Welp, it could be over soon :( Possible Broken Engagement Upcoming....

[Leigh 87]

Well, I always did go on and on about how I needed to go after the men I WANTED, rather than the good on paper guys who were "good men", kind, the most generous and who I DID feel some attraction for but who I was not super into initially....

 

I thought I had a great love story. We fell in love at first site. He was changing my water meter, we walked past one another and got a sudden urge to talk. Everything lit up the moment we saw each other. It almost felt too good to be true. The men I am into on a more visceral level, the ones who's texts I WANT to see pop up into my phone.. the ones I cannot wait to have sex with due to the raging chemistry.... Are NEVER the guys that are "right for me", as is the case with most women.

 

Women never tend to end up with the men who excite their senses the most, and tend to go after more reliable, dependable, kind men who worship the ground they walk on; those men offer "easy" relationships, Everything runs smoothly, they offer women a stable loving home AND the sex can be great if only for the lack of earth shattering "YES PLEASE" feeling from the get go....

 

I always knew I would have the tendency to cheat IF I settled for a man WITHOUT the instant chemistry. IT is just who I am. Being as fairly nice person, I wanted to avoid inserting myself into a situation where I could break someones heart. Without the instant magic, I would feel ripped off and likely leave the "safe" guy the moment I met the magic chemistry with someone else. IT is just to compelling for me to ignore the more chemically driven love were the site and touch of them make you beam with endorphins. I know I would eventually find that magic with a seemingly compatible guy and want to leave the safe guy for a chance at the great love story.

 

Well I met my man four years ago. I got what I wanted.

 

It hasn't worked out. We both just have too many individual issues that are deep seated and that we did not resolve enough prior to meeting..... It has basically caused us to, after we met, to grow and change SO, so SO very rapidly since being together....

 

Meeting each other has been a huge catalyst for growth - he makes me want to be my best, and discard old practices that do not serve me. I am confident, I feel attractive (within myself not conceited) and he has quit drug addiction, told his low paid job to go shove it and he has against all odds, become very successful....

 

We were like a mirror to each others short comings and as a result, we have just changed and shifted so very rapidly to the point where who we are as people does not..... seem to mesh 100%

 

We have grown as people (which was MUCH NEEDED and a GOOD THING), but we have just evolved too rapidly to feel that who we truly are, and what our current goals are in life are in sync anymore....

 

But I tell you, the initial spark and the natural love we so freely had, that flowed so effortlessly and was so compelling and addicting - that spark still remains. We truly love one another. We were not looking for relationships when we met. We were content single. We were not settling and meeting each other felt like winning lotto and the complete opposite of settling.....

 

It is funny when the true nature of us comes out, which can take years...what you are left with. The bare material you are left with, when the honeymoon phase ends and you are left to decide if their quirks and bad traits are driving you crazy enough for you to stay....

 

I do not think we will last and this is heartbreaking. After years on loveshack, having no self respect, not accepting what I deserve in men... I found a guy who thought I was gorgeous, where I WAS his type, who always told me I looked pretty and never stopped...... Who became successful, who has ENORMOUS Strength of character....... Who is exactly what I want in a man, every little thing.

 

We have talked honestly and transparently. We acknowledge it feels dead... a dead end... not changing or blossoming anymore...

 

But we still love each other in "the right way", and the immense love we share makes us at least want to see the relationship out EVEN though we do not feel it will work, and even though the universe does truly seem done with our union. It just feels like we were supposed to meet for a reason (our meeting really did feel pre ordained), we changed each other in ways we could not have fathomed (really, we have grown THAT much due to meeting) and now... welp, we are on our right paths and are done?

 

 

I have been deeply saddened for a while now. This is all sinking in. I really love him so much, he is still the man I want to grow old with.

