PAP Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 After3 months of the breakup, she started texting me and inviting me for a coffee or to hang around. Well i took all this signs as a regret from her and wanting to get back together with me. She even txt me once while being drunk that she still loves me. Yesterday she was in a club i went to celebrate the new year and most of the time we were together having fun, she even took me home as i was a bit drunk to drive. Today i gave in and text her asking her why she is coming closer to me. If she wants something more or if she just wants to be friends with me again. She said that i am a very important person in her life and does not want to lose me from her life and she was feeling bad that we were not talking. And that if i want to cut every communicaton with her she will understand. WTF? I told her that she is too important for me as well to just cut her out of my life as simple as that and that is very hard to see her only as a friend. I then asked her what she thinks of us getting back together . She said that she will not ever get back again with me. Well i said that i dont want to get back together because a relationship with her is like a rollercoaster. She is a CP I wished her well and told her that now i know that i have done everything in my hand to try to fix things with her so i will not have any regrets that i let her go without a fight and that i will found someone that loves me for what i am. She txt me back that i am the sweetest person that she ever met and that she will always love me. I cant understand her she was giving all the signs she even told me that she still loves me what did i did wrong here? know i must move on with my life but why she was giving me all this signals that she wants to get back with me? This is cruel, maybe she wanted to try being friends with me and slowly build the foundations of a relationship and by being impatience and asking her directly if she will get back with me i ruined everyting?During the 3 months i have applied no contact she started txting me and coming around during December. i was doing so well and now i feel like i am in day one again. She said to me that i am too important in her life and doens not want to lose me as a friend but i really cant see her as a friend. Do you think is egoistical from my part? I know she stills loves me because she told it to me one night. I really cant understand her, maybe she wanted to check if i still have feelings for her because the last 3 months i managed to hide my feelings from her. I know after some weeks she will try to communicate again with me and i really dont know what to do.... Thnxs and happy new year to everyone Link to post Share on other sites
sick of it Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 i dont know what to say but keep this in mind... when you say "too important for me as well to just cut her out of my life as simple as that and that is very hard to see her only as a friend" these words are based off your romantic feelings towards her. think about someone esle in your life that is very important that you wouldnt want lose. its a different feeling, isnt it? just keep that in mind. Link to post Share on other sites
whattofeel Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 PAP, I really think that she's just stringing you along and not caring about your feelings at all. this reminds me of what my ex-bf did to me and i got really hurt whenever he felt like asking me to hang out and then blowing me off. i don't think you should even consider keeping contact with her if you still have feelings around. please please just stay in NC and move on to someone better. don't take her words too seriously. if she really cared about you as a friend she wouldn't make you all confused like this. i believe she just wants to boost her ego knowing that you'll always be around whenever she needs you around and you don't need another person like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PAP Posted January 3, 2006 Author Share Posted January 3, 2006 she told me that she opened communication with me again because i am a very important person in her life and she was feeling bad for us not talking. But i really believe that she opened communication with me again because she was missing me and wanted to slowly try again with me and i am banging my head on the wall if i ruined everything by asking her directly if she would get back with me. Maybe if i was taking it very slow things would be different but my impatience ruined everything? So know we are in the no talking as i told her that i cannot see her as a friend. did i ruined an opportunity for a reconcilation? ps i apologise for my poor english.. Link to post Share on other sites
whattofeel Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 i think right now you should regard the fact that she wants to "slowly try again" with you as being friends. don't hope for more. if you can't take that, which i know is very hard since you still have feelings, then stick with NC because otherwise you won't be able to move on with always hoping that every little thing that she hints could be a step closer towards getting back together. unless she specifies that she wants to do that with you, i suggest to not bang your head over it. you'll just keep confusing yourself and not heal. it's a new year, so go out and start fresh and enjoy your life out there! who knows who you will encounter! good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 Oh boy. Perfect example of why you should NEVER break NC if you want your ex back, unless they are declaring their undying love for you and apologizing profusely for leaving you. Because, simply put: unless they say they want you back, they dont. They may want you in their life, say...as a friend. That's it. Dont bet the ponies that the ex is going to want to step up to relationship status anytime soon, assuming you do in fact respond to their advaces as just friends. She wasnt sending you mixed signals at all, actually. The problem here is a conflict of interest. She was reaching out to you simply for friendship reasons. You, still wanting her back, misread those communications completely and missed the whole point entirely. Seriously, when an ex wants you back romantically, they will show you without a doubt how much they really want you. There is no room for misinterpreting. I'm sorry you were one of those people who was stuck in a situation where the communication was lacking...this is what happens when you still have hope and they just want you in their life. as a friend. Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 one more thing, I missed this part: >Maybe if i was taking it very slow things would be different but my impatience ruined everything? No, she'd have told you point blank if she wanted to work on being together again. she didnt say a thing regarding that, thus you werent impatient and you didnt ruin anything. >So know we are in the no talking as i told her that i cannot see her as a friend. did i ruined an opportunity for a reconcilation? No, you didnt ruin your shot for reconciliation. Not at all. You set your boundaries very elegantly actually. You should always demand "all or none" of you (meaning either relationship or nothin) if you still want the ex back, otherwise theyre going to assume youre cool with being friends and that's that. If anything, you simply demanded respect. Nothing wrong with that at all. Link to post Share on other sites
ElizabethH Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 JDub is exactly right. You were a very clear communicator with your girl. My feeling is that she wants to have you for security reasons as in you're in her life as a friend if she needs you. But she has no intention of being the woman of your dreams or having a ravishing love experience. She just wants you as a friend. You need to move on and get over her. Don't waste your solid man self on this gal. There is a woman out there who'll really enjoy your love and affection! I'm afraid you'll get more hurt if you hang on to this one. Elizabeth Link to post Share on other sites
Author PAP Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 I really cannot get her out of my life as simple as that. She was the reason i overcome my death of my father, she gave me strength to continue my life, and i really cannot just forget about her. I just hope one day god gives me the strengh to be able to see her as a friend because she means a lot to me, i own her so much. she was honest with me and broke up with me because her feelings changed and she didnt want to hurt me more by staying with me without loving me. I dont hate her about that. She cares about me a lot and when she is saying that she doesnt want to lose me from her life she really means it but i dont have the strength to see her only as a friend and that is killing me. Just wanted to get it off my chest i know there isnt any advice on this. Thnxs Link to post Share on other sites
Enygmatic Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 You don't have to blame yourlself for anything, you were honest and direct which is the most important. I had almost the same experience with the difference that my girlfriend was cheating on me. Even though she was with another guy (she always thought i didn't know and still thinks it) she kept on telling me how important I was for her and how much she loved me (BS). From my point of view I would tell you that this girl is just trying to have you available...in case she doesn't get what she wants. She just wants to make you think about it so you get confused and start biulding unrealistic expectations. Don't play this game because you will end up hurt. Just move on with your life. don't be somebody else's "second" choice. I always believed that things happen because they are supposed to happen so don't stress out because you'll see that everything will get better. I know it's hard to stop thinking about her but realize that if she is not with you its because she doesnt value what you feel. Life is the biggest classroom and the test is at the very end....just learn from your experiences.....don't get stuck with them. Life is way to short like to waste it while you think about something thats not worth it. At first you might think "she was the one for you" but there is no such thing.... but if there is something like that...then she will stay with you and won't leave because "is for you". The most important thing is to not have unrealistic expectations, there has to be no "what ifs" in your mind. Hang out with friends. meet new people, stay around.... Link to post Share on other sites
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