Is it over or do I have options?

[Bantosm]

I dated a woman who had issues with trust and doubted that I could actually like her. This came while she was stressed with upcoming classes. I didn't really know how to deal with the situation and I made mistakes that fed into her insecurities and she eventually broke up with me convinced I was interested in someone else. I tried talking to her in person and she seemed interested but once we started talking about the issue she always became upset. She found out I asked advice from one of her close friends and sent me message cursing me saying she didn't want to talk anymore. I replied back with a friend's phone and said I loved her.

 

That was 4 months ago. I've dated a few women since but find myself thinking about the prospects of a second chance. I have a hunch that after this time and with classes ending she'd be open to talking and dating now. Yet she told me she didn't want to talk to me even if it was out of anger I have to respect her wishes. Any options?

[Zahara]

Why would you want to revisit a woman that has issues communicating, has trust issues and is bogged down by her own insecurities? I hardly think her classes were the cause of it but likely this is who she truly is.

 

And yes, she broke up with you. It isn't the dumpee's responsibility to win over the dumper. When someone dumps you and wants no contact with you, walk away. It's highly unattractive when you chase a dumper. Respect her request. Give yourself more time to heal and move on. Thoughts of her doesn't justify revisiting a negative situation.

Edited May 18, 2018 by Zahara

[Bantosm]

Why would you want to revisit a woman that has issues communicating, has trust issues and is bogged down by her own insecurities? I hardly think her classes were the cause of it but likely this is who she truly is.

At that time, I had my own share of problems. I wasn't my normal self. From the beginning, I kept bringing up an issue which didn't matter to me and annoyed her. It was only after I made a series of mistakes where her insecurity became an issue. She had a great personality.

And yes, she broke up with you. It isn't the dumpee's responsibility to win over the dumper. When someone dumps you and wants no contact with you, walk away. It's highly unattractive when you chase a dumper. Respect her request. Give yourself more time to heal and move on. Thoughts of her doesn't justify revisiting a negative situation.

There are two instances from my past where I broke up out insecurity because I felt they were interested in someone else only to find out too late I was wrong. Terrible experience. In those instances had they approached me, the dumper to to talk I probably would've similarly ignored or felt irritated but months later that would get my attention and I'd be inclined to listen.

[PegNosePete]

Any options?

Yes you can either

a) Respect her wishes and not talk to her

b) Talk to her and ask for another chance

 

Personally I'd go with a) but then I am of the opinion that if a relationship needs a second chance then it didn't have much of a foundation anyway, and a second chance likely won't work out either.

[Bantosm]

Yes you can either

a) Respect her wishes and not talk to her

b) Talk to her and ask for another chance

 

Personally I'd go with a) but then I am of the opinion that if a relationship needs a second chance then it didn't have much of a foundation anyway, and a second chance likely won't work out either.

I dont have any success at second chance. I tried a few times but usually I didn't have the proper motivation and soon became interested in new women. I'm influenced by a friend's who tried again with dramatic improvements. I made many mistakes that could easily be avoided in a second chance.

 

My main issue is the fact she told me not to talk with her, a choice I must respect or cross the line into harassing and that's something I won't do. When I persue anything I give my all. I can't do that now. I can only hope she approaches me to talk and that seems very doubtful. Unless I approach with speech to try and convince her to give me a second chance it'd be a sure fail.

[bathtub-row]

I think the “all is fair in love” rule might apply here. There’s a way to stick your neck out and possibly not get it chopped off. You can play the cute/humble guy routine and say something like “I know you told me to never talk to you again but I was just wondering if never has ended.” You could also say something along the lines of respecting her wishes if she tells you again to kiss off.

 

You have to be highly motivated and approach this with a slight sense of humor to pull this off. Then you have to mean what you say and respect her wishes. And, most important of all, be gracious if she does tell you to leave her alone. Your response alone will get her thinking and she may return on her own.

 

My experiences with second chances have never been positive but that’s not to say they never work out. I just think it’s rare.

[ItsJustMyOpinion]

Go after her if you feel strongly about her but don't put all your eggs in one basket.

 

Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

[Bantosm]

I think the “all is fair in love” rule might apply here. There’s a way to stick your neck out and possibly not get it chopped off. You can play the cute/humble guy routine and say something like “I know you told me to never talk to you again but I was just wondering if never has ended.” You could also say something along the lines of respecting her wishes if she tells you again to kiss off.

 

You have to be highly motivated and approach this with a slight sense of humor to pull this off. Then you have to mean what you say and respect her wishes. And, most important of all, be gracious if she does tell you to leave her alone. Your response alone will get her thinking and she may return on her own.

 

My experiences with second chances have never been positive but that’s not to say they never work out. I just think it’s rare.

Great post. I've been in conflict with myself. I was motivated for a second chance but at the same I was stuck because of my own moral code. Yet, you explained a couple of points in such a way that my thinking changed enough to get past that issue. Still it took me a few days to fully consider the consequences of an actual attempt before I decided to go ahead and try. I tried yesterday but she wasn't in. I can't recall having so much excitement or anxiety for anything.

[bathtub-row]

Great post. I've been in conflict with myself. I was motivated for a second chance but at the same I was stuck because of my own moral code. Yet, you explained a couple of points in such a way that my thinking changed enough to get past that issue. Still it took me a few days to fully consider the consequences of an actual attempt before I decided to go ahead and try. I tried yesterday but she wasn't in. I can't recall having so much excitement or anxiety for anything.

 

I hope you’ll try again and I hope it works out. Most women are very touched that a man still thinks about her after time has gone by, and that he’s willing to take a risk to get her back.

[Romantic_Antics]

You can play the cute/humble guy routine and say something like “I know you told me to never talk to you again but I was just wondering if never has ended.”

 

I actually like this and can even envision some possible reactions.

 

Like police car sirens and a restraining order.

 

I'm playing. It's a cute line. I'm going to steal it from you in case I ever need it and take all of the credit. Fortunately I've never had an ex tell me to never talk to them again. They do a good enough job of never talking to me again that it hasn't been necessary.