 

We just cannot both help but think that.... it just FEELS like our time together has been served and now it is time to think if our union still has a purpose. We are not religious, but we do believe we are a soul in human form and that souls have plans when they incarnate, and that while we were supposed to meet, we may need to exercise free will to stay together and perhaps that isn't enough once our mission has run its course:(

 

IT is a hard feeling to put into words... The sex is still great, attraction there, the skin to skin contact and kisses still feel "right" ... We DO want the same things in life and the only area we differ on is when we want kids - he s fine to wait and achieve financial stability and see his parent overseas who he ha snot seen for over 20 years and he misses terribly. Where as I am 32 and if I truly yearn for kids ASAP.

 

Every time I see a happy family with a cute infant, I see the joy and love in the parents eyes and no matter how "full" my life is, I cannot help but think "wow, that is the ultimate, I WANT that, THAT is the life I most want, THAT is akin to my lotto win now". When I met him it felt like a lotto win. I got who I wanted for the first time since I was 18 (I had my first pre ordained love at first site feeling relationship where it was mutual then but never again since t was always one sided).

 

I GOT what I wanted and now it is not enough. Life without a child in it feels empty and no amount of self work, more hours at work, money or a great relationship is stopping my desire to need to be a parent. I just do not think I can be truly happy without experiencing being a mum. So the wanting kids soon thing which he is not against I may add - is also killing the relationship and making it stagnant. So I Am forcibly resisting from EVER mentioning it for a good year or two if we even last that long, that is....

 

All I can say is.. I need to get this out..... Thanks P, for finding me and thanks for giving this relationship a chance... even when it feels like our time together has served its purpose, thanks for loving me enough to want to see it out before throwing it all away.

 

TO me this is true love (which love is never enough to sustain a relationship). True love to me has changed its meaning.

 

Our Love at first site was only cemented as real love, once I saw that you loved me enough after these years to not just throw me away when things felt dead and like it was supposed to end... You think I am worth seeing this relationship out, even when we both know it probably just isn't meant to be long term.....

 

I am glad I found someone worth not throwing in the towel when things get difficult.

 

I hope we manage to get through this. It is so hard when I love the man enough, and the love is enough for a life long thing - yet the universe and life is pulling us apart. It would be more clear cut if the lust, the love, and the feelings and the spark were not there pulling us together.

 

Good luck to all the ones here who are hoping for their miracle too.

 

I am so bloody disappointed to have to be writing this and I hope something shifts:(

 

We both agree that since I know I NEED to experience having a child, that we will not drag this out for more than a year or so longer if things do not progress and start evolving at the pace we both see fit for a successful relationship.

 

Maybe if I stop focusing on what we do not have together (a child), and start working again (I have had time off work due to depression and health issues), I will feel like a new person again; I also am sedentary which feeds into my depressive mindset about what I DON'T have.......

 

Exercise has cured his anxiety and depression (it really has, he was a basket case never to go out in public and now we willingly wants to go out and about with me every weekend....)

 

Wish me luck Love Shackers........ LOve has not been the kindest to me over the ten years I have been a member and I really felt this man was the great love story I was always hoping for.....

 

I will honestly not expect to find this connection again. I will be saving, working my butt off and being a single mum if this does not work out. Love would come later I know it would but the sort of thing we had together... does not readily come, and can take a decade or so of dating.

 

My biggest hope if this does not work... other then being sane after losing who I felt was the love of my life, my biggest goal would be to simply use a sperm donor to be a single mum by choice--- and to meet someone like my Fiance again later in life and have them accept my children as their own......

 

I guess I feel thankful for having got to experience true love the way I always did want.

 

Fingers and toes crossed for us.

 

We both really felt we would get married and grow old together:(

 

I am having to shift my life and live for myself now and just take each moment with him as a blessing.

 

I hope he knows that I love him so much and it feels impossible to just ... never love him and to stop what is there. I feel our connection is just "there" and the feelings can never truly die. I think only meeting another man like him one day, after years and years apart.... UGH this all feels messed up and so impossible......

