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How did you get her back


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I wont go into all the details... but at this point there is no communication, broke up over a year ago, we are both in our 50's and were looking to get married to each other.

 

 

I have looked all over this forum and all I see is examples of not getting her back.... there has to be some success stories

 

 

for the guys....what did you do to successfully get her back?

 

for the ladies...what did he do to win you back?

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I wont go into all the details... but at this point there is no communication, broke up over a year ago, we are both in our 50's and were looking to get married to each other.

 

 

I have looked all over this forum and all I see is examples of not getting her back.... there has to be some success stories

 

 

for the guys....what did you do to successfully get her back?

 

for the ladies...what did he do to win you back?

 

The best thing you can do to heal (and also ironically for your chances with her) is to move on. Really. Women can't love a man they don't respect. You don't win respect by pursuing someone. Winning someone that way is for the movies. Real life isn't like that. You win them back by making them miss you and showing you are strong enough to move on. Sure, your chances are not great either way - but they are a darn sight greater than if you pursue her.

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I have a few other posts where I was asking for opinions and I'm starting to realize that everything on this forum seems to just be negative.

It seems all you get is "He/she is terrible for you, move on".

 

Sometimes it may be valid however I have yet to see a thread where that's not the answer.

 

I think it's a problem with dating in general in this age. People take the easy road of just giving up instead of actually trying to work things out.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

Impossible to answer without knowing the reasons for the split. Did you cheat? Beat her? Commit a felony and go to jail?

 

Or did you two just grow apart and stop paying attention to each other? Context matters when it comes to stuff like this.

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I have a few other posts where I was asking for opinions and I'm starting to realize that everything on this forum seems to just be negative.

It seems all you get is "He/she is terrible for you, move on".

 

Sometimes it may be valid however I have yet to see a thread where that's not the answer.

 

I think it's a problem with dating in general in this age. People take the easy road of just giving up instead of actually trying to work things out.

 

yes yes yes... I said that in my post... everything here seems totally negative... when I said I loved her it was forever... why are people so quick to give up and give the same advice. Hell,,,, I waited my whole life for her, I can certainly stick it out longer than this..

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Impossible to answer without knowing the reasons for the split. Did you cheat? Beat her? Commit a felony and go to jail?

 

Or did you two just grow apart and stop paying attention to each other? Context matters when it comes to stuff like this.

 

no there was no cheating... my failure was that I struggled financially and could no longer support us...

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CautiouslyOptimistic
no there was no cheating... my failure was that I struggled financially and could no longer support us...

 

Do you feel like she was unfairly judging you for that? Were your financial hardships because of poor decisions on your part or because of job loss/illness, etc.? Does she earn money on her own?

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Do you feel like she was unfairly judging you for that? Were your financial hardships because of poor decisions on your part or because of job loss/illness, etc.? Does she earn money on her own?

 

partly not my fault ,,, my business just failed after 7 years

 

but also my fault,,, bad money decisions and did not get off my ass fast enough to go out and get a job in my industry.

 

 

but again,, I am looking for things that have worked for others to either get her back or if you were the one that got won back over

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CautiouslyOptimistic
partly not my fault ,,, my business just failed after 7 years

 

but also my fault,,, bad money decisions and did not get off my ass fast enough to go out and get a job in my industry.

 

 

but again,, I am looking for things that have worked for others to either get her back or if you were the one that got won back over

 

 

Well, my ex-husband got me back by simply being much nicer to me than he was when we were married. Going out of his way to show kindness and be helpful with our kids, asking me if I needed help with anything in my apartment, and telling me he was divorcing his new wife because he never loved her and still loved me.

 

All fake. Getting back with him was the biggest mistake of my life.

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isolatedgothic

I am like you - in my 50s, waited for 30 years to be with him again, and once we were together, he did everything he could to destroy the beautiful love we had.

 

Have you watched the movie "Fireproof"? It's religious-based, so you might not like it. However, it had me in tears, and if my guy were to come back and do the things outlined in the movie, I'd take him back with open arms.

 

There is a 40 day love dare challenge that I think you can download from the internet. I think if my ex were to do these things faithfully each day, I'd be won over. However, he cheated, he lied extensively, and he was verbally abusive, so we don't have a chance anymore. If you didn't do those things, then I don't see why you couldn't try.

 

Love is work. I say go for what you want. Otherwise, you'll be 95 years old some day on your death bed and wishing you'd tried one more time.

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I am like you - in my 50s, waited for 30 years to be with him again, and once we were together, he did everything he could to destroy the beautiful love we had.

 

Have you watched the movie "Fireproof"? It's religious-based, so you might not like it. However, it had me in tears, and if my guy were to come back and do the things outlined in the movie, I'd take him back with open arms.

