jacked17 Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 I guess today it finally hit me that my ex and I are done for good. We've going through so much over the past 2 months and I'm so hurt and upset today. I've been crying my eyes out at work all day long. I'm a really emotional guy who wears his emotions for the world to see. My girlfriend of 2.5 years and I were together were in love from the day we met. We had the most amazing chemistry together. We did have a somewhat rocky relationship and we didn't treat each other as well as we could but we always loved each other. We decided in June of this year to take a break as we needed to fix ourselves so our relationship could grow. We had had grown apart due to her moving in with a new roommate and hanging out with a new group of friends and it made me feel like less and less of a priority. We took a break and did our own thing but we still talked everyday and hung out occasionally. I realized at the end of September how much I missed her and how much I did love her with all my heart. I attempted to get us back together but she decided that she liked someone else and wanted to pursue him. i was a mess. It really hit home because I never thought I would lose her. I didn't talk to her for the whole weekend and she called me the following monday and told me how much she loved me and she wanted us to hang out the next friday night. I jumped at the chance to go see her and we went out and had a great night just like the old days. We both had a great time and she assured me we would be back together in no time. I didn't talk to her much that weekend and we ended up making plans for the following wednesday and thursday nights. We went out that wednesday and had a great night and a long talk. She told me she really loved me and the other guy she was dating was meaningless and how me and her were meant to be together. I was pretty excited and I went out with her and her friends the next night and she kept telling me how she wanted to kiss me and at the end of the night she told me she wanted to spend her life with me. She told me she was definetly going to end things with the other guy. I was excited and then that weekend I noticed she was acting weird. I went to her place that sunday night and he was there and had been for the whole weekend. I was crushed and told her I never wanted anything to do with her again. She called me the next day and like an idiot I forgave her what she had done. She told me that she loved me so much and didn't want to lose me at all. I asked her to hang out on wednesday with every intention of letting her go. I told her I couldn't go on with the way things were and she cried her eyes out and told me she didnt want to lose me and she wanted to be with me so much and she promised we'd be back together in 3 weeks. I said ok and i surprised her with a flower on friday and she told me how much she loved me and how awesome i was. I let her do her own thing that weekend and she called me on sunday and she said she didnt' realize how much she liked the guy she was dating and she had to move on and she couldn't give me what i wanted and she wanted me to get over her. I was crushed again... I continued to talk to her that whole week and pressure her into getting back with me and I showed up to see her at work that friday. She broke down to me that day and told me she was so confused and she loved me so much and she wanted to be with me more than anything but just couldn't right now. I said ok and I went to new york that weekend. I had a breakdown and I called her while in New York and she told me to move on her feelings weren't the same and she didn't want to be with me. After talking to my friends I decided I couldn't do this anymore. SHE CALLED ME the following monday and told me how much she loved me and she wanted to be with me more than anything and basically promised me that our love was so strong that nothing would come between us. THE NEXT night she called me and she said she couldn't do this anymore. She couldn't go back and she needed to move on. I was devastated and I've been calling her and talking to her everyday. Everyday I talk to her things get worse and worse and it seems like she's over me more and more everyday. How can someone get over someone in one week and how knowing the emotional state I was in could she tell me our love would last through anything and less than 48 hours later could she be telling me she doesn't want to date me and her heart changed. How is that possible? She tells me she can't committ to anyone right now but it's a lie because she's been dating the same guy for two months and they hang out all the time. It's a relationship just without the title. I'm so hurt and devastated because she's my best friend and I thought we would be together for the long haul. I've never quit on her but I don't know how to now. She's even telling me to quit and to move on. Should I just give her space and hope she changes her mind because I think she's pretty set in her ways now. Anyone who can help me with advice or who can help me get over this pain it would be great. I feel like I'm going to die of a broken heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Jellostick Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 I don't think you're going to die but I also don't think she's worth it either. Come on, one minute she's going to tell you she loves you and the next she's going to tell you to get over her and move on? I think you might have mentioned that at least 3 times in your post. It's ridiculous and it's obvious she doesn't know what she wants. She's stringing you along, jacked17. Is that what you want? Do you want honesty? Do you want trust? I hate to say it but I don't think you're going to get that from her. I'm not going to tell you to move on because I find that a little bit strong to say. I do think you should stop contacting her though and give