[Els]

So did you two actually do a proper lab test of his sperm count and morphology, where he actually followed instructions? What was the result of that?

 

 

If he truly has defective sperm and you both want a child, why not just use a sperm donor while with him in a couple of years' time...?

[Leigh 87]

So did you two actually do a proper lab test of his sperm count and morphology, where he actually followed instructions? What was the result of that?

 

 

If he truly has defective sperm and you both want a child, why not just use a sperm donor while with him in a couple of years' time...?

 

His sperm is fine.

 

He would not use a sperm donor though. He does not want children badly enough to bypass the biological aspect. Just like I would never adopt - I want my OWN child, not somebody else's.

 

We both just innately know that the newborn stage and all the hard, awful parts of parenting would not be worth it to us if we could not know the joy of experiencing our own biological babies.

 

If we cannot have kids there will be no sperm donor or adoption or egg donation.

[Wallysbears]

Your “infertility” struggles baffle me because you’ve done nothing, medically, to address them. You lament over the need and desire for a biological child...but are you seeing a reproductive endocrinology specialist?

 

Have you been tested? Has he?

 

My husband and I faced true and real infertility. Together. Lab tests. Poking and prodding. Him giving specimens. Me getting tests. Failed fertility treatments and finally successful IVF.

 

You haven’t done that.

 

You have NO idea about your fertility and just a week or so ago were celebrating that you thought you ovulated? Because of a monitor that indicated such.

 

You need to get real if you suspect infertility. Not hoping and wishing. But charting and temping and seeing doctors. And getting uncomfortable tests done.

 

If you TRULY want a child, that’s what you HAVE to do. Sorry to be so blunt...but the rest of this is crap. People don’t leave people they truly love over infertility. It is hard, but you get through it.

 

Sorry. But that’s the truth. If we never successfully had a baby, I wouldn’t have left my husband. We TRIED together. We faced the pain TOGETHER. He injected me with shots daily.

 

You don’t get to claim the pain alone if a child is something you both want.

[Els]

His sperm is fine.

 

 

If his sperm is fine, then what would leaving achieve in terms of kids (which really seems to be the only concrete issue in your post)?

 

 

Besides, aren't you just at the start of your career right now? Have you graduated from podiatry school yet? How are you going to be a single mum with your current income?

 

 

Are you really just looking for a reason to leave, perhaps...?

[JuneL]

Is there a concise version to your problem? I tried skimming through the long opening post, and didn’t see any problem.

[clia]

IT is a hard feeling to put into words... The sex is still great, attraction there, the skin to skin contact and kisses still feel "right" ... We DO want the same things in life and the only area we differ on is when we want kids - he s fine to wait and achieve financial stability and see his parent overseas who he ha snot seen for over 20 years and he misses terribly. Where as I am 32 and if I truly yearn for kids ASAP.

 

I think maybe the issue is just the timing of having kids? She wants to have kids now and he wants to wait?

 

Maybe she can clarify. Or maybe she just wanted to vent it out and isn't really looking for advice.

[Lisa_Lisa]

I don't personally know of any cases, but I've seen movies and television where when the woman is so obsessed with having kids, it turns the man off and he just doesn't want to participate in the process anymore.

 

 

 

You keep focusing on what you don't have and that makes you miserable. If you continue this way, and you don't ever have kids, you will always be miserable and giving off miserable vibes.

 

 

Please find happiness in your current relationship without bringing up the issues of kids, go see a doctor and have tests done, but don't go back to your boyfriend with the nitty gritty details, believe me, he doesn't want to hear it.

 

 

I think a man just wants you to show him a positive pregnancy test and that's it. He doesn't want to know anything else. If his sperm is fine, great. Go and test yourself, use herbal methods to ovulate, change your diet, and especially change your attitude because you are down-trodden. Keep a positive mind and positive soul. Your brain affects your body, you're placing and focusing on what you DON'T have and that alone will give you more DON'T.

