LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Breaking Up, Reconciliation & Coping > Second Chances

Rebuilding an Old Relationship


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

Like Tree8Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 26th February 2019, 8:41 PM   #1
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 23
Rebuilding an Old Relationship

Hello, I been broken up with my ex girlfriend for about 6 weeks and in this time, I have grown as a man and person. I have made significant changes to my life and my life is better because of it. However, I do still love my ex girlfriend and I bumped into her a few days ago. We spoke for about 10 minutes, catching up with each other and seeing how the other one has been. We ended on bad terms, with us both blocking each other's number.

When we were together a few days ago, I mentioned how we should unblock each other's number. She agreed. I also mentioned that I miss her and would like her to come over if she decided she wanted to. She said she'd think about it(we live in the same apartment complex). I ran into her again that night while she was outside with her dog and I petted her dog and it gave me a few kisses. After that, we went on our way.

It's been a few days and she hasn't reached out. I will continue playing it cool and not reach out, so my question only matters if she does reach out. How do I properly go about getting to know her again? If she comes over, I plan on focusing on just having a good time, drinking some wine and just relaxing and not talking about the past. It's a touchy subject because negative emotions are involved on her side because of the guy I was in the past and I get that. I see myself with her, but I am keeping my options open. I've started going to church, exercising, being more patient, kind, and thoughtful.

Does anyone have any tips or has gone through a similar situation? Grateful that you took the time to read and respond!

JB

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 27th February 2019 at 9:05 PM.. Reason: Paragraphs and move to SC
jarob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th February 2019, 6:22 AM   #2
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 32,701
Real lasting change takes months to implement not 6 weeks. Good for you for taking positive steps but don't oversell.

When speaking to her just go slow. You need to gradually get to know each other again. Don't rush things.
d0nnivain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th February 2019, 10:18 AM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 164
I wouldn't even consider your relationship an "old" relationship unless it's been YEARS. 6 weeks is an extremely short time. You might think you've changed.. but it's very unlikely to change old habits in such a short time. Even if you did, it might not be long lasting like the person above me has said.

I have to emphasize.. it's been less than 2 months. Whatever problems you guys have previously, it might still persist because not much time has passed yet. Emotions, wounds, arguments, they should still be fresh at the moment. It's not like it's been years. If you still like her, talk to her.. suggest that you are willing to change and work things through because you still care for her. If she says no then move on. Focus on yourself.
Kelliousme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th February 2019, 12:42 PM   #4
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 7,735
Only 6 weeks? Nah, you've got a ways to go still as far as growth is concerned.

If you'd said a year, then I'd have agreed with you--heck, even 6 months, but not 6 weeks. You're still too emotionally hooked into her and she's demonstrating that she really doesn't care if she's going days without reaching out to you.

Ex's are ex's for a reason and 6 weeks isn't enough time to process those reasons out.
__________________
If the person you're with treats you in any way other than well, and you keep sticking around trying to make it work, you're no longer a victim of what they're doing--you're a volunteer. ~ Derrick Jaxn
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th February 2019, 7:09 PM   #5
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 23
I should have left out the word "old" and just put relationship I dated her for 4 months, and it was intense.

I've seen her around the last couple of days and have been playing it cool. We both said hi and went on our way. If given the opportunity, I'll take it slow and learn from my mistakes.

I want to do it right this time.

Any other advice would be great. Thanks!
jarob is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 27th February 2019, 7:20 PM   #6
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 7,735
Quote:
Originally Posted by jarob View Post
I dated her for 4 months, and it was intense.
You barely made it past the 3 month mark where the "on their best behavior" representatives are dismissed and the "real you/real her" comes to the fore and it fell apart---as all weak foundation relationships will do in this time frame.

Quote:
We both said hi and went on our way.
So neither of you could be arsed to invest more...

Quote:
I've seen her around the last couple of days and have been playing it cool.
playing games was more important.

Quote:
I want to do it right this time.
Then find a different girl to invest in. This one is after attention, not relationship. Learn to discern the difference.

Last edited by kendahke; 27th February 2019 at 7:23 PM..
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th February 2019, 1:38 AM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: SoCal
Posts: 83
Agreed that 6-weeks is not a long time but if you feel you have matured then just keep playing it cool. Stay away from talks about the past and let her lead the discussion. GL
David33 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th February 2019, 1:53 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Antipodes
Posts: 11,793
Jarob, I looked at your old posts. She made it quite clear that she doesn't want to get back together with you. This friendliness she's giving at the moment is simply about clearing the air and not being awkward when she runs into you. Please don't make more of it than it is.

I will also agree with those who say six weeks is not long enough to prove change. The other thing which is worth throwing out there: have you considered that when she was pulling away in the relationship, this was her planning to break up. Whether you chased her or gave her space, she was probably ready to move on regardless.
basil67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 1:50 PM   #9
New Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 4
Unhappy I feel like I screwed it up, what do I do now?

It was my first time to post, if I made any mistake I apologies!

Jarob, I think you should focus on yourself but meanwhile you can at least be friend with her,
I don't know why you block each other. I think first of all try to make her associate you as good memories, and maybe ask her to have a drink and you will see .

Last edited by Vitrichenko2215; 3rd March 2019 at 2:50 PM.. Reason: Totally wrong reply
Vitrichenko2215 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
After rebuilding your life what can you expect from old flames HarryWilliams Second Chances 6 17th August 2013 6:55 AM
rebuilding trust in a relationship Guest Marriage & Life Partnerships 0 15th December 2006 8:10 PM
Rebuilding shattered relationship with MM sadlittlegirl The Other Man / Woman 41 24th August 2005 9:38 AM
Rebuilding trust in a long-distance relationship...and other issues... Geoffrey Long-Distance Relationships 5 20th March 2004 10:46 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 2:11 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.