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Do we have another chance or not?

Second Chances Called it off but doubting the decision now? Someone wants you back? Let us know about it!

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Old 24th September 2017, 7:16 PM   #1
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Do we have another chance or not?

A bit of an backstory: in November of 2011, I began seeing my first ever "boyfriend" - I use the term in quotation marks because at the time, I was young and completely inexperienced (at 19 years old) considering I've only had basically little to no interactions with men, coming from an all-girls private school and all ever since middle school. I was also pretty shy. Although we've had dates spent together, there were also dates that were spent with his friends. I'd say more of those dates occurred than any sort of "romantic" ones between just us two - either way, I was pretty insecure with forms of physical affection at the time, having been so shy and all. Overall, this relationship of ours lasted for 6 months - which also included my ex inviting me to family holiday gatherings, a weekend over his house, meeting with parents, etc...leading me to believe something serious was taking place. Before breaking up with me, I've sensed less contact coming from him, and our dates began to lessen. The last time we saw each other was March 2012 and he broke up with me through instant message, in May 2012. No big reason was given other than him believing we'd be better off as friends. I was blindsided by this, so I may have told him how upset, pointless (this breakup was), and confused I was - as to why this was happening - after all, he did kiss me, compliment me, genuinely enjoyed being around me, and introduced me to his family and friends pretty quickly. I can't say for sure, but I might have been his first relationship, as well.

Having been so young and inexperienced compared to other girls, five years ago, when I was 20 - I took things very hard. I also had lots of life-changing events happening in my life, which led me to question who I really was and wanted to do with my life. I also blamed myself for that breakup happening - I thought maybe there was something wrong about/with me. Maybe I wasn't meant to be in a relationship...although that was only my first ever dating experience, so looking back, I realize how silly I sounded. But I truly didn't know any better, at that time, so it is what it is.

Fast forward five years later, to today, I'm 25 years old. I got myself & my life together - while also having had plenty of dating experience. Mostly jerks with pretty weak excuses as to why things wouldn't work out between them and myself, but not once was it ever due to that particular ex being on my mind. Although I never gave him one thought - a year or so after he broke up with me, he sends me messages on FB telling me how he has thought about me, knows he broke my heart, and wants to be friends. This was probably all just leftover guilt of his, considering he knew very well how hard I took the breakup, but later on - I would then receive messages from him - asking how I was, wishing me a happy birthday, wishing my mom a happy birthday (and mother's day) along with him confiding in me about how one of his close friends (who he introduced me to) suddenly passed away etc... Once he also found out that my grandmother (who he also met) passed away - he sent his condolences and said he was there for me. He would also tell me when he was in my area and just the usual how I was and what I've been up to. We did talk about meeting up one day, since it's been so long since we've last seen each other, but that never happened. Instead, for the next two years (this was 2015 into 2016) I would get messages from him exactly every six months to check up and see how I was doing. He also told me how happy he was to be currently seeing someone who seemed to have been serious, even though there was never one post about it on his wall and his relationship status was always kept as "single". Truthfully, I don't believe him and still don't, even to this day because there is zero proof of it which is strange, because when he was with me - it was all plastered over FB and did not hesitate to keep it a secret. For someone always on social media like him, this was not normal. His family is also pretty active on FB so if something was taking place, I'd be seeing it. Instead - the only pictures of him were with his family - no girlfriend. I decided to block him because I was so confused as to why he still contacts me if he has no intentions of at least seeing me to hang out one day, and I needed him out of my life completely in order to move on. But now a year later - I decide to unblock him since after recently unsuccessful dates (as well as a 4 month relationship, which is the longest relationship I've had ever since this past breakup) I'm starting to wonder if he was the one who got away. I do think about him time to time, which also makes me feel nervously excited for some reason. I don't know what's up with my feelings/emotions when it comes to him. I can tell someone how I'm "over him" but maybe...I'm really not. We hardly had a real shot at a relationship 6 years ago - nothing was as intense or intimate back then, so if we met up now when I'm (at least) older, wiser, and more experienced...who knows what could happen?! Besides feeling guilty of breaking my heart, there must be something else he is feeling about me, if after all this time he continues keeping in contact with me. I think back then, when he was 25, he wasn't ready for commitment - and I understand that because I wasn't ready either. I realize that now. But now he is 31 - what if he is ready now? Can people truly mature & change? And I've read plenty of reasons as to why a guy would keep a relationship status as Single, but in his case, it doesn't add up. I am especially suspicious because even though I messaged him and he replied and how we' ll talk more once he's not so busy - in his words - "if I want to" that is, he still has not accepted my friend request. And if it was because he wouldn't want me interfering with his current relationship (which I would'nt) and felt that strongly about whoever he was seeing and was absolutely committed to her...then why does the rest of the world think he's still single?! Accept my request if I am not a threat, then. What's there to hide?! I've done more with other guys, compared to him, to be considered an ex - so what is he so scared of? I'm really just someone from the past, who he's always been initiating contact with, first. Why is that?

So I ask: do you believe he is lying about this relationship to see how I react to it, or is he perhaps truly confused about his feelings for me, and may still care for me somehow, just not enough to commit to a relationship? Considering how we hardly had anything too intense to begin with, do you think there's a chance of something actually blossoming now? Although I'm focused on truly getting to know him (now that I genuinely know myself) and see where it goes - if it goes anywhere. I have no idea what will happen with this person who never seems to get out of my life. All I have is many what ifs and hopes of a second chance. I honestly don't know who's meant for me, anymore! Which is why comments and opinions would be greatly appreciated to such a confused girl, like me, right now - who just wants to make sense of it all Thank you all so much!

Last edited by LK0321; 24th September 2017 at 7:18 PM..
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Old 25th September 2017, 8:33 AM   #2
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A 25 year old man who dates a 19 year old girl does so for two reasons 1). because he can and 2). because women his own age present too much a challenge to him (he's too immature for them).

You are concocting this whole reconciliation fantasy about a few throwaway posts on social media. Not once since he has virtually friended you has he done anything in real life to show interest -- no phone calls, no time spent together. He messages you every 6 months when he needs to have his ego stroked. He couldn't even be bothered to send a real condolence snail mail card when your grandmother died. My condolences by the way. It's easy to send messages via a computer but it's all pretty meaningless.

You are hung up on a child's romantic fantasy. Your version -- him coming back -- is the Disney version. It's not real life.

He is not the one who got away. He's some guy you knew 6 years ago when you were a teen. Let him go. You can stay "friends" with him on social media if you must but at the very least unfollow him so he doesn't automatically pop into your feed. There isn't anything here. It's all in your head & the longing in your heart. It's FakeBook not real life. Sorry.
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