 

 

Close your eyes and visualize rubbing your pregnant belly and feel those wonderful emotions. Write it down, "I'm so happy, today I found out I'm pregnant." "I'm 6 months today and I can feel the baby kicking." And feel happy about that.

 

 

 

You constantly lament about what you don't have. It's not healthy.

 

 

If you and this guy break up, guess what, you have to go the IVF route or the adoption route or the sperm donor route so try to focus on keeping the spark alive and stop the baby talk. It's not doing either of you any good.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't understand the problem except for slightly different timing on having kids. People that are so in love, once in a lifetime kind of love, don't just break up for vague reasons.

 

 

I am just happy that after a lifetime of having pets, I have found "the one" in my current cat. Best pet ever, in every way <3

[Lisa_Lisa]

I don't understand the problem except for slightly different timing on having kids. People that are so in love, once in a lifetime kind of love, don't just break up for vague reasons.

 

 

I am just happy that after a lifetime of having pets, I have found "the one" in my current cat. Best pet ever, in every way <3

 

 

I love pets. They truly are wonderful. They soothe your soul.

 

 

But like I wrote before, the more you focus on the DON'T have, the more you will receive of the DON'T have. Be positive in your thinking that a child will grow in your belly from your love with your current boyfriend.

 

 

 

Ever seen "Sex and the City"? All Charlotte talked about was "baby, baby, baby." Doctor, check his sperm, I went to the doctor today, he said this and that, and we have to do this and that, check levels, blood, the doctor said this, give me an injection, I'm ovulating right now, no we can't have sex right now because you need to preserve your juices, etc. It made Trey not wanna try anymore because that's all she ever talked about.

 

 

This other movie "Election" with Reese Witherspoon and Matthew Broderick, the wife just wanted missionary sex and said "put your seed in me." She only ever laid on her back and sex became monotonous and only did it during the time she might possibly get pregnant.

 

 

If you want a child with this man, stop talking about a baby and focus on the romance, the spark, take a mini-vacation together over the weekend, talk about the fun things you want to do. Keep your fertility talk between you and your doctor. And from your post it looks like this is the only thing that will break you guys up. You don't want that. Keep this relationship alive.

[Sunlight72]

If you want a child with this man, stop talking about a baby and focus on the romance, the spark, take a mini-vacation together over the weekend, talk about the fun things you want to do. Keep your fertility talk between you and your doctor. And from your post it looks like this is the only thing that will break you guys up. You don't want that. Keep this relationship alive.

^^^Great advice bittersweet79! ^^^

[NuevoYorko]

It hasn't worked out. We both just have too many individual issues that are deep seated and that we did not resolve enough prior to meeting

 

We have talked honestly and transparently. We acknowledge it feels dead... a dead end... not changing or blossoming anymore...

 

 

I think this encapsulates everything and all the baby talk is a distraction.

 

You have not been working on your relationship, being obsessed with what you want, and this is the result.

 

It also seems as if you have abdicated all responsibility for your own life, dropping out of school, letting your home go, etc.

 

Girl you have some work to do.

[JuneL]

I think this encapsulates everything and all the baby talk is a distraction.

 

You have not been working on your relationship, being obsessed with what you want, and this is the result.

 

It also seems as if you have abdicated all responsibility for your own life, dropping out of school, letting your home go, etc.

 

Girl you have some work to do.

 

Very insightful observation!

 

Reading between the lines, I suspect the real issue is that their honeymoon period has been over, probably for a long time.

 

I hate to say this, but I also suspect the real motive for all her baby talks was to make her life sound more difficult and make her relationship with this guy sound more dramatic. From her own descriptions, she is far from being infertile.

 

p.s. Where did you see she let her home go?

[NuevoYorko]

 

p.s. Where did you see she let her home go?

