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Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 12th August 2018, 2:49 AM   #1
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Wasn’t sure where to put this

I’m not interested in dating this person again, but the last time we spoke (she reached out after a year to “see how I was doing”..), letting me know she’d gotten engaged. I wished her well, and let her know I was happier and seeing someone too.

About a week ago I received an email from her:
Subject line was Hey and congrats

“Hey "my name"
I hope you are doing well. I caught a glimpse that you published your book and just wanted to say congrats. Will you write more?
I hope summer is treating you well.
Cheers
Her name”

I recently published a collection of short stories, which she used to read while we were dating.

After receiving her email, I popped over to her Facebook and noticed she had gotten married (doesn’t bother me, I’m completely over her), so I’m curious why she’d be reaching out again, when we haven’t seen each other in about four years, or spoken in probably a year, at least.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 12th August 2018 at 12:05 PM..
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Old 12th August 2018, 3:51 AM   #2
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Exes are sometimes curious about each other, plain and simple. It doesn't have to mean something more.

She saw some news about you, thought she'd see how you are. That's all there is to it, I imagine.
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Old 12th August 2018, 4:33 AM   #3
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She reached out because it was a huge achievement and she wanted to congratulate you on your success.

In short, she's really happy for you and wanted to tell you so. Most rational people who have rational exes still have goodwill towards them.

Last edited by basil67; 12th August 2018 at 4:35 AM..
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Old 12th August 2018, 6:13 AM   #4
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I wouldn't reply but.

If its truly from a good place and "good will", she will be fine if you don't respond.
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Old 12th August 2018, 9:55 AM   #5
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I think a simple “thank you” is all you need to say. Congratulations by the way, that is exciting to publish a book!
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Old 13th August 2018, 3:41 AM   #6
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I spoke with her this afternoon.

Despite saying last time we spoke, that we shouldn’t continue communication, she decided to reach out to congratulate me.

I don’t really understand this thought process. When my ex became pregnant (the closest thing I could equate with publishing a collection of short stories - not close at all, I understand, but the closest in my lifetime to date) I had no intention or interest in contacting my ex. I didn’t care. I was over her completely, and it was almost as if a stranger had given birth.

So I ask again, why would she be reaching out?

Last edited by Sm12345; 13th August 2018 at 3:47 AM..
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Old 13th August 2018, 6:31 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sm12345 View Post
I spoke with her this afternoon.

Despite saying last time we spoke, that we shouldn’t continue communication, she decided to reach out to congratulate me.

I don’t really understand this thought process. When my ex became pregnant (the closest thing I could equate with publishing a collection of short stories - not close at all, I understand, but the closest in my lifetime to date) I had no intention or interest in contacting my ex. I didn’t care. I was over her completely, and it was almost as if a stranger had given birth.

So I ask again, why would she be reaching out?
Same answer as before, OP.

She isn't you. You cannot assume she has the same thought process you do in contacting each other; she obviously doesn't, actually.

But if you spoke to her, why didn't you ask her? What do you want it to mean?
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Old 13th August 2018, 6:43 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sm12345 View Post
I spoke with her this afternoon.

Despite saying last time we spoke, that we shouldn’t continue communication, she decided to reach out to congratulate me.

I don’t really understand this thought process. When my ex became pregnant (the closest thing I could equate with publishing a collection of short stories - not close at all, I understand, but the closest in my lifetime to date) I had no intention or interest in contacting my ex. I didn’t care. I was over her completely, and it was almost as if a stranger had given birth.

So I ask again, why would she be reaching out?
Ditto what Expat wrote...and my previous answer still stands.

What you might do in the circumstances of a breakup have no bearing on what others may think or do. I wouldn't hesitate to congratulate an ex on a great achievement.
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Old 13th August 2018, 9:52 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sm12345 View Post
I spoke with her this afternoon.

Despite saying last time we spoke, that we shouldn’t continue communication, she decided to reach out to congratulate me.

I don’t really understand this thought process. When my ex became pregnant (the closest thing I could equate with publishing a collection of short stories - not close at all, I understand, but the closest in my lifetime to date) I had no intention or interest in contacting my ex. I didn’t care. I was over her completely, and it was almost as if a stranger had given birth.

So I ask again, why would she be reaching out?
Not everyone gets over an ex like they just another person (a stranger)

I was dumped about 3 years ago. I loved her. We didn't speak for a long time and then she started reaching out for almost an entire year. I didn't wish to respond so I let it go. I don't see her a stranger but. She's a significant part of my life but I've just blanked her out in my mind as best I can.

I think your just wanting validation here that she still cares on some level. That way, you can convince yourself she made the wrong decision. Which is somewhat odd given that you just said this person is a stranger to you.

If this person is a stranger and you don't care at all, why the post? And if your response is "I'm just bored and curious". Then you have your answer regarding why your Ex also contacted you.
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Old 13th August 2018, 9:54 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
I wouldn't hesitate to congratulate an ex on a great achievement.
What if you had cheated on them? Surely then, you'd just be best letting sleeping dogs lie.
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