How often do women dumpers come back

[Neruda20]

I posted my own story here, but recently my best friend went through a breakup and asked me question I've been wondering for a while. Namely, how often do women dumpers come back or at least revisit the idea of a relationship with a former partner?

 

Gentlemen, how often has a woman dumper re-entered your life? Ladies, how often have you revisited a relationship with a guy you left? Ladies, if you did not reach out for reconciliation, what was the purpose of the contact? How much time was between the breakup and new contact or even reconciliation?

[d0nnivain]

It's not a gender specific question. Some men come back. Some women come back. It don't think you can make a statistical analysis of this. It varies from person to person & relationship to relationship.

 

When I have been dumped I have been very leery of people who want to come back. I like decisive people. So anybody who wants out then wants to come back should not be automatically trusted. If they dumped you once, it will be very easy for them to do it again.

 

I tried reconciliation twice. The first time lasted a whole month after almost 2 years. Things had been so broken, the trust was gone. We were on pins & needles with each other. It was no longer light & fun. The second time, I was the dumper & reached out after about a year. He didn't even respond which was a blessing in disguise.

[preraph]

In my experience when the woman dumps the guy, she's not coming back. I mean, certainly there's times withing a week or two people fly at each other again after a fight or breakup, but once someone has left, refused contact, been gone a month or more, move on. They can't be that interested.

 

There are some men and women who when feeling sorry for themselves over a different breakup may yank the old ex's strings to try to get some sympathy and validation that someone still cares about them. It's not healthy and I don't recommend doing anything except closing the door on that.

 

If someone dumped you when you were a teen and then ran into you again when you were a more responsible man, they might take up with you again as long as the breakup wasn't too harsh.

[Happy Lemming]

I'm a guy and have had women dumpers reach out to me a few times.

 

When I get dumped by a woman, I go FULL NO CONTACT. I don't know if that is a factor in them contacting me or not. My guess is that they were curious as to why I didn't ask for a second chance or reach out to them.

 

Personally, I've never reached out to a woman I dumped, though.

[HiCrunchy]

I think it's more of a feelings thing. If the dumper still have feelings it is a possibility they might want to come back. But if they dump u and are sure about their choice and have thought things through, then no dice.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm a woman and have never, ever pursued someone I've dumped for another shot. So 100% it has never happened. I'd say the opposite is not at all true. Close to 90% of men doing the dumping OR being dumped by me have always tried to reconcile. Last night as I was falling asleep and feeling annoyed by my texts I counted a total of at least 6 men who are texting me who are annoying the hell out of me because I am not into them, but too nice to tell them to eff off. Almost all of them I've dated before. (Two are high school friends I never dated but we are back in touch due to Facebook)

 

I think women just are sure about what they want more than men are. For some reason, men have trouble believing that/relating to that/understanding that. They think women are lying when they say they don't want a relationship (I just had this text conversation with an ex tonight....does it make men feel better to accuse women of lying when they say they just want to be single??)

[Neruda20]

I'm a woman and have never, ever pursued someone I've dumped for another shot. So 100% it has never happened. I'd say the opposite is not at all true. Close to 90% of men doing the dumping OR being dumped by me have always tried to reconcile. Last night as I was falling asleep and feeling annoyed by my texts I counted a total of at least 6 men who are texting me who are annoying the hell out of me because I am not into them, but too nice to tell them to eff off. Almost all of them I've dated before. (Two are high school friends I never dated but we are back in touch due to Facebook)

 

I think women just are sure about what they want more than men are. For some reason, men have trouble believing that/relating to that/understanding that. They think women are lying when they say they don't want a relationship (I just had this text conversation with an ex tonight....does it make men feel better to accuse women of lying when they say they just want to be single??)

 

From your experience, why do women dumpers reach out after a period of time? Why reconnect? I don't understand the purpose of that unless it's for reconciliation.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

From your experience, why do women dumpers reach out after a period of time? Why reconnect? I don't understand the purpose of that unless it's for reconciliation.