 

Different thread:

 

I became depressed, fell ill, failed a semester, got sick of putting full time work on hold and became sedentary. He was getting rid of his anxiety and depression with exercise while I just lived with bad mental health and depression, barely getting out of bed. Living like a pig.

 

It pushed us apart and he grew resentful. I am obviously making positive changes to my life so I can be a normal functioning adult as that is what I want anyway with or without a man.

 

Leigh, seriously. You are "spinning." Your boyfriend has some common sense if he refuses to talk about having a baby with you while you're in this state.

 

You will not be a good parent if you don't get your life together and stop believing the lies you tell yourself about how whatever you want in any given moment will be the key to your happiness.

 

Remember, fairly recently you hated babies?

 

You might need some professional help with your depression and whatever else is behind your slump.

[Wallysbears]

And just what...maybe two weeks ago...he got some fancy ovulation device?

 

Although in all my experience with fertility, i never heard of a ovulation detecting device that required someone to keep a thermometer in their vagina for long periods of time to record a temp every few moments as was claimed in that thread. Perhaps that’s because I’m in the US and most women here merely used a BBT thermometer every morning at the same time orally.

[JuneL]

Different thread:

 

 

 

Leigh, seriously. You are "spinning." Your boyfriend has some common sense if he refuses to talk about having a baby with you while you're in this state.

 

You will not be a good parent if you don't get your life together and stop believing the lies you tell yourself about how whatever you want in any given moment will be the key to your happiness.

 

Remember, fairly recently you hated babies?

 

You might need some professional help with your depression and whatever else is behind your slump.

 

Okay, I just checked out her other thread. So it’s her boyfriend who’s trying to dump her, because she has been in bed all day with failed school, no job, no housework, no hobbies, no friends, and absolutely no responsibilities, while her boyfriend is busy having a full life. So she created this baby bubble as her distraction, so at least she has something to get “busy” with?!

[JuneL]

To add, how is leaving her bf going to make her closer to becoming a mother (assuming she has a say in their decision to stay together)? Unless, of course, she seeks a sperm donor and becomes a single mom within the next year or two. But who is going to pay for her expensive fertility treatment (assuming she does have fertility issues), and financially support herself and raise the kid? Is she going to rely on her parents to support her, as a 30-something giant kid herself?

[amaysngrace]

You should start being more honest with yourself, Leigh.

 

Children aren’t suppose to be used to fill a void. How could you dare to place such high demands on an innocent, little person?

 

A baby won’t save you, only you can do that.

[NuevoYorko]

You should start being more honest with yourself, Leigh.

 

Children aren’t suppose to be used to fill a void. How could you dare to place such high demands on an innocent, little person?

 

A baby won’t save you, only you can do that.

 

Also, a relationship that has no chance of surviving without children probably has less of a chance with the added stress and responsibility of them/

[loversquarrel]

DO NOT bring a child into this world until you have sorted your personal issues. Your post screams of mental and emotional instability that requires addressing from a mental health professional. I'm not trying to be mean but children are a massive undertaking for someone of sound mind. They should not be had to fill a void, it is cruel and they will grow up feeling they need to be there for you rather than the other way around.

[Leigh 87]

Things have improved.

 

He is giving it his all and says he has the right feelings.

 

Seeing therapist. The issue seems to lie with him needing to experience a growth phase in his life, and the phase he is going through requires a lot of being solo and alone time to think in his own head. But he is adamant that he wants to satisfy his desire to expand on his own and individually - whilst in the construct of the relationship.

 

We only see each other weekend anyway due to his job and soon he will be moving for a new job most likely with my doing my degree and seeing him even less briefly. So there seems to be a lot of room for us to both expand and grow and use the need for individual time, whilst still enjoying time together which we both do very very much....

 

In short, it appears we were growing at different rates - with him growing VERY fast while I simultaneously was stalling my life entirely - it felt like a river, a bad confluence of self expansion that was simply not flowing down the same path. And the self work we both needed to do is very independent and individual work that we are both craving and requiring - which ideally, is done solo but we have chosen to find ways to explore this individual exploration whilst still together.

