julia34 Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) Hi everyone!I'd just like an outside perspective on my situation because I am quite lost So my ex broke up with me 3 months ago after 8 months together. We broke up because of something outside of our relationship (mental health, he wanted to deal with it on his own, was starting to affect me, it was for the best). We both agreed it was a shame and that we weren't closing the door (broke up crying, kissing etc.) Post break up we agreed to cut contact for bit, both got to a better place, still missing each other I'm sure (he said multiple times I wasn't the reason for his mental health, and he completely differentiated the two). After a month we started talking again, he sent me some really sweet Christmas texts, and we had quite flirty conversations. It was all very chilled and laid back, taking it very slow. He then texted me on NYE and met me where I was and everything was really great. A few days later we met up for coffee and it was really nice, (he even got me a Christmas present), and I know from a common friend that we both felt like we were going to kiss at the end, but didn't, which I think is good (not playing with me?). Recently he invited me to his birthday party and we had a really lovely night, it felt like when we were only seeing each other. He showed me how he redecorated his room, kept sitting next to me to talk to me about his life, and later on he told me how great I was and how his decision to break up was the hardest he ever had to make. He kept touching my bare back, rested his hand on my knee and was playing with my legs. All of this without trying anything or being too pushy. I think it's still early to even talk about us, but I was wondering if you think this sounds like a good situation? As much as I've been moving on and getting on with my life, these 3 months taught me to be comfortable alone but also confirmed that I'd love to be with him. I don't want to freak him out. I'm thinking I should wait for him to talk to me/ realise, but I also don't want to sit back and let him go again. What are the next steps? Is he just trying to be friends? Edited January 23, 2019 by julia34 (easier to read) Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 So are you both dating other people now? I only ask because you said it felt like we were only seeing each other. Have you discussed what you're both doing in this interim while he works on himself? I mean, this could take a while. I say if you haven't agreed to date others, and he's still in limbo working on himself, you should date others. He probably is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author julia34 Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 hey! We're broken up so really we're free to do whatever we want. I'm not closed to the idea of meeting anyone, I know he gets with people every now and then. I meant it felt like last year when we got to know each other. We have discussed (when we broke up), we said for now we're broken up and free to move on with our lives, but it's not always that black and white Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 What steps is he taking to address his mental health issue, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author julia34 Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 Hi! He started to take care of it when we were still together, he's followed by his GP, a therapist and he's on anti depressants, he took a lot of measures to get better and he seems to be improving a lot Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 If you both think that the reasons for your break up have been addressed to the point where they no longer present an obstacle to you dating, then getting back together is fine but for him to resume dating you when he couldn't handle it is not good for either of you if he still can't. Link to post Share on other sites
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