How I acted scared him away...So I ended it.

[Lisa2]

Hi everyone!

 

I met a guy on tinder, he told me outright that he really liked me - would always tell me every day and compliment me. We got along really well, consistently messaged me and acted like he liked me too...always kept his weekends free for me.

 

On our first date, without me asking, he spoke about how he hated tinder, finds it too much effort and told me he deleted it. But then a week or more afterwards, I saw that his tinder pictures had changed, when I asked him about it he said he doesn't know how. I told him its fine for him to be on tinder, as it was early days, but not to be so full on with me if he’s still looking. - he still denied it and have me a huge speech about how he felt etc.

I said I believed him.

 

After that I had a week of analysing everything he said, lost my trust and went a little crazy at something sooo stupid. - (basically we had to change plans because I was moving, but that meant we had the whole day together instead of the evening as previously planned. He said he was excited to spend the whole day together and then said should we meet in the evening? I didn’t know why he went from all day to evening, my reaction was he was seeing someone else. so STUPIDLY when I was drunk, I messaged him and made a fuss of it. turns out he wanted to give me the day to pack (even though I said i'm my message I’m free for the wholeeeee day - which is why he said he was excited)

 

Anyway, after that drunk spell of madness, I woke in the morning thinking HOLY….NO. So messaged to apologise and asked if we were ok. He made lots of jokes about it but wouldn’t give a full answer so I got wound up again… which he didn’t like. His jokes were his way of saying it was fine, I wasn't sure whether it was avoidence.

 

Later that day he messaged to say he’s hesitant about our date on sat…I miss read it to think he said he wanted to end it. so panic called him (GOD OH GOD) later we chatted, made up and met up on the Saturday in the day. Things just weren’t the same, he was distant and just sexual, I got a little drunk and think I made a fool of myself (goof ball) …..btw we haven’t slept together, mainly because we were both back at our parents so we couldn't.

 

Anyway, afterward the date his messages started to die down and his reasons was he was busy….He’s NEVER busy, the max he usually takes to reply is 5 - 10 mins. So after a couple days of that, a day before Valentines Day I messaged him to say my head isn’t in it anymore, and that his isn’t probably either so its probably best to save the awkward valentine greeting and small talk in a jokey way (because he hates small talk). I explained I had a hectic week of getting a job and having to move and some recent bad news. His reply was ‘are you running away’ so I told him it’s not running away if there’s nothing to run away from. He said he doesn’t know, but it does feel different, and that he too had a mad week also. So I replied, hope you feel better ‘X’ and that was the last I heard.

 

He has watched every one of my instagram stories and always one of the first to see it. So I wonder if maybe there’s still something, and that maybe because I ended things he took offence and won’t likely message again?

 

How would you react if someone ended it, would you eventually regain contact?

 

It’s been three weeks but feels like bloody ages! Should I just wait it out? And hope that he sees I have my life and focus back now I’m working and have my friends around me.

 

I think I need to get myself a cat.

 

Also I'm 28 and he's 26

 

Appreciate any advice!*

 

Thank you

[d0nnivain]

You don't trust him. I don't see where he did anything to make you suspicious other then telling you he deleted Tinder when he didn't. Why you don't trust him doesn't matter as much as you don't. Something about this made you uneasy & that made you act a little crazy. For reasons I don't understand this guy didn't disconnect himself from you on social media so he may still like you but even if you were to get back with him, what will have changed? You will still be the same woman who doesn't trust him. So what will you have gained?

 

I don't see a point in staying connected to him on any platform.

[Lisa2]

Thanks donnivain,

 

I lost my trust because I knew he lied about tinder (photos can't just changed)

There were also some other mini lies he said. But after thinking, I thought perhaps he lied because he thought he'd lose me if I knew....those lies aren't so bad.

 

But you're right, would he just do something else later down the line which makes me question him as well.

 

I don't know if I want this more because I know I can't have him. And because I find it hard to meet someone I'm interested in and who shares my sense of humour.

 

We're still have each other on instagram because he didn't end things badly - it just ended. We've never been horrible to oneanother.

[ExpatInItaly]

I wouldn't bother trying to reconnect with him.

 

He made up some stupid song and dance about how his Tinder profile changed, after he lied about deleting it. Yes, it was early and he was free to keep looking. But then, why bother lying and telling you he deleted it in the first place?

 

Yes, your reactions were over-the-top but I don't think your hesitation about this guy were entirely unfounded. He didn't exactly set the stage for an honest connection.

 

Keep looking for a guy who doesn't lie about minor things in the first place.

[SevenCity]

I wouldn't bother trying to reconnect with him.

 

He made up some stupid song and dance about how his Tinder profile changed, after he lied about deleting it. Yes, it was early and he was free to keep looking. But then, why bother lying and telling you he deleted it in the first place?

 

Yes, your reactions were over-the-top but I don't think your hesitation about this guy were entirely unfounded. He didn't exactly set the stage for an honest connection.

 

Keep looking for a guy who doesn't lie about minor things in the first place.

 

I'm fairly certain tinder has a feature that will rotate your linked Facebook photos.

[Lisa2]

I'm fairly certain tinder has a feature that will rotate your linked Facebook photos.

Hi SevenCity,

 

I reallly looked into it (emailed them to find out) and they will only rotate the photos you already have uploaded to your tinder account according to what they think is best.

 

They'd never take images from FB unless it's to create your profile for the first time.

[preraph]

Well, you probably did scare him plus the trust is off, and I'm just saying that as long as things were never the same after the awkward time, then it was probably going downhill anyway. I mean, if it were all you, I'd say apologize. But why apologize when you are fairly certain he was already lying to you.

[CatMinx]

That is a LOT of drama for someone you've only been out with a few times. You made the right decision ending it.

[Lacey49]

I've learned the hard way that drinking early on and dating do not mix. Like you, I got all paranoid (well...not paranoid because he DID update his profile OLD while we were dating, having sex and talking about a future). But I'd get worked up and if I'd been drinking, text him spiteful things, end things, beg for forgiveness. It was a horrible dynamic not to mention the drinking isn't really a great thing to lean on for anxiety...just makes you do stupid things that makes you even more anxious. I'm now grieving this guy who I really shouldn't grieve, but something about him I really liked...or really wanted. I've been stalking his OLD online but that stops today. I've gone No Contact, and I'm taking a break from the wine while I figure out why I'm so insecure.

[mammasita]

I'd be completely put off as well. Take it as a lesson learned.

 

Don't drunk text and don't jump to conclusions.

[stillafool]

He was probably turned off by you being drunk more than once and going off. He is probably wondering if you have an alcohol problem and most men don't like that in a woman. I would stop drinking if I were you so you can control your emotions.