 

We are both definitely in it for the long haul he finds something special about a long term marriage and sticking together and having that long term bond. It is just a matter of us allowing ourselves to get what we need, while finding the right way to incorporate the relationship AROUND our individual needs.

 

Our individual needs were not being met purely through the relationship so we are currently just focusing on fixing ourselves and growing as individuals.

[Leigh 87]

I think maybe the issue is just the timing of having kids? She wants to have kids now and he wants to wait?

 

Maybe she can clarify. Or maybe she just wanted to vent it out and isn't really looking for advice.

 

 

 

I Have been a member here for 10 years, him and I have overcome drug addiction and sleeping on mattresses on the floor with no money.

 

We have overcome all odds, many things, awful events, I have not even mentioned.

 

I think we are right as a couple. We have the right love story, the right ingredients and this is a matter of personal, very individual journeys we both found ourselves finding the need to address - individual things we wanted to combat that are not to do with the relationship at all. The issues stem from us realising that we needed to explore ourselves and our issues as individuals rather than looking outward towards the relationship as the cure all for our individual directions in life we wanted to get a hold of...

 

We are fine as a couple. I am a woman who was confronted with the possibility of infertility due to my PCOS and one tube. This sent me crazy but I am coming out of that initial shock, have done test seen specialists and I am actually fine and ovulating like a normal woman due to extensive work with a nutritionist and naturopath.

 

I guess I was just scared that.. what if we cannot have children together? I am not 100% sure that I could love ANY.. ANY man enough to forego having a child for. And that is just the truth, it does not mean I do not love him enough - I love this man more or at least as much as I CAN and am ABLE to love any person......

 

But it is a real question that needed to be asked: can I stay with a man for the long haul if it DID mean forgoing having a child? Because he is not a man who wants to do 20 cycles of IVF and bend over backwards to have a child. In fact ,we are both believers in if it is meant to be, it'll happen with lifestyle diet, alternative therapies (a naturopath did save my life after all when medical doctors could not help).

 

We just have different levels of what we would be willing to do to have kids - I would probably do IVF a fair few times whilst he wouldn't. This is a very real issue to address, and does not just mean oh we simply do not love each other enough.

 

I have asked the hard questions well before we even KNOW if they need to be asked.

 

Now I am working through things and things do look bright together and I believe we will not be parting ways anytime soon....

[Leigh 87]

Also, a relationship that has no chance of surviving without children probably has less of a chance with the added stress and responsibility of them/

 

 

We would be fantastic parents thanks.

 

This is about me - I personally thought for a while and realised long term infertility would KILL me. It would break my spirit.

 

The relationship is great. We have been together 4 years, great sex life, the right kind of love, love and chemistry at first site and similar life goals. I want kids more than he does but same goes for my own dad and many fathers - they can see it would be wonderful but are not desperate for kids.

 

Plenty of people who are completely in life, can crumble due to infertility. So I am taking steps right now to manage my expectations and live my life, irrespective of whether I get to experience the joy of being a parent.

 

I actually do not think I could leave him. If we could not have kids. I was just scared after finding out one of my tubes was blocked and it made me want to re think every scenario, including worst case.

 

It is not a willy nilly thing - not having kids with the one you love.. it is a very real dilemma, professional therapist tell me I am well within my rights to have to truly explore all possible outcomes both individually and what it would mean as a couple.

 

The desire for children is extremely visceral and it is also just want I want; playing with a child exploring their life and I am just the right person who would love it. You just know if you need to be a parent. It cannot be described. I think it is normal to be told you may have a hard time having children (one tube means it will likely take longer) and it is also normal, apparently, to go through the worst case scenario and try to ask yourself: how would I deal with this as a couple

 

Love enough is never enough to automatically fly through very difficult issues like the possible infertility I may face..... It is ONLY a possibility not a given, but I DID need to explore all possible outcomes and figure out how the relationship would fit in to all this......

