mgth Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 (edited) Hi All, So i was in a relationship with my girlfriend for 10 months. Knew each other for a while before started dating. First 8 months were fantastic, with strong love, commitment, shared future plans together. In the last 2/3 months, more personal insecurities,self-esteem, fears, abandonment issues of mine from my past would sometimes come in and effect our relationship at times. Other than that, we had 0 other issues and I was seeing a professional to work on these. She started to say she was unhappy, and she started detaching from me-only making these issues worse because I started to fear the worst. She only ever said that were committed and things would get better. Eventually to my surprise she broke up with me one day. said we need to work on ourselves, that shes thought of other alternatives and this was the best one. That she was unhappy and needed time and space apart, that she doesn't love me romantically anymore. But that she doesn't know the future and maybe in the future .we talked briefly the following day and she said we shouldnt talk at all. She then deletes all photos of me, and my friend tells me shes on a dating app a week later. 1 week post I send a message saying Id like to talk briefly and Ive been able to reflect, nothing else. I was ignored. Thinking time would help i send a similar message 1month and the same thing happens but i am also blocked and deleted from social media after. It has been 6weeks now, and I want her to be happy. But I also know the potential and what we had, so I would like to communicate with her. It has been difficult to get over, as I also had lots of future dreams with her. I would like to contact her apologizing just saying that I am sorry for letting these issues of mine affect the relationship, and that I have become a better person from all of this. My question is, should I send an email like that? Or should I wait until if she contacts me one day (which may never happen judging by recent actions)? Any advice on this would be great-What I should do or what an objective opinion is on the whole situation. Thank you. Edited June 19, 2018 by mgth Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 You are chasing. Look what it got you. More chasing will just result in more of what you've gotten. Stop projecting your feelings onto her. It's not there on her end 1 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Sorry you are hurting OP. I'm not sure how your issues were affecting your relationship but if they were manifesting in jealous, angry, controlling behaviour then your ex really did make the best call for both of you. Spend this time getting healthy so that you can have the possibility of a long healthy relationship with the next girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 It has been 6weeks now, and I want her to be happy. But I also know the potential and what we had, so I would like to communicate with her. . She obviously doesn't feel there's any potential. What makes you right and her wrong? You want her to be happy. She's clearly happier without you. Take your own advice and just leave her alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 It has been 6weeks now, and I want her to be happy. But I also know the potential and what we had, so I would like to communicate with her. It has been difficult to get over, as I also had lots of future dreams with her. I would like to contact her apologizing just saying that I am sorry for letting these issues of mine affect the relationship, and that I have become a better person from all of this. My question is, should I send an email like that? Or should I wait until if she contacts me one day (which may never happen judging by recent actions)? Any advice on this would be great-What I should do or what an objective opinion is on the whole situation. Thank you. The woman has blocked you -- she doesn't see the potential that you see. Those are not the actions of someone that is still invested in you or the past. With all the issues you mentioned -- change doesn't happen in a span of months. I suggest you keep seeing your therapist and focus on your emotional and mental health. Keep moving on with no contact. Prioritize your self-development. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 20, 2018 Share Posted June 20, 2018 What would make you think an email would be well-received after she's ignored you twice, and blocked you? Leave it be, OP. She's already answered you with total silence. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mgth Posted June 22, 2018 Author Share Posted June 22, 2018 Thank you for the responses. They have helped shed some light . I was only thinking of sending an email to apologize from my end for letting my issues affect the relationship. I never did apologize after all of this, and part of me feels it can help saying this. But that is probably me in denial. Not too sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 Leave it alone. She blocked you. That should tell you she doesn't want any contact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 I was only thinking of sending an email to apologize from my end for letting my issues affect the relationship. I never did apologize after all of this, and part of me feels it can help saying this. It will help - you. So write it and put everything you're feeling into the note, and then delete/burn/trash it. You'll find the process cathartic and it will help you move on... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
overcome Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 I've always believed that when a woman's interest level drops below 50%, it's over. Sure you can get back together but I don't believe things will work out in the end. Her interest level dropped. The reasons don't normally matter unless they are obvious like you cheated on her, verbally abusive, physically abusive. More often than not, women just lose interest. They tend to think about their decision weeks in advance and don't make irrational decisions without putting some thought into it. Not all women are like this but from my own understanding and research, that tends to be the case. If your ex had been doing the same and she is below 50%, it's over. I know it sucks and you're in pain. You believe that things could be different and perhaps they could. But that is your belief and may not be shared by her. She has given you all the answers you need in terms of what to do. She has ignored you, blocked you, and not reached out to you on her own. The answer is clear (at least to the readers). Go NC and move on. Take comfort that you tried (if that helps) and there's nothing more you can do. Good luck and stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted July 1, 2018 Share Posted July 1, 2018 Thank you for the responses. They have helped shed some light . I was only thinking of sending an email to apologize from my end for letting my issues affect the relationship. I never did apologize after all of this, and part of me feels it can help saying this. But that is probably me in denial. Not too sure. I'm sorry for what you're going through OP. Don't email her. It'll just piss her off. She ignored you twice. Shows she wants nothing to do with you as much as that hurts to hear. You deserve better for yourself than being ignored. Not sure exactly what went down in the relationship but assuming it was a relatively healthy one, then I can say if she was the girl for you, she would have stuck around. It's going to hurt for long time but it will get better. Block her off of social media and delete her number. Throw her stuff out and carry on with your life. Ps. Journal everyday. Don't format it, don't think about what you want to write..just freewrite your thoughts onto paper and see what comes out. The most effective passages will be the ones where you see who she really is and why things happened. Those will be the passages that'll help you get over this as you can read it whenever you get weak thoughts. - Beach Link to post Share on other sites
cooldude123 Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 Agree wholeheartedly with Beachead responses. You definitely deserve better in life. Someone who respects you, and appreciates for who you are. You have to take things slow. Probably dating new women down the line will help you become pre-occupied and deal with issues in a positive manner. You should not be pursuing anyone *ESEPECIALLY DUMPERS* after they dumped you and are angry at you and the relationship still. Go Dark and NO contact. Don't even contact her even if she reaches out to you. Just ignore or tell her you are busy or may be you have moved on / moving on. If you really matter to her, she will one way or the other find a means of contacting and apologizing to you somehow. Women are smart. They know when to act when they feel threatened especially in relationships. In the meantime just "suck it up" and move on with your life and don't think of her. That will give you a bit of peace for yourself to be pre-occupied with some new things and divert your attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I was only thinking of sending an email to apologize from my end for letting my issues affect the relationship. I never did apologize after all of this, and part of me feels it can help saying this. You only need to apologize to yourself. You feel you ruined it and you wonder what could have been. I think you do know she doesn't want to try again. It takes two to have a relationship. Just because she left you, doesn't mean she's above you or wiser or a better judge. It only feels that way because she has more power. Just because she left you, doesn't mean you are a less worthy person. It only feels that way because you feel punished. Once you forgive your own shortcomings, you can move on. Everyone makes mistakes, so what?! Link to post Share on other sites
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