Ex Likes To Cuddle....what does it mean?

[coloradodude]

So here's my situation:

 

My highschool sweetheart, who I haven't kept in touch with since grauating 7 years ago, has recently come back into my life. She's moved to a town near me and we've started visiting one another off and on.

 

The first few times I saw her, it was no big deal...we were just old friends hanging out. Recently, she has taken to sleeping in the same bed as me when we visit one another and very much likes to cuddle. This is hard for me to do because it makes me sad that we're not together any more.

 

She says she does this with many of her guy friends, which to me, makes it anything but special or intimate. She's expressed that she has no desire to rekindle our old relationship (nor do i...i think), but this is really hard for me. She likes to walk arm in arm down the street, and cuddle up with me in bed. It feels a bit like I'm being used and I'm not sure why she's doing this. I don't want to cut it off completely, because I do enjoy it and don't want to upset her or make her feel like I don't care for her. But at the same time, I feel like it creates an emotional attatchment that's hard to deal with afterwards when we're not together.

 

What does this mean? What would you do?

[ConfusedInOC]

Well, *I* would draw a boundary and enforce it. If it doesn't make you comfy, tell her. Don't let her comfort herself at your expense.

[Merin]

For real?

 

This girl likes to cuddle up in your bed BUT she doesn't want a relationship.. AND she told you it's no big deal because she does this with other Male friends?

 

Well from a female perspective honestly I've got to tell you I have zero idea whats going on in her mind! LOL I wouldn't be all about cuddling up in bed with any one of my EX's if I didn't have it in mind that I wanted to try the relationship again.. and I don't cuddle up in bed with any of my Guy friends.. so again.. uh

 

Only thing I can think of is perhaps she just isn't down for a romantic relationship so to speak, and she isn't all about a friends with benefits sort of deal but she misses the intimacy of being close to someone.. so she's getting that need met with you?

 

While I can understand you don't want to upset her, I guess the problem is this is upsetting on some level for you... so I would be a bit more straight forward with her and ask her what she's getting out of this...

 

Good Luck

[Max Overclock]

Originally posted by coloradodude

It feels a bit like I'm being used and I'm not sure why she's doing this. I don't want to cut it off completely, because I do enjoy it and don't want to upset her or make her feel like I don't care for her.

 

One can only be used if s/he allows him/herself to be used. You have a choice to make ... Enjoy the cuddling, etc., while at the same time realizing you have little or no possibility of a future relationship with her, continue on, feeling "used," or break it off completely.

 

Ultimately, the choice is yours.

 

Max

[strange love]

I read the post

Im thinking about whats going on, and about other things.

 

I have a little friend I started hagning out with and he mentioned to me Oh I had a female friend come over and it was late and she ended up sleeping in my bed.

 

I'll say this after question him, and a little bit of interogation turns out they didnt just lay there.

 

so I guess what im saying to you is this. The possibility for anything to happen is there. Sometimes people have a habit of saying the opposite of what they want.

I've had my share of ex girlfriends tell me the same.

 

You could probably push for more physically, and or romantically. I wouldnt say to her hey lets get back, id show her lets get back. The way to do that is be more romantic..

sounds like she wouldnt say no, or ask what are you doing.

 

Maybe next time she is over bring her breakfast in bed or.. well do a websearch theres a million ideas.. but remember dont say anything

[Sal Paradise]

You need to set limits and let her know how you feel. Tell her that she hurts you when she does this. Perhaps you should limit your contact with or even go no contact. You're going to end up hurt. Also if you issue LC or NC it may wake her up. Either she will learn to back off and not manipulate you, or if she does have feelings and is lying she may realize that if she wants to be with you she has to come clean about it. She is emotionally manipulating you and using you, and it has to stop!

 

Friends don't cuddle and snuggle in bed or walk around holding hands. Guys don't do it with guy friends, and girls don't do it with girl friends. She wants the emotional support of a boyfriend without the romance or sex. She also probably knows you want more and is using this against you. She knows you won't turn her advances down but also keeps you at a distance. Its complete bs and wrong. A real friend wouldn't do this.