 

I have chosen this man and we truly do love each other enough and it is certainly not a lack of love that has ever been an obstacle....

[Leigh 87]

DO NOT bring a child into this world until you have sorted your personal issues. Your post screams of mental and emotional instability that requires addressing from a mental health professional. I'm not trying to be mean but children are a massive undertaking for someone of sound mind. They should not be had to fill a void, it is cruel and they will grow up feeling they need to be there for you rather than the other way around.

 

 

I know I need children no matter how happy or sad I am.... It IS something I need to experience. Some women reach a stage, and are with a person that makes them just know that parenthood is an experience in life that they need and want.

 

I could win lotto and have the dream career and I am certain that once me mental health is taken care of - I am NOT suddenly going to change my mind about wanting a child - it IS something I need to experience irrespective of having a void or not....

 

I am not suddenly going to change my desire for kids once my mental health journey is pieced together and I am more "fulfilled" in life.

 

I am addressing things now. Therapist, the counsellor and myself hope in the next year I adhere to the protocol that they do not feel a child would have a negative impact as they can all tell it is very much wanted for the right reasons - a hiccup in mental health at this phase based on the amount of work we have already done is not something the therapist and people helping me, think is cause for concern to NOT have kids at all.

 

No mental health expert I am working with thinks I need to put off having kids for years due to the current severity of my mental health issues. They are more thinking in terms of me recovering for the remainder of the year. Not YEARS or anything extreme.

 

Sometimes you just know yourself better than online strangers. I know for a given that having kids would NEVER make me the kind of parent that would me meh or unhappy with having kids -- I Would have my own full life and my own happiness and sense of achievement outside of kids and would absolutely not be using children to fill a void. I actually, genuinely desire children. This is not a filling the void type of a want or need. It is part of me and will not go away or dissipate even no matter how mentally "well" I am.

 

I am already a fairly happy person. I just really need to try harder at life, as I did give up and have a break down when I first learned that having kids could take longer or be difficult. I am sad this breakdown near ruined a true love based relationship but thankfully we caught it all before it was beyond repair.

 

Fiance told me that he wants to go through life with me and he wants me to overcome my slump, because he doesn't want to grow apart due to me not progressing while he goes after a different kind of a life to me. He did not want to lose me, hence why I have sought help. It was a joint effort for me to even realise how depressed I was over the mere possibility that I could have fertility issues. He needed to push me along to seeking help for myself, and also because he could see issues for the relationship if I did not seek help.

 

Please never think you now someone enough online to know that they do not truly want to parent. Mental health aside - it would NEVER be to fill a void. I genuinely, whole heatedly want to experience parenthood, and more specifically -with him.

 

What also scared me was once I realised how badly I wanted to parent - I realised that it is WITH HIM. The desire is tied TO HIM, and the fertility scare and the possibility of not having kids destroyed me mentally so much that for a time I DID wonder: would I pick kids or a man, if I had to choose"

 

And for a while it was kids before any man.

 

Now I am not so sure. I cannot imagine life without him. For the first time I CAN see a happy and fulfilling life with just the two of us, for sure. rewarding, fulfilling and blessed life in fact. It would break my heart to not have kids - it would be a shame, as we would make great parents with plenty of love, dedication and support for whatever our child wanted. It would break my spirit but I DO believe I could recover from the possibility of involuntary childlessness...

 

When I find out bad news - even if the news is only a mere possibility - my specialist gave me a 95% chance of conceiving and carrying to term in fact --- I am the kind of person who just HAS to run the worst case scenario by me and my partner..

 

So him and I spoke about the worst case. We discussed what treatments we were willing to do, and what our life in the sand would be. We spent months mentally preparing. And in the end, he told me that he loves me too much to see me without children IF... IF, hypothetically, he was the one unable to have them.....

