continue no contact? moving away from her in 2 weeks?(my first post)

[kiwibrown76]

OK hers the thing, I'm almost 20, she's 19. When we were together we were unseperable. Until college. Then we pretty much were together on weekends. I love her with all my heart and a month and a few days ago she said she doesn't know if she still does. Now in the past month we have stayed in contact as usual...talked at least twice a day, even saw each other almost every day. But seeing her didn't help. I wanted to be her boyfriend still, not her best friend.

 

So for the past month I'm dying constantly and eventually looked for some outside source to help me understand myself. LOVESHACK! You guys are totally awesome. anyway so I read posts and find I'm not the only one going through this! I read and read and suck it all in and decided to go no contact. Plus I am moving to North Carolina in 2 weeks, and once I do that I will most likely not see her for 6 months.

 

I tried this twice before, no contact I mean, but it didn't work...I caved. This time we talked like normal the other morning and i felt happy, then we got off the phone and i felt the black sadness of my broken soul. So i got on here again and read and read and finally decided i have to stick with it. So she calls that afternoon...leaves a message hoping I'm doing well. She calls that night...leaves a message saying she hopes I'm OK and b/c i didn't call her back she doesn't know if I am still talking to her or not. Yesterday afternoon calls...leaves a message saying her MRI went well nothing wrong with her and that if I am not talking to her at least call and tell her I'm not going to be talking to her. Last night she leaves me and IM on aim saying pretty much the same thing except this time she said...I understand if you don't want to talk to me but please call so I can at least tell you goodbye...goodbye?....goodbye?

 

NORTH CAROLINA!...I am leaving in 2 weeks and I would like to be able to say goodbye bc I still love her and I know it is still there for me in her too, but i know seeing her will make it that much harder. I mean I know she still loves me b/c it has only been 2 days or less of no contact and she is already flipping out. The question is do I stay strong until I'm actually gone. Or do I see her again before I go? When I go I do plan to phone her on a regular basis I think...but maybe not. See I'm still a bit crazy over this whole thing and before she had complete control bc i was the one on my knees...she didn't know it but she was playing a game with me. I know her better than she knows herself and thats why I don't think she was messing with me on purpose. Anyway for the past 2 days I just stopped the game completely and it seems to have some effect. Maybe not exactly what I want her to say but still an effect. My sister told me told me to not talk to her until her message says "Jacob I really need to see you" or "Please see me Jacob I really need you to talk to me." or "Jacob, I love you miss you and wan't you back." but until then nooo dice.

 

What do yall think?

 

Jacob.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by watjacobson

My sister told me told me to not talk to her until her message says "Jacob I really need to see you" or "Please see me Jacob I really need you to talk to me." or "Jacob, I love you miss you and wan't you back." but until then nooo dice.

 

What do yall think?

 

Jacob.

 

 

Hi Jacob! Welcome to the Shack.

 

Congrats on being strong - you're already seeing the results. Your sister has a good point, but it might not be wise to let it go that far. It would be cruel to let her get too desperate. Also, she may give up before this point, which would not serve your purpose.

 

When you do speak, be strong and calm. Just say you've been busy and thinking. Be a little mysterious and a little evasive.

 

Btw, this may well work for getting her back - whether it's a good long term decision is another matter.

[mixwell]

just answer the next time she calls and let her know that you are moving to NC.. no big deal... i think moving away is pretty much going to ruin any chance of getting back together.. I mean she might decide to be wit you until you move or whatever but i dont know.. what state are you living in right now ?

[kiwibrown76]

I live in Austin as does she, my dad got me a PA job on the set of a TV show he's filming in Wilmington NC. I have to be there on the 20th. I admit the main reason I'm going is that it will help, I think, to get over her...not to mention a great learning experience. Any way it has been a few days since I started my post and the 4th day of no contact. She is calling 3 times a day and leaving messages but they arent the ones I wan't to hear. If she changed her mind somehow and felt like working through this with me then I would not have to go...or I would not go for that long...I can leave when ever I wan't.

 

We have been dating for 2 1/2 years and I don't understand how she can just leave everything we had behind to try to "experience dating toher people". I know I am slowly freezing over my heart and although she seems to get the picture I'm not answering her calls or calling her...she keeps calling 3 times every day. Why would she call if she didn't have feelings for me still. And why is she not more upset that I'm leaving (i told her)? At least she seems OK with it. Man I sometimes feel better when I am with my friends but that is also hard bc they are all her friends she met in college who oddly enough were my friends through high school. She has been hanging out with the friends she had in high school who are def. not helping my or her situation...they are much like the girls in mean girls. Anyway I guess all I can do is let her do her thing and try to do mine and keep trying to push her out of my heart. I constantly think there will be someone else, there will be someone else eventually, but I know deep down I'm still way too far from being over Caroline to even consider another girl...not to mention when ever I meet a new girl I find myself to be completely uniterested just like while I was still dating Caroline. I don't know I guess I'm just venting now but I haven't talked to her in 4 days I know she knows now I'm avoiding her and her messages are sad but I'm happy she is even calling. I don't know, it has been a month and a few weeks and I'm still stuck in this mode...the kind of mode that makes you listen to nothing but radiohead 24/7. They are awesome and inredibly depressing which for some odd reason helps in times like these. OK thats all I think I can sa for now...thanks for your replies.

[kiwibrown76]

OK everyone it is day 7 of NC and my little sisters 15 and 17 have a dance party at my moms house tonight. I was supposed to hang around and make sure everything is cool w/o my mom having to be there. Anyway half way through the party some one taps me on the shoulder. I turn around. Boom. My ex! I was shocked. My sisters both were also very much surprised and bummed out bc she hasn't seen them in a month and a half and they know she has hurt me. So I take my ex. up stairs to my old room and we just talk for a long long long time...then we cry...then laugh...then jam the bends on vynll by radiohead (amazing album when you are depressed). All that was good times and a great last time to see her before I left for north carolina. But heres the thing...she told me she realizes the mistakes shes made and she doesn't even know who she has been for the past month and why she was doing certain things. Then I walk her to her car and we hug a lot. As I turn to walk back into the house she pulls me back and kisses me. This was the best kiss we have had in a long time. The kind that tickles your chest and brings quiet tears to your eyes. I told her to call me when she gets home to make sure she doesn't fall asleep and die or something. She makes it home fine. She calls me crying and tells me she really came to tell me she still loves me and wishes she did't do the things she did to me and wan'ts to be with me again. I told her I will try to work things out with her when I get back from north carolina. I said if she waits for me...and I mean really waits for me for those 6 months than when i get back we will start a new relationship or at least see what we can do. Once she figures things out. We say our goodbye's and I go to sleep.

 

I know we aren't dating right now but at least I was right about how she felt about me. Not only that I also am not giving up a job for her and I have given her the responsibility of the future of our relationship. Which is fine because if she want's me she will have to prove it now.