tidal Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 I've been dating this guy for 7 months and knew a month ago that the relationship was turning sour. Two weeks ago, I brought up my unhappy feelings and suggested we break up. I went away on a vacation with other friends for a week, and while I was gone, he had a revelation about all the things about him that he needs to change; for him, for us. That I was right, and he has to grow up, be more responsible, etc. He believes in the relationship and wants me to give it a second chance. I still don't feel it. I don't feel anything. I've always gone on my gut instinct in past experiences and it never steered me wrong. My gut says to just get away from him. I'm frustrated that he won't leave me alone, he won't give up on us; and I just want to move on with my life. I have never seen someone in love as much as he is with me. He has been pleading and begging for me to give the relationship a second chance, for several days now. He has complete hope that we will work out. I am his first girlfriend (ever) and he sincerely believes that I am the One and that he could happily live the rest of his life with just me. That he is as happy as he wants to be, when I am around. So, according to logic, I should not voluntarily give up someone who loves me unconditionally. To complicate things further, I am his only friend - and without me, he has nothing. Also, with his new 'personal revelations', I know that he truly needs the help of a friend to support him through these changes. So, my problem is that I, right now, do not feel anything in this relationship and I am not happy. The guy 100% believes that the relationship will be better and I will be happy, when he makes his life changes; that I do sincerely believe he will make. If I leave him for good, it will crush him and his emotional unstability is a huge concern of mine. Would it be a waste of time to stay with him, help him through his problems; for the chance that we could be happy again? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.P Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Give it a go, I was given a second chance that I was so greatful for and things did change for the better. Unfortunately we have split up again now, someone else got to her and she has done some horrible things. But I want her back again, I'd do anything for us to get back together again once she realises what a big mistake she has made. Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by tidal I still don't feel it. I don't feel anything. I've always gone on my gut instinct in past experiences and it never steered me wrong. Feelings follow circumstances and decisions, not vice-versa. And gut instinct can be well-trained or badly trained. Analyse why you broke up. Just a gut feeling or reasons you can put your finger on? Are those reasons still there now? I think it's great and right that you want to be kind, but I think you need a cooling off period, at the very least. Maybe some time apart, to reflect. Absence may well make your heart grow fonder. Is there any way you can explain this to him? To complicate things further, I am his only friend - and without me, he has nothing. He's an adult and needs to stand on his own 2 feet a little. Even if the 2 of you stay together, this is incredibly unhealthy. Link to post Share on other sites
markraine Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 Exactly what Romeo said. You'll only hurt him worse if you get back with him without any changed being changed because the result will eventually be some time. It isn't healthy for him to base his HAPPINESS on you, relationships are about balance and if he is heavily leaning to you for happiness, that messes up the balance and puts a massive burden on him. I can tell you still care about him deeply and I'm sure he cares about you, but nobody just changes overnight. I say give it a month or two of separation, if he's going to make changes, let him prove it, just say you really need time to sort things out, see how he reacts.......its a difficult thing to do, but better to make adjustments now and fix things, then to have an even more painful breakup in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
sundrop Posted July 18, 2005 Share Posted July 18, 2005 You can always take things slow and see if his intentions ae true, see if he will change. OR Trust your gut. (I am finally learning that) Bess Wishes on your decision. Link to post Share on other sites
game-addict Posted July 19, 2005 Share Posted July 19, 2005 tidal, I know what you're going through but from the complete other side. I am in the same boat it sounds like your SO is in (but a longer relationship). What's best to do? Heck if I could say. From the 'other' point of view, I can totally relate to where he is coming from and though I can't speak FOR him, I know I feel how I do with nothing but the best intentions and honestly feel I can step things up on my end to help the both of us, and our relationship. Though, if you really truely do just want to move on with your life (life without him) then it's not fair to do anything but that. Just be sure that's what you want and make it very clear..It will save him and you soooo much pain and suffering in the long run. Life _does_ go on, and though I am a firm believer that 'fate' only extends so far and that if something really is 'ment to be' it still can be derailed when it's not given a shot, things really can't get too much worse for him I'd imagine.. 2p from a passer-by.. Link to post Share on other sites
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