 

It seems silly to discuss worst case scenarios. But we tend to not shy away and we always discus everything together as to IF WHEN certain scenarios that are not positive - were to occur.

[Leigh 87]

And by the way - to the "spinning" comment... I KNOW you btw, I know your old username LOL, still the bitter nasty old woman who used to tear me town. Ain't going to work dear, I have done bloody well for myself since I met my partner and you are deluded if you think your comments brought me down:lmao:

 

 

I worked my ass off, worked almost full time for over two years as a disability carer during a PODIATRY degree.......- While simultaneously getting High Distinction grades in advanced anatomy and bio-mechanics - this is not a "smoking weed a home, 30 year old bum living at home" type deal here.... I was doing great in fact! I am bloody proud to have gotten a HIGH DISTINCTION in advanced bio mechanics, a Distinction in my other courses AND while finally, FINALLY finding a job I loved and was actually GOOD at......

 

I feel proud! Not the least bit ashamed or embarrassed about your perceived lack of progress I have supposedly not made:lmao:

 

No really. I danced around the house with my dogs when I got the HD grade in bio mechanics - truly a magical moment and I am damn proud of myself to this day. I was a high school drop out and managed to come back as an adult and pass a hard courses in a hard degree with flying colours.

 

When life was well.. I still knew I needed to experience parenthood. Achieving good grades, getting a job I finally was a fit for (as a disability support worker)...... I know what fulfilment feels liked despite a bad flare up of mental health problems.

 

Being a mother will always be a path my heart desires - irrespective of how happy or fulfilled I am. This is not a filling a void type of thing. I identify as a mother - it is just who I feel I need to become as part of a natural progression of my character. I am not quite there yet but I am not far off it, and the desire will NOT dissipate at all.

 

I would never recover from not being a mum. NO amount of fulfilment or self work would take away this desire. Just the same as any other good parent ever felt - this is the same feeling. The same seed. The seed is innate, it is not a void filler. I AM one of the many women in the world who knows she needs to be a mum - it is part of me. Life is more difficult as a parent I do not live under a rock. I found out I could have fertility issues and it broke my spirit - nothing I feel ashamed about, it is totally normal for a woman who identifies as a mother to feel under immense threat when the very thing she feels that she IS at heart, is going to possibly be hard to obtain.

 

Anyone who actually knows me tells me it would be a tragedy for me to not become a mother - if you knew me, actually knew me in real life - trust me, there is nothing good about my not getting to experience parenthood. Anyone who knows me agrees and has voiced their concerns at me missing out on something I WOULD absolutely be good at and enjoy, even if the child had special needs. My kind and generous and loving nature and the childlike love for life I have.. everything about me basically - everyone who knows me has voiced to me in support that it would be a travesty if I were robbed of my ability to raise a child. And these are good, sane people saying this honestly. These are friends who do not always tell me I am doing great at life, or tell me only what I want to hear and just as easily inform me when I make bad decisions.

 

By the way - I have many friends. Good friends, decent friends who are decent characters and are not the types of people to associate with losers. Where did I say I was friendless:eek: I mean.... I am proud of the types of friends I now associate with. I feel our friends are a good indicator of the types of people we grow into throughout life. My friends all got University and lead great lives and do not think less of me for having mental health issues at times, and being delayed in the college/university area.

 

I only ceased work due to PCOS and the hormonal balance making me bleed and bleed and bleed until I was a non functional mess in bed all day who could not function. I needed surgery. Iron infusions. Spent 10s of 1000s on a naturopath who fixed the bleeding when medical professionals could not.

 

I Do not think I am doing anything particularly wrong - I am doing the best anyone in my situation would do in fact.

 

But go ahead and try to tear my good grades and my years in the same job down - you are only attempting to get off on making someone you do not even know feel bad about their path.