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Her friends asked me out, what do I do?


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Hi guys, second post here on LS, I need some guidance with my situation here.

2 days ago I was out with some friends, and suddenly at 00:30 am I get a message from my ex's friends(female) asking me if I would've liked to go out with them AND the ex. Now I know for a fact that that evening they were all together and they talked about it.

Me and her friends were friends even before we got together, but why would they invite me if my ex is there?

What should I answer? Should I go? I don't want to give the impression of the weakling refusing

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Hi guys, second post here on LS, I need some guidance with my situation here.

2 days ago I was out with some friends, and suddenly at 00:30 am I get a message from my ex's friends(female) asking me if I would've liked to go out with them AND the ex. Now I know for a fact that that evening they were all together and they talked about it.

Me and her friends were friends even before we got together, but why would they invite me if my ex is there?

What should I answer? Should I go?

 

They were probably talking about the breakup and whether or not they'd still get to hang out with you and she said, "I'm fine with it if he is, ask him."

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This is the ex that cheated on you, yet YOU were the one apologizing and only a month ago stated that you were trying every which way to get get her back.

 

I would suggest you stay away and try to heal from this and try to develop a better boundary system for yourself.

 

Her friends/ex probably see no issues with hanging out/inviting you because they're not in an emotional messy mindset as you are -- you however still need to work on healing and truly moving on.

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anzep,

IMO you should politely decline - this sounds like it could get messy. It's certainly going to mess with your head.

 

Ask yourself why you would want to spend time with someone who has a boxed moral compass - even if mutual friends are there?

 

Find some new friends for the moment, then review the situation when you feel more emotionally balanced.

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BarbedFenceRider

Don't reply. Focus elsewhere. I only see future pain. Trying to be friends after all of this makes no sense. Sure, be friendly but maybe a different circle to hang with is in order....

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Would you want to date the one who messaged you? If so, go if you want, otherwise, don't unless there is some other benefit to you.

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I noted this topic was posted in 'second chances'; is that accurate? Are you wanting to get back together with this person? From reading the responses, sounds like that would be unhealthy.

 

Since the persons inviting are referred to as 'ex'es friends', I'd consider her/them similar to ex and take them out of my social circle.

 

Sounds like you have some friends of your own, the ones you were with when the message arrived; spend time with them while healing.

 

After our D I did stay in contact with my exW's best friend, not because of any relationship stuff but because she had historically taken care of my dental care. We continued as friends until she died some four years later. That was a real loss, far more than our D was. It still gets me years later. When young and dating all this stuff will blow over and the lady and her friends will be largely forgotten. That's how life works.

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Based on your previous thread about this cheating ex, do not go.

 

It will set back any healing you've done. And it declining will not make you appear like a weakling, so get that idea of your head. It will, however, make you look like you have some self-respect and healthy boundaries by refusing to hang out with a girl who took a giant proverbial dump all over you and your relationship.

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Why would you reply to any invite you got after midnight from people who chose her over you & who had probably been drinking? Feels like a set up to me. If they had truly wanted your company they would have reached out in advance.

 

There is no reason for you to seem then all en masse. If they are truly your friends they will reach out individually.

 

I also don't understand why you are keeping tabs on the EX that you know she was with these other people, although you probably learned that through social media.

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I also don't understand why you are keeping tabs on the EX that you know she was with these other people, although you probably learned that through social media.

 

Not keeping tabs on her, I just watched those girls instagram and noticed they were together.

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I noted this topic was posted in 'second chances'; is that accurate? Are you wanting to get back together with this person? From reading the responses, sounds like that would be unhealthy.

 

Since the persons inviting are referred to as 'ex'es friends', I'd consider her/them similar to ex and take them out of my social circle.

 

Sounds like you have some friends of your own, the ones you were with when the message arrived; spend time with them while healing.

 

After our D I did stay in contact with my exW's best friend, not because of any relationship stuff but because she had historically taken care of my dental care. We continued as friends until she died some four years later. That was a real loss, far more than our D was. It still gets me years later. When young and dating all this stuff will blow over and the lady and her friends will be largely forgotten. That's how life works.

I posted this in second chance maybe because I still hope inside for her to apologize, and/or come back, and I don't know why I still want that.

 

I have some more info now, one of those friends is about to go on erasmus for 5/6 months, so that's why she wanted something all together.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I posted this in second chance maybe because I still hope inside for her to apologize, and/or come back, and I don't know why I still want that.

 

I have some more info now, one of those friends is about to go on erasmus for 5/6 months, so that's why she wanted something all together.

 

I learned a new word today, and it's not even 8AM. I can take the rest of the day off :).

 

The Erasmus Programme (EuRopean Community Action Scheme for the Mobility of University Students) is a European Union (EU) student exchange programme established in 1987.

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---- On my behalf, I now go out with other friends, I am experiencing new things and trying to get the best out of life. I'm focusing my head on studies, I got a new fresh haircut, and I started taking more care of myself, grooming and clothing. I had a very big boost in confidence(which I very much needed).

I managed to pick myself up, and I hope to keep it like this!

 

I learned a new word today, and it's not even 8AM. I can take the rest of the day off :).

 

The Erasmus Programme (EuRopean Community Action Scheme for the Mobility of University Students) is a European Union (EU) student exchange programme established in 1987.

what do you mean?

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CautiouslyOptimistic
---- On my behalf, I now go out with other friends, I am experiencing new things and trying to get the best out of life. I'm focusing my head on studies, I got a new fresh haircut, and I started taking more care of myself, grooming and clothing. I had a very big boost in confidence(which I very much needed).

I managed to pick myself up, and I hope to keep it like this!

 

 

what do you mean?

 

I had never heard the term "Erasmus." That's all. I had to Google it.

 

Glad to hear you're not dwelling on the bad and are making an effort for new experiences!

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I had never heard the term "Erasmus." That's all. I had to Google it.

 

Glad to hear you're not dwelling on the bad and are making an effort for new experiences!

 

It's something quite common here in europe, don't know for other countries :lmao:

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