Does he want me back?

[KLB1996]

My ex boyfriend and I broke up at the end of October. He said we were “too different” but in reality, he’s a commitment phobe and was falling for me. We had been together for 6 months but it was an intense 6 months.

 

He texted a few days later to apologize for how he handled the breakup (we had gotten into a huge fight). He asked to be friends. We haven’t spoken since early Nov.

 

This past Thursday, I was on a date around the corner from my ex’s place. When I left, I had to drive past his building. I saw his lights on so on a whim decided to ask if he wanted to meet for a drink. He immediately responded and said yes. Within minutes of seeing each other, he had to ask if I was dating and seemed bothered by it. He told me he’s been seeing someone for 6 weeks but it’s not serious. He then asked if I wanted to go to another bar to meet up with some friends. I agreed but when we got there, he admitted no one was joining us. I guess he was afraid I would say no to staying out with him if it was just us. One thing led to another and we ended up back at his place and had sex. I spent the night and we had sex a few more times on Friday morning.

 

He was leaving town for a guys trip that morning and said he would get in touch “soon”. He ended up texting me very late Saturday night asking what I was doing. I was asleep so didn’t see it until the next morning. He texted again asking if I would come stay with him on Sunday night after he got back from the trip.

 

I stayed last night and we went out for food/drinks again. We snuggled on the couch the rest of the night then had sex a few more times this morning. He brought me home after. When he was dropping me off he kissed me and said he would touch base in “another week or two”.

 

My head is spinning now. Do you think he wants me back or just wants sex? We talked about it briefly on Friday but he said there were no promises and he didn’t want there to be any expectations but seemed open to continue seeing me.

[Zahara]

When he was dropping me off he kissed me and said he would touch base in “another week or two”.

 

My head is spinning now. Do you think he wants me back or just wants sex? We talked about it briefly on Friday but he said there were no promises and he didn’t want there to be any expectations but seemed open to continue seeing me.

 

He's cautioned you and is managing down your expectations. He can't promise you anything. He's going to see you in a vague week or two.

 

Yes, expect that he wants to continue seeing you to enjoy the benefits of a relationship without offering any commitment.

 

You opened a can of worms without giving it any thought/reflection into the repercussions of seeing him and relaying your expectations when you chose to meet him. Instead you jumped in blindly. And never chase a dumper. It's their responsibility to win you back, regain your trust, alleviate your doubts, fight for your affection, etc. He's done none of that except have sex.

 

You hit the reset button and you're now anxiously existing on his terms.

[Zahara]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/639099-should-i-end-relationship-updated-finding-hard-move

 

You should read your initial thread. Why would you go back to someone like him?

Edited January 18, 2018 by Zahara

[Whodatdog]

You are friends with benefits. Nothing more. As long as you are happy to jump into bed with him, he will call you now and again. Why wouldnt he? You've made it so easy for him to get sex whenever he wants.

Edited January 18, 2018 by Whodatdog

[MsJayne]

He's using you as a sexual convenience. That's a giant clue that he's a POS.

[hippychick3]

{snip} My head is spinning now. Do you think he wants me back or just wants sex? We talked about it briefly on Friday but he said there were no promises and he didn’t want there to be any expectations but seemed open to continue seeing me.

 

You are totally FWB, nothing more.

 

If he wanted a relationship with you again, he would come out and tell you and keep in touch regularly.

 

Keep dating other guys and stop sleeping with this one.

Edited January 19, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
snipped ~T

[KLB1996]

He actually just texted tonight and asked how my week was going and asked what I was up to. I think he doesn’t like the idea of me dating do eants yo see if I’m out with someone. So if he wants nothing but sex why pry into my personal life?

Edited January 18, 2018 by KLB1996

[Zahara]

He actually just texted tonight and asked how my week was going and asked what I was up to. I think he doesn’t like the idea of me dating do eants yo see if I’m out with someone. So if he wants nothing but sex why pry into my personal life?

 

Control. He wants to make sure you're there to only supply him. Why would he not want to make sure that he alone has full access to easy sex? He's not going to want to share/lose that benefit.

 

And they will feed you just enough attention to keep you where they want you to be. Don't fool yourself into believing his texts and concern about your personal life as genuine interest.

