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Said I wanted just to be friends, now I'm not so sure; do I tell him?


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Old 7th February 2018, 7:58 PM   #1
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Said I wanted just to be friends, now I'm not so sure; do I tell him?

I met a guy on an online dating site about a year ago. We had a great first date, he asked me on a second and I said that I felt no chemistry but would love to be friends. I actually probably wasn't ready to date when I went on that date with him.

Fast forward a year later and I hang out with him and his friends a few times a week and we have all become great friends. Six months ago I wondered whether I had feelings for him... but thought I would wait and see because I didn't want to ruin out friendship. Now I think I definitely do have feelings for him.

Is it worth telling him? I love him as a friend and would hate to lose that. And I feel bad that I had originally rejected him. So should I tell him or ignore how I feel and carry on?
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Old 7th February 2018, 9:42 PM   #2
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If you try to have a romance and it fails, the friendship is likely over. Are you willing to accept that?

Is your example proof for the rest of us skeptics that attraction/chemistry can grow over time?
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Old 7th February 2018, 10:20 PM   #3
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I agree, if it does not work, the friendship is over.

He is not a mind reader.

You told him something in the past. If you want to change the situation, you do need to tell him and why your feelings changed.

good luck.
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Old 8th February 2018, 12:23 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jj66 View Post
If you try to have a romance and it fails, the friendship is likely over. Are you willing to accept that?

Is your example proof for the rest of us skeptics that attraction/chemistry can grow over time?
Some people try to tell me this is the best way people can get into long-term and loving relationships.

I myself have never experienced such a phenomenon but I guess this post proves it can happen.
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Old 8th February 2018, 7:51 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jj66 View Post
If you try to have a romance and it fails, the friendship is likely over. Are you willing to accept that?

Is your example proof for the rest of us skeptics that attraction/chemistry can grow over time?
Not much of a friendship if one party is there secretly wanting more and likely resenting the other person when they are dating somone else.

Op - I say go for it. Guys usually respond better to situations like this over women.
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Old 8th February 2018, 8:54 PM   #6
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What's wrong with just saying when you're out, "You know, the more I get to know you, the better I like you" and see where that conversation leads and how he responds to it. It's not cornering him. It's just saying you really like him now. If he's got an ounce of man in him and he still thinks you're hot, this will at the very least prompt an extra long groping hug at the end of the night that you can then build on. Good luck.
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Old 9th February 2018, 7:16 AM   #7
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The friendship is failed anyways, because she now has feelings for him.
She now has 2 choices, either stay friends and get tormented by seeing him with another girl, or tell him...
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Old 11th February 2018, 8:03 AM   #8
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hey, kholland 64.

Yeah, i think tell him.

tell him you made a mistake to reject him (and why) and ask if he would reconsider things; but also let him know that whatever the outcome, you do value the friendship A LOT; and if he doesn't feel the same way then you don't want to spoil that between you.

if he cant handle that (because it is the truth) then you are not going to go that far anyway as a friend or more. but i think he is going to want you around as a friend even if nothing happens just because you do have a good bond already.

i think you should tell him because you lost your chance once already, and sure if he's not interested or tells you or makes you feel awkward then that's the risk you have to take i guess. but it may simply be that he needs time to think after the rejection when he was into you, so don't rush him and wait if he initially says no. you needed time, he might that's all. (but i think it could be a winner!!!) I'm hoping it is for you.

if you take a risk then you will at least have the truth.

yup, I'm with pre-raph on this one. just be sure to tell him before you go home when youve seen him that day, then you wont have the awkwardness if he says no or interference of others to help him decide or not give you time to talk properly etc.

good luck, and fingers crossed for you. the fact that you kept things going and are friends is a really healthy sign. you sound ready for an adventure...so i just hope he is too!!!!! very best wishes, maxi.
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