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Do 2nd Chances Really Exist?

Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 1st January 2018, 11:19 AM   #1
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Do 2nd Chances Really Exist?

I was in a short-term relationship, which she broke off, using the "I'm not looking for a relationship" line via text. Which we all know is one of the biggest copout lines, especially over text. I as a man, of course, didn't do the right thing in the immediate aftermath of receiving that text. I played it cool and did not say how I really felt, or tried to salvage any part of the relationship. Most of all I didn't try to find out what went wrong. As things were going very well, then took a 180 after we both went to our respective hometowns for Thanksgiving. We were not dating, as we never discussed it, more of just hanging out. However I internally thought of bringing it up, but never did

Of course like every relationship there are many details and idiosyncrasies that pertain to this one. I am looking for advice on whether 2nd chances really do exist.

We still text back and forth, however, she removed me from social media and the texts has gone from mutual conversations to being one-sided with me asking, although she is very descriptive in her responses, plenty of laughs as well. Its been about a month since we really stopped talking as "more than friends". I am not and was not looking for a relationship. Looking back on it as I type this, it does seem like we were in a relationship, as we texted each other first thing in the morning and the last thing at night tried to spend as much time as we could during our busy work travel schedules, guess that makes us exclusive? So I guess I do not know what I was looking for, I just liked what we had and don't know what I should do.... Do I reach out and text here, starting things over from scratch. Or take chances and tell her, that I really liked her and I wish I put up more of a fight?

Looking for advice...
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Old 1st January 2018, 1:00 PM   #2
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In my opinion, you don't have enough of a foundation to have maintained anything really concrete or lastingly romantic. SHE broke it off and did so b/c she didn't want a relationship with you. I'm a little confused. You did date her? Romantically? Or just hung out? If the latter, it will be especially difficult to get back into a romantic relationship. Even the lack of certainty as to what you had does not bode well.

I strongly suspect that you have been permanently 'friended.' Her original lack of interest is probably too much to overcome and your efforts will not provide fruit as you would like.

Are there such things as second chances? YES. Often times you have to go and create it. Don't just sit back, but also we very careful.
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Old 1st January 2018, 1:36 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by simpleNfit View Post
I'm a little confused. Did you date her? Romantically? Or just hung out? If the latter, it will be especially difficult to get back into a romantic relationship. Even the lack of certainty as to what you had does not bode well.
Thank you for the feedback, greatly appreciated.

We never discussed dating. We were together romantically but didn't get to the labeling anything. Dating would have been the logical next step, maybe it scared her off. I did ask to talk with her before she left, but wasn't able to make it work. I wanted to address our situation, and see where it was going. However, that never happened. I sent a half-ass text mid conversation a few weeks later, saying that I respected her time and space and realized I might have gone too fast too soon.

I guess I would like to know what happened to lead to her decision. I never asked. Before she ended things we left on very good terms, with her letting me know how much she liked me.

Any suggestions on how to figure out what happened with still maintaining some sort of connection? restart from scratch and bring it up later, email?
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Old 1st January 2018, 5:06 PM   #4
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Second chances can exist, yes. But I don't think there's much you can do to change your situation at the moment, because it's about her and what she wants right now, which may not have anything to do with you.

It sounds like you're wondering if you pushed her away by not stepping up and having an honest conversation about your feelings. I think if she left because she wanted a relationship and you were dragging your feet and being avoident, then yes the right thing would be telling her how you feel before it's too late. However, she continued to just hang out with you too, without having any sort of conversation moving things forward, until it seemed like you were organically getting closer, at which point she told you she wasn't interested in more (which her actions, of unfriending you on social media and pulling back on your conversations, have also reflected). Questioning her motives once she has already taken these steps seems like it might annoy her, or you might find out there's another guy.

There may be a good lesson to take away here -- it sounds like you can do some work on putting yourself out there instead of leaving situations to be ambiguous and hoping they take a turn based on the inertia.

At this point, if you want to share your feelings with her to get them off your chest and help you move on, you can briefly bring it up. No gushing, no letters of love proclamations, and no expectations because it probably won't change anything. Just something to the effect of hey, I thought we had a good connection and I may not have communicated that I was excited about the idea of continuing to get to know you better and taking you on a real date. This would be for YOU, though, so that you don't have to second-guess yourself and keep looking backwards when it sounds like 2018 will be a good time to move forward from this one. Good luck!
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