zoobac Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 (edited) I lived with my ex girlfriend for 2 years in the UK. We met here but she is from Japan originally. We broke up about 4 months ago mainly because she couldn't find a decent job in her line of work but also I was not feeling that our relationship was going anywhere. She moved back to Japan for a new job. We met over Tinder of all places and slept together on the first date. There was never really any romance but we enjoyed each other's company and ended up moving in together quite soon after. I visited her in Japan last month because I missed her. We spent a couple of very nice weeks together. She asked me to move out there with her and tells me she loves me. Logistically, it's possible because I work for myself and one of my clients based in Japan would most likely help with visa sponsorship. If it makes a difference, I am 30 and she is 26. However, part of me is somewhat worried about the commitment and what it means if I do move out. I think I love her, but we've never really had a strong passion between us (for example, kissing doesn't feel natural and the sex is just OK) which worries me. Other than that I cannot fault her or the relationship.. We get on very well and I can be myself around her. Should I pursue this and make the move out to be with her? I do not want to lead her on, especially if there is someone else out there better suited to me. But also do not want to miss my chance for a good relationship. I am embarrassed that I'm completely out of touch with my own feelings! Edited December 26, 2018 by zoobac Typo Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 26, 2018 Share Posted December 26, 2018 We broke up about 4 months ago mainly because she couldn't find a decent job in her line of work but also I was not feeling that our relationship was going anywhere. What has really changed? Yes, you missed her, but where is your relationship now going? Link to post Share on other sites
Author zoobac Posted December 26, 2018 Author Share Posted December 26, 2018 What has really changed? Yes, you missed her, but where is your relationship now going? I struggle to answer that but I think if I did decide to move closer to her then I would have to commit fully to the relationship with even a view of getting married. Link to post Share on other sites
Nukem Posted December 27, 2018 Share Posted December 27, 2018 Hi, here are some signs FOR which I noticed: you missed her and visited her in Japan you are 30 with stable job she asked you not a problem moving to Japan and some considerations: living abroad is not easy Japan is very different I would advise you follow your dreams and do not be afraid to take risks. Link to post Share on other sites
brownygoldy Posted January 1, 2019 Share Posted January 1, 2019 Your point about sex stood out to me. I am myself exploring the importance of sex in a relationship. From my personal experience so far, having a number of sexual relationships, I can declare that I have always felt a closer bond and pull to the two men I have had natural sexual chemistry with. There must be some science behind it, we know that human beings are social beings and there will be some research around the psychology behind sexual compatibility between distinct individuals. Maybe on one level, emotional compatibility breeds sexual compatibility? Your relationship seems to tick some of the key boxes, you miss a companion, but are you passionate about her? I know that I have got on famously with some men, but from my side I have not been able to pursue a relationship with these men when there has been no physical chemistry there. Physical chemistry isn’t restricted to sex - a hug from this person can make you feel warm, and at home. I personally at this stage in my life wouldn’t be able to or want to pursue something with somebody that I don’t have natural intimacy with, although I am in the process of getting over my ex with whom I had this chemistry. Our chemistry kept us together for longer than we should have been as we weren’t compatible in other senses that are more important in building a successful relationship, so that’s the flip side of it. I do know however that good sex leads to a stronger bond - that IS scientifically and hormonally proven. Sorry that my answer doesn’t answer your question directly but I do think you should consider the issue of passion around your relationship more - emotional and sexual. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 1, 2019 Share Posted January 1, 2019 To be blunt, you don't uproot and move when you're uncertain about a person. If sex is lukewarm now, it's not going to get any better and will only get worse. You like her okay, but that's it. There is no reason to do this. Keep dating and date local. Link to post Share on other sites
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