yourself a break from her. You should focus on being away from her and enjoy being alone for now. If she contacts you I think you should either ignore her or let her know that you need a break from her. I think if you feel you might get a second chance, I think you need to practice being away from her first and have her sort out things because there's nothing for you to sort out except for you. You can't worry about her anymore, it's all about you and what's best for you and I think you need to back off and let her know you need space from her. If it was meant to be it will but I don't like what she's doing to you. I firmly believe there's always going to be someone better out there if this one doesn't come back but first you need to make an effort to fix yourself. I know it's tough but you can make it through this, don't give her the satisfaction in knowing she has brought you down. Stand up for yourself and think about what's best for you. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacked17 Posted November 16, 2005 Author Share Posted November 16, 2005 Today has been the hardest day of all. Everytime i talk to her I break down. She spells it out for me. She says it's over. I love you but not in love with you. I'm over you and i have no faith in my heart we'll ever get back together. I'm such a mess right now and I can't deal with all of this. I am hurting so much...... Link to post Share on other sites
symbol Posted November 16, 2005 Share Posted November 16, 2005 Jacked17, I totally understand how you feel. My boyfriend dumped me 2 weeks ago and the first few days were soooo bad. I really thought that I would die of pain. I couldn't function, couldn't do anything at all. Luckily, I had this good friend who helped me survive. What I would suggest that you do is to meet with your friends, let them take care of you for a while. Don't stay at home waiting for an email/phone call/IM etc. Now that it's been two weeks, I feel much better. From time to time I get worse but most of the time I am strong, I am looking forward to what life will bring. You will feel like this soon but just not now. On the other issues I totally agree with jellostick that she doesn't know what she wants and only if you cut contact will she understand that she is losing you. This doesn't mean that she will come back to you though. This just means that both you and her need some time alone (NC) so that both of you will know what you want. Stay strong, the pain will gradually pass or at least lessen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacked17 Posted November 17, 2005 Author Share Posted November 17, 2005 The problem I have with the whole thing is that she kept me around for a month and half and pushed me away and every time she brought me back. I kept pressuring her and pressuring her until finally that pushed her over the edge to the point where she doesn't want anything to do with me. It just bothers me that for a month and half she's been telling me how much she loves me and how we're meant for each other. I mean one week ago she told me online how much she loved me and she said our love would make it us last through anything. How in the hell do you get over someone in one week? I talked to her today and she's just like I'm over you, move on, date someone else. I don't get her I really don't. She just used me until she was ready to move on and now I'm stuck with the broken heart and she acts like she doesn't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Jellostick Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Seriously, she's not worth it, man. Don't you see what's she's doing? She's stringing you along? Maybe she kept telling you she loved you 'cause things weren't working out w/ the guy in her life? Maybe she was telling you she doesn't care about you 'cause things were working out w/ the guy in her life? Either way she's not worth it. Why do you want someone like that? Ask yourself that question. Your life will not end because of this girl that's playing w/ your head. What's more important to you: your sanity or some confused chick? Why are you sweatin' her so much? She has no bearing on your life, you do. She is playing w/ you and playing w/ your emotions and you're letting her win. She's having a grand ol' time knowing what she's doing to you and you're letting her walk all over you. Stand up for yourself and go out, be constructive, bide your time, go hang out w/ friends but worry about you 'cause she's not worth this. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
LilChicki Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Jack.... This girl is definetly using you..and you sound like a nice guy....a SINCERE nice guy who deserves MUCH better. I agreee with Jello..she's most likely using you until her other prospects pan out. As long as yo are there, and willing to take her crap...which is what it is....she will dish it out. Slam the door in her face..and refuse to be her doormat anymore. You need to man up and tell her to stay out of your life....because believe me when you do, her jaw will drop. Don't be shocked if she tries to throw the guilt trip on you for not dealing with her anymore. It's just maipulation so she doesn't feel like the bad guy. Do NC...it will help. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