 

Because they miss the attention.

[Neruda20]

Because they miss the attention.

 

But you stated the attention is annoying from your experience. I don't understand why seek attention that's only going to annoy you later.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

But you stated the attention is annoying from your experience. I don't understand why seek attention that's only going to annoy you later.

 

Well, I'm not the type that likes attention to begin with. Maybe the woman you're talking about is. We're not all made from the same mold .

[marky00]

From your experience, why do women dumpers reach out after a period of time? Why reconnect? I don't understand the purpose of that unless it's for reconciliation.

 

Female dumpers ALWAYS reach out but it is NEVER for a good reason. Ego stroke, relieve guilt, appear to not be horrible person etc.

 

Not sure why but it seems women can't stand it when someone hates them.

 

After nuking a relationship and burning all bridges, strange they would care if someone hated them

[marky00]

But you stated the attention is annoying from your experience. I don't understand why seek attention that's only going to annoy you later.

 

They want to know you still care but yes your right, they don't want to follow through on anything. They want to know you care but shortly after that, expect them to disappear again.

[marky00]

They think women are lying when they say they don't want a relationship (I just had this text conversation with an ex tonight....does it make men feel better to accuse women of lying when they say they just want to be single??)

 

I've had exes tell me as they dumped me they wanted to be single. Then within a few days the photos pop up of them with another guy.

 

Sure, some women do mean it when they say they want to be single. But quite a few will use that as line because it is less hurtful than telling someone you couldn't care if they died in a ditch on the side of the road.

[marky00]

As for the time frame, the sweet spot for a female dumper contacting you is around the 6 month mark. By then they have healed and moved on but it is still a short enough time frame for them to attempt to patch things up (which of course is futile).

[somanymistakes]

I dumped him.

 

We stayed in touch.

 

More than ten years later I finally told him I still loved him and wanted him back.

 

It does happen.

[marky00]

I dumped him.

 

We stayed in touch.

 

More than ten years later I finally told him I still loved him and wanted him back.

 

It does happen.

 

LOL

 

That's a pretty rare occurrence.

 

Key point is you stayed in touch but which implies a somewhat amicable/mutual breakup. It's rare for exes to remain friends and even when it happens, friend zoning usually ends any possibility of a reconciliation.

[HiCrunchy]

The key to getting exes to come back is to make them regret their decision. The best way to do that is by self-improvement. That guy sitting around depressed over his breakup? He won't hear from his ex. The guy that quietly goes to the gym, takes some college classes, picks up an interesting new hobby, or gets promoted at work is the guy that makes women regret breaking up with him. Be that guy.

 

To be fair. Sometimes people never regret their choice no matter now much we improve. You should only make these changes if it is something you want to do.

Sometimes we just have to accept that people come and go in life.

[marky00]

The key to getting exes to come back is to make them regret their decision. The best way to do that is by self-improvement. That guy sitting around depressed over his breakup? He won't hear from his ex. The guy that quietly goes to the gym, takes some college classes, picks up an interesting new hobby, or gets promoted at work is the guy that makes women regret breaking up with him. Be that guy.

 

That approach can actually lead to frustration. I've been in on and off again relationships, like where there was a couple of breakups etc. There was a woman I liked a lot and we did the off and on for a long time. Well, when I was at the peak of my powers and doing very well in all aspects of my life, I was dumped. I wasn't dumped because of who I was then (not possible because as I said, I was doing everything right at the time, working hard, working out, taking care of myself, great self-control etc). I was dumped because she met someone else and because along the way (over many years) her attraction for me dropped. I could have been Tarzan and it would not have mattered.

 

Moving on and striding forward can only achieve so much. A murderer could spend his days reading a bible in jail as opposed to be depressed about what happened but the murder still happened and he he still stays in jail.

 

Most of the time, your best off just accepting its over and they are not coming back.

