse and peversions because he needs so much help.

 

Any advice would be much appreciated.

 

Thanks!

[britchick]

You fell head over heels in love (or lust) with this man, it doesn't sound odd, that's how it feels sometimes. When you got to know him you found out he was living with someone else, he was a drunk and abusive. If he was in love with you he would have left this other woman, if he was a decent person he wouldn't have become involved with you at all, not many decent people are drunken abusers.

Moving away was the best thing you ever did, you have to remember why you did that - to save yourself from a lifetime of misery. When you describe how happy but miserable he made you, you are describing a typical abusive relationship, i.e. thinking you are the only person who really understands and connects with him, you are the only person who can see what is inside him, it's not easy to hear but there are hundreds of thousands of people all over the world in relationships like this. This man is NOT special, he is poison.

 

You have to remember, you cannot help him and you shouldn't help him. Change your email address, do anything you can to ensure he cannot easily contact you. You two will never be happy together, he will drag you down with him, you cannot 'save' him.

 

One day when you have let go of this man, you will meet someone, who values you and does not abuse you but treats you as you deserve to be treated and truly loves you in return. When that happens you will look back at this episode in your life and thank god that you escaped.

Good luck.