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today's my ex birthday and i want to send a message. should i?

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Old 3rd October 2017, 9:44 AM   #1
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today's my ex birthday and i want to send a message. should i?

Hey guys

TODAY is my ex birthday and im dying to send him a birthday message, everybody whom i asked for advice told me not to do it but indeep i really want to send at least a ''happy birthday have a good day'' message but i dont want to regret it later.. so what you think, can i or shouldn't i? what would you do?

BACKGROUND STORY BETWEEN US. (summarized as possible)

we were on a long distance relationship for 5 years and 3 months, we didn't close the distance because we broke up, i was the one who broke up because he wasnt the same in the relationship(it has been a year since we broke up). we both got involved with other people as soon as we broke up, mine didn't work but his did (i guess)! he even got marry (he proposed her on our anniversary day still hurts! ) and he had a child with this person! we didn't end in good terms... i blocked him from every social media or ways of him to contact because he's a liar and i couldn't handle having contact with the person that i love the most but hurt me as well... what i mean by ''he's a liar'' is that he still sends messages to my phone telling me that he miss me and that he's still in love with me but in facebook he comments on his wife facebook that he loves her, photos together ect! i did not respond to his last message which was a voice message, so i haven't heard from him for a while since he sent that voice message august 19!

what should i do o what would you do if you were me?

WHAT I FEEL. (EXTRA if you want to read it all, but you can respond from the summary)
i think a birthday message isn't a ''i want you back'' message because i dont want him back but we been though A LOT, we have so many memories together, i was there for him on his darker days and he was in mine and even though he has hurt me like no one has... i still feel like i love him! i still cry over it.. its crazy but i still cant get him out of my mind i dont want to feel this way!! i really want him to be happy with whoever he decided to get involved with and dont feel jealous.. it hurt me that he has got what we dreamt (get marry and have a child together) but i dont want to feel that way i want to have positive thought toward him

I dont mine honesty! <3
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Old 3rd October 2017, 10:03 AM   #2
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Oh God no. Don't do it.
You are not together. The is no point in doing that.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 10:04 AM   #3
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You need to keep going on with your NC. You're in a toxic cycle and it's been a year and you're still allowing him access to you and encouraging dysfunctional behavior.

He is married and has a child. Leave him alone. You ended it with him for a reason. Just because you had a 5 year relationship doesn't justify keeping contact. Relationships end and sometimes people need to move on and keep separate ways.

Start focusing on why you're still clinging onto this man. Yes, you have memories and you remember the good times -- hold that in your heart and keep moving on. It doesn't justify sending a birthday message because you're hoping for some type of validation.
One regret, my dear world, that I am determined not to have when I am lying on my deathbed is that I did not kiss you enough ~ Hafiz
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Old 3rd October 2017, 11:22 AM   #4
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He's MARRIED. His wife will take care of him for his birthday o_O!
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Old 3rd October 2017, 11:47 AM   #5
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My goodness! NO, do not send this schmuck a birthday greeting. He's married with a child . Find a new man.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 12:55 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by Zahara View Post
. It doesn't justify sending a birthday message because you're hoping for some type of validation.
...or to make some chaos and cause drama.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 1:09 PM   #7
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You don't really want to wish him a happy birthday. You want him to see your name in the screen & think what a shame it is that he married his wife.

If you send this message you are in the wrong for bothering a married father. You will not come across as a nice person who hold no ill will toward an EX. You will come across as a jealous, meddling EX who can't let go.

Don't be that person. Let go already. You broke up with him. The distance probably would not have closed. He made a new life. Try doing that for yourself.
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Old 3rd October 2017, 5:18 PM   #8
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Its my ex's birthday today too.

Its my ex's birthday today too. Here is how I am coping with it. I wrote down the words I want to send here and didn't send it to him. Just to get is out of my system. Here is what I wrote in the "How are you coping today thread", in the Coping section:

Its his birthday today.
More than a year since we have been apart and I still think about him every single day. I still love him just as much as when we were together.

I want to message him.

"Hey C. I hope you have a wonderful 23rd birthday. How is UCSanta Cruz? I hope you are making a ton of new friends and are enjoying your new graduate program. Wishing you well. By the way, I miss you. I think about you all the time. I don't think there is a day I don't think about you. I'll pretend like you think about me too. And hopefully, they are good things. Lots of love."


But I won't. I'll love him in silence.
You can love him in silence also. I know you can.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 3rd October 2017 at 5:42 PM.. Reason: Encouragement for the OP
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Old 4th October 2017, 9:32 AM   #9
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As everyone here has already said, and as everyone will continue to say...don't do it.

It won't change anything. He has a life with someone else now and whether you message him happy birthday or not it will not change that for either of you, so what is the point?
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