 

Sure staying composed and not getting depressed would gain you some respect and not make you look even more pathetic but if you are doing things right, they shouldn't even know how your doing. They dumped you, respect their decision and cut them out forever.

[alphamale]

Gentlemen, how often has a woman dumper re-entered your life?

 

exactly zero times

[somanymistakes]

LOL

 

That's a pretty rare occurrence.

 

Key point is you stayed in touch but which implies a somewhat amicable/mutual breakup. It's rare for exes to remain friends and even when it happens, friend zoning usually ends any possibility of a reconciliation.

 

It wasn't a very amicable breakup, no. I was awful.

 

Long story short, he was a great guy and wanted to get married, I had a lot of problems and was afraid that I could never be a good enough wife, so I cheated on him, we broke up, and then I threw myself into a series of terrible relationships with people who would treat me badly so that I wouldn't get too attached to them, all the while insisting to him that I just wanted to be friends.

 

(This is an oversimplification but it gets the point across).

 

I can't recommend that anyone wait around for ten years hoping that their high school sweetheart will finally get her sh*t together, though. Especially given that I'm a walking dramabomb. Do you really want your crazy ex-girlfriend back? Most people wouldn't.

[salparadise]

When women dump it's usually a matter of utility. They've decided you're no longer useful... they've discovered flaws, they're no longer getting the tingly feeling, the ego needs more, the void is not filled. In one sense it's always GIGS. If they suspect someone else could do it better how could they possible be satisfied with status quo, and conversely, if they see you as the magic man they'll slay dragons to protect what they have.

 

This (above) is self-focused, narcissistic attachment. Women who love outwardly, generously, are other-focused, are the fifty-percent who mate for life. They're able to love an imperfect person, are dedicated and resolute.

 

Yes, these are generalizations and are not true for every individual, but for many. The mate shuffling routine is something humans do, always have. Women are more apt to throw away a relationship because on some level they know they can always get another man, and probably one who can put more meat on the table, so to speak. Utility. If after some length of time that assessment changes, they can always circle back.

 

I hate being this cynical.

[somanymistakes]

When women dump it's usually a matter of utility. They've decided you're no longer useful... they've discovered flaws, they're no longer getting the tingly feeling, the ego needs more, the void is not filled.

 

The exact same thing could be said about men shuffling off to the newer shinier hotter sexier (or at least different) girl.

 

The sexes are a lot less different than we like to imagine. Some people are loyal and some aren't.

 

And sometimes it's nothing to do with that at all.

[salparadise]

The exact same thing could be said about men shuffling off to the newer shinier hotter sexier (or at least different) girl.

 

The sexes are a lot less different than we like to imagine. Some people are loyal and some aren't.

 

And sometimes it's nothing to do with that at all.

 

Yes, I agree that men and women are more alike than different. We're all human first. But when we're talking about mating strategies and such, we're focusing on differences. Men and women's motivations diverge significantly in this respect.

 

Most men would probably be happy to get a little side action while remaining committed and keeping things stable. But when women get wanderlust it's not just about sex, it's more holistic and integrated. Many women are sexually attracted to men who offer a lifestyle upgrade. Utility.

[Neruda20]

Many women are sexually attracted to men who offer a lifestyle upgrade. Utility.

 

I am not sure if this holds. My ex left me for a graduate student in education. At the height of his career, he will not be making 1/3 of my base salary in law. His salary is more in line with my bonus. I think it is more about simple attraction waning. Attraction comes and goes in cycles. Psychology 101.

[salparadise]

I am not sure if this holds. My ex left me for a graduate student in education. At the height of his career, he will not be making 1/3 of my base salary in law. His salary is more in line with my bonus. I think it is more about simple attraction waning. Attraction comes and goes in cycles. Psychology 101.

 

Oh, I don't think it always holds true, but often does. Our own experience is larger and more real in our memory, but it's only one datum. We have to look at a lot of data, objectively, to identify a trend (or rule, or generality). I haven't crunched numbers personally.