having an issue with a second try

[SDave]

My ex broke up with me 8 months ago, now wants to try again. In the meantime, she has found a new group of close friends to hang with...she met these friends thru a guy that she met after our breakup so she says she was pretty much "incorporated" into their group. The guy that introduced her to his group of friends has a lot of feelings for her...and if we were to try again, I would have a hard time dealing with her being around him and hanging out with him. I don't think it would be right for her to do so after knowing the facts.

 

Are my feelings wrong in this case or am I just being insecure? All I know is that if she goes out with this group, that guy will always be there. I also know that he does not want us to get back together and always says bad things about me and always brings up issues that made our previous relationship crash before, in order to change her mind. I don't think this kind of influence is gonna be helpin us very much if it continues. I don't want her to hang out with the guy but he's a part of that circle of friends. Would asking her not to hang out with this group wrong for me to do? I'm kinda stuck in this situation.

[bluechocolate]

I would always be wary of someone who wants to hang out with recent exes, whether they're in a circle of friends or not. Especially if I....

 

......know that he does not want us to get back together and always says bad things about me and always brings up issues that made our previous relationship crash before, in order to change her mind.

 

However, cut the guy a bit of slack - I'm sure it wasn't him that made your relationship crash before.

[Violet87]

It's somewhat normal to feel a tad insecure about your ex hanging around with a guy who has a crush on her, while you two are trying to re-establish a relationship. Sit down and talk to her about how you feel.

 

If you and your ex are trying again at a relationship, you're gonna have to be able to trust her. While she can't help how the guy feels about her, she can help how she reacts upon that. Alienating her from her friends isn't such a good idea.

 

I also know that he does not want us to get back together and always says bad things about me and always brings up issues that made our previous relationship crash before, in order to change her mind.

 

All this will depend on you, your ex and why you two broke up in the first place. It is important to remember things that made the relationship crash before so you can work it out and avoid making those same mistakes. He may really have her best interest in mind, but if she chooses to continue the relationship with you, the guy's going to have to respect that nonetheless.

[MrPot]

I was going to quote the same part that the prior two posters did. There's no way you can be dating someone who is also "friends" with someone saying something like that.

 

If you want her back, you need to issue an ultimatum. Him or me.

 

But then, she might just hang out with him and not tell you. I'd say not to the whole idea.

[KittenMoon]

Wait- this guy is jonesin for her, but she's still willing to try again with YOU?

 

Since she doesn't seem to be interested in this guy romantically- since she certainly has the green light from him- maybe you could ask her simply to not discuss the relationship at all with him. (The added benefit of this being that if he continues to bad mouth you, he looks like an obsessive jerk). And make yourself available to hang out with her and this group- prove yourself the "bigger man".

 

Or, like others have said, if this seems like too much work, if you don't feel you can trust her, you could ditch the situation all together. As it is, I don't think you've given us enough info to paint a picture of her trustworthiness.

 

YOU know her best. What do YOU want? What does YOUR gut say?