 

This is the man that screamed at you in public. The one that nit picked and made you feel like you were walking on eggshells all the time. You even admitted that he didn't treat you well most of your relationship. What are you thinking? Again, go back and read your other thread. Nothing has changed.

Edited January 18, 2018 by Zahara

[Gr8fuln2020]

UGH. FWB. UGH.

[KLB1996]

Control. He wants to make sure you're there to only supply him. Why would he not want to make sure that he alone has full access to easy sex? He's not going to want to share/lose that benefit.

 

And they will feed you just enough attention to keep you where they want you to be. Don't fool yourself into believing his texts and concern about your personal life as genuine interest.

 

This is the man that screamed at you in public. The one that nit picked and made you feel like you were walking on eggshells all the time. You even admitted that he didn't treat you well most of your relationship. What are you thinking? Again, go back and read your other thread. Nothing has changed.

 

 

Thanks...and I know all of this of course. It’s just hard to fathom how someone could change so easily. He was great in the beginning and then turned into a different person. I fell for the “good” guy and was hoping he would return. It sucks because no one ever wants a real relationship with me. All they want is sex. If I give it up, they’re gone. If I don’t, they’re gone. It’s like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I thought it would be a lot easier at this point in my life but finding many 40 somethings to be just as immature as a lot of 20 somethings.

[Zahara]

Thanks...and I know all of this of course. It’s just hard to fathom how someone could change so easily. He was great in the beginning and then turned into a different person. I fell for the “good” guy and was hoping he would return. It sucks because no one ever wants a real relationship with me. All they want is sex. If I give it up, they’re gone. If I don’t, they’re gone. It’s like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I thought it would be a lot easier at this point in my life but finding many 40 somethings to be just as immature as a lot of 20 somethings.

 

People don't usually change but their true nature normally begins to manifest/settle once the relationship gets comfortable. People are always on their best behavior when first courting but when they change into a screaming toad months later, it's because that's who they've always been. That good guy is not returning -- he never existed. The guy that screamed at you and treated you badly throughout the relationship is the same person you had a drink with this past Thursday.

 

It's not that no one wants a relationship with you -- your picker is broken and your boundaries are shot. You should be deciding who is deserving of having a relationship with you. Even the way you went about this whole situation is indicative of your emotional/mental mindset. This man verbally abused you and you just picked up and gave him sex.

 

You make bad choices -- I don't know about all the other men that you dated, but the moment you see red flags, walk away. If a man is pushing your limits, walk away. There are men that will only want one thing, and those that will genuinely want a relationship but even that isn't a guarantee that things may work out. A relationship should not be the end all be all. When you make it your center, you'll settle for just about anything. You have to be smart with identifying what's right and works for you. Dating/relationships are a risk. You need to walk in with a healthy sense of self and strong boundaries.

 

I'm in my late 40s. It took me over a decade to finally find someone genuine who wants to invest in a future with me. Before that I was probably making the same mistakes you are. For now, step away from dating. You met this guy right after a bad/painful break-up. You didn't even give yourself any time to heal or find emotional clarity from that ending. And you didn't even give yourself time to heal from ending with this guy and now you're hurting again.

 

Step away from dating. Take a year off. Heal completely and work on reinventing yourself. Forster a relationship with YOURSELF. Put this guy on block - you said all they want is sex, well here's another instance where you're repeating a toxic pattern. Kick him to the curb.

Edited January 18, 2018 by Zahara

[springy]

Thanks...and I know all of this of course. It’s just hard to fathom how someone could change so easily. He was great in the beginning and then turned into a different person. I fell for the “good” guy and was hoping he would return. It sucks because no one ever wants a real relationship with me. All they want is sex. If I give it up, they’re gone. If I don’t, they’re gone. It’s like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I thought it would be a lot easier at this point in my life but finding many 40 somethings to be just as immature as a lot of 20 somethings.

 

Not sure I see any indication of wanting to get back together but he sure wants to have sex with you.

 

I guess if you really want to know - ask him. See if he's changed his mind. We can only guess but at the moment it looks like he's happy to have you willing to sleep with him, with no strings attached.