 

There is a 40 day love dare challenge that I think you can download from the internet. I think if my ex were to do these things faithfully each day, I'd be won over. However, he cheated, he lied extensively, and he was verbally abusive, so we don't have a chance anymore. If you didn't do those things, then I don't see why you couldn't try.

 

Love is work. I say go for what you want. Otherwise, you'll be 95 years old some day on your death bed and wishing you'd tried one more time.

 

Oh thank you. I saw that movie with kirk Cameron. Should watch it again.

And you got it. I do not want to think what if I tried one last time.

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What have you tried? Why has communication stopped? What was the last communication like?

 

I sent her a deep apology email. She responded to stop the contact.

 

That was about DEC last year.

 

I've tried to send her things to remind her of the good times.

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partly not my fault ,,, my business just failed after 7 years

 

but also my fault,,, bad money decisions and did not get off my ass fast enough to go out and get a job in my industry.

 

Did the two of you fight over this when you were together? Were you aware that she was unhappy during or considering leaving during that time? If so, what did you do while you were still together to try and address the issues?

 

Had you sorted yourself out before she left?

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I sent her a deep apology email. She responded to stop the contact.

 

That was about DEC last year.

 

I've tried to send her things to remind her of the good times.

 

I'm sorry John. My ex did that to me after I left him. Receiving romantic words and gestures from someone I no longer loved made me feel ill.

 

I know you're finding a lot of negative feedback, but that's because most of our experiences have been that you can't get someone back who doesn't want to come back.

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I sent her a deep apology email. She responded to stop the contact.

 

That was about DEC last year.

 

I've tried to send her things to remind her of the good times.

 

A lot of people come to LS in pain to basically be told what they want to hear and to only be given hope and positivity, but truth, even hard ones, when you accept them, make your life far easier than carrying on a fantasy for years.

 

Love is freely given and has to be mutual and reciprocal. You tried many times to reach out and she has explicitly asked that you stop. Continuing after someone has asked you to stop is not romantic or free will love but force, coercion and harassment. Do you really want to be with someone you've basically harassed into it?

 

It's been 2 years and she's been clear. It sucks. But at this point are you going to wait until 5 years to stop or would you rather let go and accept that you can live and love again with someone else and your last chance isn't an ex who doesn't want to be with you.

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Impossible to answer without knowing the reasons for the split. Did you cheat? Beat her? Commit a felony and go to jail?

 

Or did you two just grow apart and stop paying attention to each other? Context matters when it comes to stuff like this.

 

Ironically, chances seem to be better with the former situations than the latter.

 

People here speak from experience. While not true in 100% of cases, once a woman falls out of love with you, it is usually final and irreversible.

 

Anything you do, short of moving on, will just push them further away.

 

It’s easy for people to say move on, but once you are in your 40s and 50s, it is much more difficult to find someone. First, there are a lot less options, second, you are a lot more set in your ways and tend to know exactly what you do and do not want.

 

Unfortunately, all you can do is move forward.

 

The sad thing is, if she ever comes back, you won’t want her anymore.

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Ironically, chances seem to be better with the former situations than the latter.

 

People here speak from experience. While not true in 100% of cases, once a woman falls out of love with you, it is usually final and irreversible.

 

Anything you do, short of moving on, will just push them further away.

 

It’s easy for people to say move on, but once you are in your 40s and 50s, it is much more difficult to find someone. First, there are a lot less options, second, you are a lot more set in your ways and tend to know exactly what you do and do not want.

 

Unfortunately, all you can do is move forward.

 

The sad thing is, if she ever comes back, you won’t want her anymore.

 

All star true. She has moved on. It’s time for me too also. I’ll find someone better.

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All star true. She has moved on. It’s time for me too also. I’ll find someone better.

 

You will brother.

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John, for me there are two types of ex's. One type I will never get back together with, no matter what he does, makes no difference. And the other type. Of the ones I'd consider getting back together with, some will need to do a lot, some needs to do little more than say so.

It is not fair. There is no fairness, no logic, no rules. It's already that way while in the relationship. With some men I'm more critical, with others, he can do no wrong and I'd forgive a thousand times. So unfair, right?

I think you should only try to be with a woman who is your ally, anything less makes the relationship pointless anyway. A woman who's fundamentally your ally, will tell you what you need to do (if she knows what she needs) because she wants you to succeed.

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Ironically, chances seem to be better with the former situations than the latter.

 

People here speak from experience. While not true in 100% of cases, once a woman falls out of love with you, it is usually final and irreversible.

 

The sad thing is, if she ever comes back, you won’t want her anymore.

 

True. If people have feelings for the other person no matter what they do, they will be forgive and the relationship can continue (cheating, abuse, lies etc).

 

If one partner has lost feelings, tough luck with that. Even if you were the most wonderful partner in the world, you will be dropped like a hot potato....

 

There is no logic. ugh..

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