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Ex called


Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 2nd February 2018, 8:24 AM   #1
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Ex called

About 2 weeks ago my gf of 18 months told me she wanted to split. She told me she loved me, liked me etc but wanted time apart. During which time we could date. I walked straight out. 2 days later she texted me and told me she loved me, missed me etc so I called her and told her I wanted us to try again and that I was trying to change things she didn't like. I actually made a major change. I got minimal response except her saying she loved me.

I went NC for the last 10 days. I went on 5 dates already. Almost every woman liked me which was a minor ego boost. I'm going on a second date with another one that I really think has potential. I'm a pretty stable guy and I can handle this type of rebound situation I believe.

Last night the ex left me a vm. I could tell she was upset. My intuition is not to call back and maintain NC. I don't really want a flake back anyway. I do want her back but from what I see here if I call back I am going down the rabbit hole. I believe there was a prospective another guy. Maybe he fell through. Who knows.

Just want reassurance that continuing NC is the best move no matter what outcome I really want. If she comes back begging for another chance and a good explanation for what she did - then consider it. The relationship was basically very good in many ways.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 12:47 PM   #2
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I read your other posts and it seems that she just doesn't want to be in a relationship any more because you have young kids. That's the real issue it seems. You can't do much to change that as your kids come first. Maybe you could have found a way to spend more time with her and show her a little more attention? I'm a single guy with no kids and past the stage of wanting to have my own. I tried dating single moms with young kids and it just didn't work for me.

Since you posted this in second chance I'm assuming that you are still very much in love with her and want her back. I suggest you take some time away from dating while you work through this. You may be able to handle a rebound, but not fair to women you date unless you are totally upfront letting them know that you only want casual and not looking for a relationship.

I feel NC is the best so you can have time away from contact and let the emotions die down so you can think more clearly. Right now emotions are too high. When two people both really love each other and see a future together, one doesn't break up when things get tough. You work through it while still together.

Sounds like you're handling it OK considering everything, just don't ask her to get back together again. She already knows you want that. Don't hang around and be her back up. That means NC.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 1:58 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chassmash View Post
About 2 weeks ago my gf of 18 months told me she wanted to split. She told me she loved me, liked me etc but wanted time apart. During which time we could date. I walked straight out. 2 days later she texted me and told me she loved me, missed me etc so I called her and told her I wanted us to try again and that I was trying to change things she didn't like. I actually made a major change. I got minimal response except her saying she loved me.

I went NC for the last 10 days. I went on 5 dates already. Almost every woman liked me which was a minor ego boost. I'm going on a second date with another one that I really think has potential. I'm a pretty stable guy and I can handle this type of rebound situation I believe.

Last night the ex left me a vm. I could tell she was upset. My intuition is not to call back and maintain NC. I don't really want a flake back anyway. I do want her back but from what I see here if I call back I am going down the rabbit hole. I believe there was a prospective another guy. Maybe he fell through. Who knows.

Just want reassurance that continuing NC is the best move no matter what outcome I really want. If she comes back begging for another chance and a good explanation for what she did - then consider it. The relationship was basically very good in many ways.
I'd say that it's bad to hear, but 5 good dates? Nothing bad is happening!

I feel like NC is the way to go, it's a skill that we all should master. Will sound cheesy but if it's meant to be, she'll come back. Actually, she is coming back, but with baby steps, but you want her to run and that's okay. You did well by not agreeing to her conditions, she'd immediately lose all respect she had for you. If you want monogamy, you should be with someone who wants monogamy.

By the way, what's your secret? How do you get so many dates in little time? Help a brother out
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Old 2nd February 2018, 2:04 PM   #4
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Tinder, 6'3, NYC. It's a good combination to get a lot of dates. But it's not much fun. Gets depressing after a while.

I actually went against my own intuition and wrote her a quick text with a generic got your message text. I don't particularly want to be rude. But I'm keeping my distance.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 2:08 PM   #5
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So you decided to go down that rabbit hole. Your brain knows what to do. Listen to it.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 2:14 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by chassmash View Post
Tinder, 6'3, NYC. It's a good combination to get a lot of dates. But it's not much fun. Gets depressing after a while.

I actually went against my own intuition and wrote her a quick text with a generic got your message text. I don't particularly want to be rude. But I'm keeping my distance.
Maybe I'm guilty of being 5'10" and not using Tinder, lol.

This year, I went through a situation. I had to cut contact with this girl because she started ignoring me when I had intense feelings for her. I didn't reply to her texts and didn't answer her phones (she reached out to me 2-3 weeks after). I felt horribly rude about it. When I talked with my friend about this situation, she told me that "You're not being rude, you're just putting her in her place". This answer made me cope with feeling like a POS.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 10:22 PM   #7
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So she just texted me saying that she guesses from my last text I don’t want to talk on the phone.

I really don’t get it. They dump you and then they keep on texting you. It’s like unless they have you on your knees weeping it’s not a real break up.

I would like nothing better then to be in her arms. But there is just no way to accomplish that by being Mr Nice. Probably no way of doing it whatever I do. I was Mr nice and she left me. I suffered for a couple of weeks and now I’m trying to move on.

