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Ex says he wants to take it slow

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Old 20th February 2019, 4:51 PM   #1
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Ex says he wants to take it slow

Hi everyone....

I have posted about this same ex a couple of times here, a little background- we started dating back in April 2018 and have been on and off since then, we have somewhat of an intense past. We stopped talking in between Oct-Dec where we both started seeing new people.

But alas, the heart wants what it wants, and my heart wants him. He says he wants to take it slow with me this time and not rush. It has been a rocky start again BUT this past weekend we saw each other for the 1st time in 6 months and we had an AMAZING time. I met his friends and saw his mother again. His friends loved me and his mother and I caught up which was nice. I think or maybe I am hoping that him seeing this approval from both his friends and mother maybe opened his eyes a bit, not sure. Because since then it seems as though we have took things up a notch. He's been calling me everyday since, and made plans with me this weekend.

So I guess what I am looking for here is- how long should I wait before I start looking for commitment? How do you feel about him wanting to "take things slow?"

Secondly- has anyone ever or believes that a long term committed relationship could start off terribly?

I am giving this one more try with him and if this doesn't work out this time, I will legit be CRUSHED. And why am I almost expecting this to not work out? idk guys...
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Old 20th February 2019, 5:12 PM   #2
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If he has to be talked into dating you by the people around him and in his life, then he's really doesn't want to date you ... and you for sure don't want to take him.

I would hate the taking things slow routine ... because ... well ... why not go at the pace that the relationship needs to go at?
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Old 20th February 2019, 5:31 PM   #3
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Odd way to spend your first wkend together after time apart, l'd wanna be locked up somewhere together.
But anyway if it was rocky before then no wonder he wants to take it slow if he's got any brains why would he rush at it again.
Odd to that you started seeing new people so soon wth would you do that and it also says a lot about feelings or maybe lack of or how could you both fly into seeing other people so soon.
So l dunno , over all wouldn't get hopes up, it all seems weird for anything serious.
As far as the rocky start before , all depends why. But if it was just the way you got along or didn't then that'll probably rear it's head again in time l think unless whatever it was was fixed buttt, not necessarily.

Last edited by chillii; 20th February 2019 at 5:34 PM..
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Old 20th February 2019, 6:45 PM   #4
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There has never been a solid foundation...ever with you two, so I can't see how this is going to work. Sure he's being this great guy all of a sudden, but I feel it will be short lived.

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
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Old 20th February 2019, 6:48 PM   #5
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Have either of you done any emotional work to resolve the issues that broke you two up in the first place? Because if neither of you have done anything in the time you've been apart, then whatever it was that broke you two up is still waiting to land on you and do the job all over again--except this time, you'll have 2nd time egg on your face because ex's are ex's for a reason.
If the person you're with treats you in any way other than well, and you keep sticking around trying to make it work, you're no longer a victim of what they're doing--you're a volunteer. ~ Derrick Jaxn
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Old 20th February 2019, 7:22 PM   #6
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OP, I really think this is nothing but history repeating itself. It's so unlikely that the issues that caused this relationship to be on and off all along have been adequately addressed/resolved.

Apart from that though, if you truly want to give this a chance, you need to actually give it a chance and not rush things. And, you two have already mucked that up.

Originally Posted by jess060191 View Post
He's been calling me everyday since, and made plans with me this weekend.

So I guess what I am looking for here is- how long should I wait before I start looking for commitment?
So, he's been calling you every day since this past weekend??? That's only like, what?, 3 days? And, you're asking about how long to wait before looking for commitment??? No wonder he said let's take things slow.

And, he said take things slowly, yet he took you to see his mother already???? That's jumping the gun too.

Seriously. If you are going to do this, you need to take some real time to sit back and really evaluate things with him and where you two are compared to before.

He is right. Go slow. Frankly, as far as I am concerned, you are starting from ground zero. Don't just jump into things from where they were when you broke up. You need to do a "do over", a complete reset. Start dating each other again. A couple of dates per week. Don't sleep together right away either. That will just cloud things again.

You both need to chillax.
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Old 20th February 2019, 7:40 PM   #7
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That's taking it slow? Non-stop calling seeing each other all the time. You'll be right back to square one once the newness wears off.
If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of giants. - Newton
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