UnknownOne Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Today has been the hardest day of all. Everytime i talk to her I break down. She spells it out for me. She says it's over. I love you but not in love with you. I'm over you and i have no faith in my heart we'll ever get back together. I'm such a mess right now and I can't deal with all of this. I am hurting so much...... This sounds just like my current situation. My marriage is falling apart after 10 years. My wife cheated on my and told me that it was a one time accident that occured in the park. After three weeks of seperation and goign throught he rollercoaster of emotions, I find out that she lied to me then and that it has been going on for weeks before! There is nothing like the one thing in the world you love the most stabbing you in the back! Bottom line, I know it is tough and you hurt, but you can get through this. Just try to find stuff to take your mind off of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacked17 Posted November 17, 2005 Author Share Posted November 17, 2005 I've already shown all of my cards and ruined everything. I was talking to her yesterday and she kept telling me it's over, she has no faith in us ever again and she's not in love with me. She told me that she was over me and to stop calling her because all I want to talk about is us. Even if I stop calling her it's beyond the point of it having an effect on her. We've been broken up for so long and we haven't hung out steadily in so long that I just think I waited too long. If i stop talking to her it's not going to make a difference. I mean I know I should be looking out for myself here but letting go of your first love and your best friend is the absolute worst feeling. She's the one person I could always count on to be there for me. Yeah, I know I'm young and I'm 23 and I'll meet someone else but I'll never meet someone else with the chemistry and the bond that we had. I just wish she would just realize that. Everyday that goes by I love her more and more and she loves me less and less. Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Jacked17, dude, get a backbone. Yes, it's painful and yes, all seems dark. But pining after this woman after she's manipulated you so badly is damaging your psyche. Stop calling; not because of her, but for your own self-respect. If she contacts you, refuse to respond. Lilchicki is absolutely right about the guilt thing. Your ex will probably try all sorts of guilt-trip manipulations. Have none of it. NC is the only way to go. You will get over this, you will find someone else, you will eventually appreciate the time you had with your ex, you will be a better man for all this pain, and someday sooner rather than later you will get involved with someone whose passion for you will eclipse your ex's like a shadow crossing the sun. So be strong, and when you feel you can't be strong any more, be strong for just five more minutes. You're going to be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Jellostick Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 no offense, jacked, but are you even reading any of the responses you're getting because all your posts seem to ignore any advice and all sound the same. She's the only one you can count on to be there for you? Yeah, she certainly sounds like she's there for you now, huh? Guess what? She's not going to be there for you anymore because she doesn't care and frankly, she's not worth it. Don't you have a best friend you can turn to? Do you have any friends you can turn to 'cause when it's all said and done, your friends will be there for you, not some girl who is playing games w/ your head. My last girlfriend and I had chemistry too but you know what, it didn't work out for whatever reason. But hey, that wasn't my first girlfriend and I had chemistry w/ others but sometimes it takes more than chemistry to keep things going. Obviously your ex wasn't thinking about chemistry so where does that get you? If she's telling you to stop calling then stop calling 'cause you're not going to get anywhere by calling anymore. What's the point? She's not going to miss you and even if she does, why would you want to get back w/ her anyway 'cause most likely if you do, she'll do this all over again. I had a first love too and it hurt but sometimes you just have to get your pride back and stop feeling sorry for your bloody self. Man, 23 years old and you think you'll never have this again? Get up, get out there and get real because she's not worth your time and all you're doing is looking weak. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacked17 Posted November 17, 2005 Author Share Posted November 17, 2005 Yeah I mean I know she's been manipulating me and using me for the past month and a half. I just didn't understand how she was able to move on in a matter of a week. She claimed she moved on because I was harassing her about our relationship so much. I guess it's possible. I guess I just finally feel like this is the end of the line. I never thought during our relationship that it would ever end. I just have so many regrets about everything. The reasons she told me she couldn't get back together with me was because she hated the way she felt when she was with me. The reason for that was because I didn't treat her like she deserved to be treated. It was my first real relationship and I come from a household where all I've ever seen my whole life growing up is people not getting alone and people not showing each other respect. For some reason that and just a general unhappiness with myself caused me to take that out on her. So whenever I asked her for a second chance she would always say I can't go back, I can't go back. I would say well let's go forward with a new relationship and she would say I can't, I can't. It hurts me so much because I feel responsible for making our relationship not work. I've harassed her to the point where I've pushed her away. I know she didn't treat me right but I feel so used by someone I love so much. I feel like she just used me to get over me if that makes sense. I'm just at such a loss here. The longest time in almost 3 years we haven't spoken is 3 days. I'm having a hard time going 3 hours without wanting to call her. I feel like I have so much I need to explain to her and get off my chest and I feel like I will never get that opportunity. I know why would I even want that opportunity? I know I should hate her for the way she's treated me and I should hate her for leading me on and hurting me so much but I don't. I can't explain why but I honestly love her the more and more I think of her. I'm really so lost right now...... Link to post Share on other sites