From what I read here she is just leaving breadcrumbs for me to follow so she can assure herself of my inadequacy or something equally disturbed. Ugh.
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Old 2nd February 2018, 10:45 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chassmash View Post
About 2 weeks ago my gf of 18 months told me she wanted to split. She told me she loved me, liked me etc but wanted time apart. During which time we could date. I walked straight out. 2 days later she texted me and told me she loved me, missed me etc so I called her and told her I wanted us to try again and that I was trying to change things she didn't like. I actually made a major change. I got minimal response except her saying she loved me.

I went NC for the last 10 days. I went on 5 dates already. Almost every woman liked me which was a minor ego boost. I'm going on a second date with another one that I really think has potential. I'm a pretty stable guy and I can handle this type of rebound situation I believe.

Last night the ex left me a vm. I could tell she was upset. My intuition is not to call back and maintain NC. I don't really want a flake back anyway. I do want her back but from what I see here if I call back I am going down the rabbit hole. I believe there was a prospective another guy. Maybe he fell through. Who knows.

Yes, she dumped you to try him out

Just want reassurance that continuing NC is the best move no matter what outcome I really want. If she comes back begging for another chance and a good explanation for what she did - then consider it. The relationship was basically very good in many ways.
No it wasn't she dumped you for someone else. You're projecting your feelings on to her.

You jumped on the first breadcrumb she threw at you. What did it get you?

Do you really want someone who you can't trust? It is part of who she is
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Old 2nd February 2018, 10:50 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by chassmash View Post
So she just texted me saying that she guesses from my last text I donít want to talk on the phone.

I really donít get it. They dump you and then they keep on texting you. Itís like unless they have you on your knees weeping itís not a real break up.

I would like nothing better then to be in her arms. But there is just no way to accomplish that by being Mr Nice. Probably no way of doing it whatever I do. I was Mr nice and she left me. I suffered for a couple of weeks and now Iím trying to move on.

From what I read here she is just leaving breadcrumbs for me to follow so she can assure herself of my inadequacy or something equally disturbed. Ugh.
Because they can. Blocking is easy.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 9:36 AM   #10
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No it wasn't she dumped you for someone else. You're projecting your feelings on to her.

You jumped on the first breadcrumb she threw at you. What did it get you?

Do you really want someone who you can't trust? It is part of who she is


I agree with you.

There were more text communications last night. Her telling me she loves me, misses me, crying. I responded that her proposal for us to date and then maybe get back together wasnít for me and I was moving on although I still loved her also. I was very nice on the text and actually felt relieved when I went to bed. I am not thinking now we will get back together and to be honest I am not sure I want to.

I am proud so far of the way I am dealing with this. No begging, no crying, no irrationality on my part. I accept she has the right to choose what she wants to do and I realize there are plenty of fish in the sea.

And this place is helping me with my sadness.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 10:27 AM   #11
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I agree with you.

There were more text communications last night. Her telling me she loves me, misses me, crying. I responded that her proposal for us to date and then maybe get back together wasnít for me and I was moving on although I still loved her also. I was very nice on the text and actually felt relieved when I went to bed. I am not thinking now we will get back together and to be honest I am not sure I want to.

I am proud so far of the way I am dealing with this. No begging, no crying, no irrationality on my part.

Well ahead of most. This never gets you anything.

I accept she has the right to choose what she wants to do and I realize there are plenty of fish in the sea.

When a door closes another always opens. Always

And this place is helping me with my sadness.
Glad you didn't write the "stupid" letter pouring your heart out.

So far you've handled it well with self respect intact.

Nice Job!!!
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Old 3rd February 2018, 10:47 AM   #12
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Great job!!!

You keep your self respect and you dont' sell your self cheap. The more you ignore her or show indifference, the more she apreciates you.

Your next challenge - When and if she understands that breadcrumbs aren't enough, and start reaching out for you and tell you she wants you back - don't hurry to fall for it.

Believe the moment when she dumped you, don't believe the moment when she wants you back. It's just she is starting to realize you have other options, and she wants you to stop moving on. She wants you do the begging and pleading. She wants you miserable and into her, while you're crying at nights.

And she will do a lot to have her wishes. She might even "want you back", just to prevent you from moving on and to bring you back to square 1. Watch out.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 11:19 AM   #13
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Glad you didn't write the "stupid" letter pouring your heart out.

So far you've handled it well with self respect intact.

Nice Job!!!
Came within one minute of writing THAT email. Really glad I didn't.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 11:36 AM   #14
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If you chase they just move farther away. Plus that weakness defines you in their eyes.

Most just can't for whatever reason stop themselves from doing the "pick me dance".
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Old 3rd February 2018, 9:25 PM   #15
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Hey man! Thanks for sharing here! If she reaches out, reply in a very honest and straightforward way! Let her know how you feel and be clear about your decisions and expectations. Do not leave anything to confusion and always be transparent! People always deserve the truth no matter what! Make decisions, be clear, be honest and move forward!
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