Bryony999 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Looking for some advice please... Situ is I broke up with my GF 2 months ago, things were good between us but she wanted a baby very quickly and I thought it was too soon, so she announced that she thought she should probably do it on her own. We were both gutted but it was an amicable break up and we agreed to try and be friends but I asked her to give me some time to get myself together and not contact me. 2 weeks ago she sent me a nice message just saying she was thinking of me and that she hoped I was ok etc. I responded the day after acknowledging it and then sent a longer message yesterday when I had returned from a trip abroad and had a bit more time. She responded instantly and said she was happy to talk but is currently abroad at a Conference and raised the point that she is giving a presentation on Friday to 1000+ people and is nervous. I do a lot of public speaking as a hobby so gave some advice but kind of stopped myself as I didn't want to get into a really long conversation on our first discussion after 2 months. Today she messages me again with more questions about it. Not sure whether she is genuinely scared and needs my advice or whether she is using this as bait to have a reason to keep speaking and if so, what does that mean? What do you reckon? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Not sure whether she is genuinely scared and needs my advice or whether she is using this as bait to have a reason to keep speaking and if so, what does that mean? What do you reckon? She may be genuinely scared and looking for support but if these little conversations are affecting you, then you both need to stop communicating. What does it matter if it is bait -- she wants a baby and you don't so bait or not, it's a dead end. This is why NC is important when people choose to break up. One, you can't be friends and support one another because it's too emotional. Two, it causes confusion and prolongs pain when one is still hopeful. Three, it doesn't allow one to reach some level of emotional/mental clarity after an ending. Link to post Share on other sites
shydad Posted October 12, 2018 Share Posted October 12, 2018 things were good between us but she wanted a baby very quickly and I thought it was too soon, so she announced that she thought she should probably do it on her own Hi Bryony999, I guess if you agreed to be her friend, then you should be her friend? The quoted portion is what really struck me. Things were going well and you both want the same thing, just one sooner than the other. I don't understand why this isn't a solvable problem. What am I missing here? Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted October 19, 2018 Share Posted October 19, 2018 I don't buy it. She leaves because she wants a baby but now is stressing about 1000 person conference. Sounds like she is quite busy with her career, funny that. Seriously, if she was into you enough, she wouldn't have left. Yes the kid vs no kid thing can be a deal breaker but if the love was genuine, it would have taken a lot more back and forth to end the relationship. It may have been a partial reason but it to me it sounds more like blame shifting and a bit of gas lighting. Be very careful of such people, their actions can be destructive. Sometimes it isn't intentional (it is just the way they are) but that doesn't mean it hurts any less. I would personally cut off contact with her. Or you will just enable this type of behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 24, 2018 Share Posted October 24, 2018 By bait do you mean breadcrumbs? I don't see where the impasse has resolved. She still wants a baby & you don't. Right now all you are is the public speaking coach. Since you agreed to be friends, give her the benefit of your expertise but don't assume that means reconciliation. Link to post Share on other sites
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