I want her back so bad. can i?

[Robert.h]

We were together for 4 years but known each other for closer to 5. I was going to propose.

We had our ups and downs but I was smitten by her. and for a long time she was absolutely in love with me. we moved in together for 3 years, had a life and animals together.

 

In the last 6 to 8 months of our relationship we fought more and more. I take most of the blame for being moody and stupid most of the time but I never stopped loving her. over the course of that 8 months we took one "break" because she "loved me but wasn't IN love with me" but we decided to try and make it work. but I could see she struggled with it. she would come and see me at work and we would go to dinner together and have a great time but she was apprehensive.

 

Eventually she walked in the door one night and said "I'm not happy anymore. I cant do this so I'm leaving"

I resorted to begging because this girl is my life, to which I now regret because she loved the prideful man I was, and now I don't know wether theres any chance of getting her back.

 

I told myself i'd wait 3 to 6 months and hopefully she will miss me and ill message her out of the blue and say "hey, I hope you're doing well. wanna go get a coffee or something?" and that might trigger the spark but I cant wait. I miss her everyday

Every moment.

No other girl is even close to how beautiful or perfect she is.

We had such a connect and I know It isn't gone, despite her saying she didn't love me in anger, and I need to make this work, no matter what.

 

I know theres no definitive answer for this but I was hoping some people might share with me their experiences in this area with success stories similar to how mine are going.

 

I don't have a lot I'm proud of in life but she is the one thing i've ever truly cared about and would climb mountains to be with

[preraph]

To me, it sounds like she hasn't felt it was working for her for a long time, but she cared enough to try a little longer. That didn't work. She couldn't get the feeling back. I'm sure she cares about you, but it was a strain for her towards the end because her feeling just isn't there anymore.

 

You can't make someone reunite. I assume you already tried to fix the stuff you were doing on your end during the second go-round. It's not that easy to just fix yourself overnight, though, and it usually breaks down eventually.

 

It shouldn't be hard to be together, not that hard. It should be more fun than hard. To her, this hasn't been fun and she wants to be happy. I'm sorry.

[Robert.h]

But what about the future?

People grow and change and things are left in the past all the time.

What if 6 to 12 months passes and weve both done a lot of growing?

 

There has to be a chance?

[Mardelis]

Sorry buddy sometimes there aren't any more chances. The relationship crashed and burned over a period of months and it was only during that time that you could have possible made changes and salvaged it. Things are way beyond that. It's always possible that you could reconnect in the future, and she could see changes that you made over a period of years and want back in but the odds are extremely low that will happen so don't wait around hoping for it. Focus on yourself and other people, fix what's broken within yourself and keep an open mind for future possibilities but again don't expect anything. Respect her wishes and leave her alone. She will find you if she has a change of mind at some future time.

[Marc878]

But what about the future?

People grow and change and things are left in the past all the time.

What if 6 to 12 months passes and weve both done a lot of growing?

 

There has to be a chance?

 

Wishful thinking on your part won't fix this. You are probably projecting your feelings onto her. I love her So she has to love me.

 

Nope, her actions tell you her fellings. Living on hopium will just keep you down longer.

 

I doubt you'll listen like most in your situation but it is what it is.

[d0nnivain]

But what about the future?

People grow and change and things are left in the past all the time.

What if 6 to 12 months passes and weve both done a lot of growing?

 

There has to be a chance?

 

Of course there is a chance but there is also a chance you will win the lottery. I think the lottery odds are better, though.

 

Even when things were bad, you still thought they were OK. She did not. That break was your 2nd chance. It didn't work. This is permanent.

 

Your idea o reach out in a few months will not be met with the reaction you seek -- her having missed you & being willing to try again. Her reaction is going to be closer to Oh, no. Not him again. When will he take the hint & go away for good?

 

 

It's good that you plan on growing & changing over the course of the next few months. You are correct that she will grow & change too. However, you are growing & changing in different directions & those changes push you farther way from each other, not closer together.

 

 

You have to fix yourself for you, not her. You have to be the person you are supposed to be -- your best self -- so you can find your partner. It's not her.

[ExpatInItaly]

But what about the future?

People grow and change and things are left in the past all the time.

What if 6 to 12 months passes and weve both done a lot of growing?

 

There has to be a chance?

 

All the time?

 

I can't name very many couples who took a break, then broke up, then reunited and actually stayed together. I know several who have attempted a reconciliation, but in my experience, these second attempts rarely last. It happens occasionally, of course, but it's just not that likely. In 6 - 12 months, this is a chapter that will probably be well behind her, emotionally-speaking. She gave it a shot already, coming back together after the break. It didn't work for her.

 

What was making you so moody in the last few months of the relationship, and what were the fights about?