Winger Posted November 17, 2005 Share Posted November 17, 2005 Hey Dude, I'm 20 and I was in a similar situation. I begged, pleaded, harrassed her for a month and it didn't work. However, I finally accepted the breakup and realized that there are a lot of girls out there...so I dated some and had a lot of fun. A month later, my ex called and we reconciled. You have to show her that you are strong and not weak. And not just to get her back...because that might not work anyway. BUT...in the end, be strong for yourself. Everyday will get better. Go out and date other women and have fun. Don't be obnoxious about it...do it for yourself. And trust me, if you go on a few dates and have some fun, it'll get back to your ex and might make her realize she misses you. She has you waiting in the wings bro...and she knows you'll stay put. Once she realizes that you won't....bingo. And if not...new girls are kickass. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacked17 Posted November 18, 2005 Author Share Posted November 18, 2005 I'm on my second day of NC and it's so hard. Not talking to someone after talking to them everyday for almost 3 years is so tough to do. It hurts knowing that she doesn't call me anymore as well either. It just makes you feel like you're relationship meant nothing and all of the times she professed her love to me meant nothing. I know I have to get out there and date other girls it's just really difficult to let go of someone that meant so much to me and it hurts knowing I didn't mean neither as much to her.... Link to post Share on other sites
symbol Posted November 18, 2005 Share Posted November 18, 2005 Jacked17, I totally understand you. I am on NC for the past 13 days. And my ex didn't even try to contact me. I mean no emails, no IMs, no phone calls, NOTHING! And we had been together for 7 1/2 years and we always thought we were the loves of our lives. Stay with the NC, I know it hurts. But every single day it will become easier for you to move on. And you just have to move on. You cannot let her ruin your life! Go out, have fun with your friends! Try to focus on the good things in your life. And after a few days, you will feel much better. And, also this doesn't say that your relationship didn't mean anything to her at the time. Of course it did, it just doesn't mean anything NOW because it is over. Hard to accept, I know, but once you accept it, your life will be a lot happier, believe me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacked17 Posted November 18, 2005 Author Share Posted November 18, 2005 Yeah it's absolutely killing me right now. I just don't understand how she could've said the things she did to me. How do you tell someone that your love is so strong it will last through anything, to always have faith because we will get back together, that she loves me and always will and all of the other lies she told me. Knowing someone hangs on you're every word why do you say that to someone only to grasp it away a few days later. This whole thing is the absolute worst. I just wish I listened to everyone's advice in the begining who told me to not talk to her. It just sucks because I'm still at the stage with false hope where I think she's going to realize and come back but I know it's over it's just so hard letting go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jacked17 Posted November 22, 2005 Author Share Posted November 22, 2005 I'm an idiot who broke NC after almost making it to the third day. She just does so many things that contradicts every word she says. I was looking at her AIM profile and she had the new guy she's dating's initials at the bottom of it. That set me off and I called her and I was so upset. She said well you hadn't called me I thought you were over me. I went to see her on sunday to tell her how much she basically sucks at life and I said something that she didn't like and she told me how her and him hooked up. Can you believe someone would do that? I mean this girl claimed she loved me and I was her best friend. Why would she hurt me like that? How do you move on and get over someone so quickly? Like an idiot I talked to her again today and she told me after telling me basically everyday for 2 months she didn't want a bf and she wanted to sow her wild oats that she thinks they're going to be bf and gf soon. WHY WOULD ANYONE WANT TO HURT ME LIKE THIS? Link to post Share on other sites
lamento Posted November 28, 2005 Share Posted November 28, 2005 I've spent nearly 3 months of nearly full NC - the first week was hell on earth - think of it as training - remember the scene in the french connection when Gene Hackman was pumped full of drugs and then proceded to go cold turky to save himself - that's how you have to look at it - you've become dependant on this girl and maybe that's one of the reasons she's run - My ex decided it was the best thing for me to be cruel in the end because I wasn't getting the message and not getting over her - she got freaked that she saw me getting obsessive with saving the relationship - she couldn't move on herself - let both of yourselves move on.. heal up and try and see what happens in the future - sure alot of things can happen but one positive thing is you will probably wake up in 2-3 months wondering why you ever let yourself get into such a state - you will cringe at how weak you let yourself become and you will in all probability hate her guts and never want to see her ass again - being alone has it's advantages too - you can see as many girls as you want without feeling guilty - living with guilt is something worse than living in your situation - it's harder to get over - let her realise what she's done Link to post Share on other sites
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